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Donaldb8842 Posted 4 months ago
Your partner no longer wants intimacy. What do you do?
3 likes & 110 replies
    • Donaldb8842 24th July 2021 at 3:38 pm

      So so sorry my friend I really am

    • karen54 24th July 2021 at 5:37 pm

      Could it be something to do with your partners self confidence?are they having body image issues and low self esteem?

    • Donaldb8842 24th July 2021 at 6:24 pm

      It’s mainly to do with a ladies operation a few years ago so I am very understanding of that.
      I have to do something though before I go bonkers wanting intimacy x

    • EmmaS 1st September 2021 at 12:34 pm

      In the same position, so understand where you are coming from

      • Donaldb8842 1st September 2021 at 12:57 pm

        The frustration is becoming to prevelant in my mind now Emma!

        • SouthernSoftie 1st September 2021 at 3:58 pm

          Like anything Donald when you cant have something you want it all the more. You end up thinking about it all the time..
          I have not been intimate with anyone for two years, longest time ever for me. I moved house and was busy last year and distracted plus Covid made it harder to get out and maybe meet someone.
          the longer it goes on the easier it has become…

        • Donaldb8842 1st September 2021 at 4:01 pm

          I wish I could forget about it I really do.
          I moved house two years ago and it certainly didn’t distract me.
          It eats me up if I’m honest

    • EmmaS 1st September 2021 at 1:01 pm

      I so understand, I know longer find my husband attractive. Yet the rest of our marriage is fine.

    • EmmaS 1st September 2021 at 1:08 pm

      Yes we are

    • Always 1st September 2021 at 4:27 pm

      This is where I’m at it’s so hard and he simply will not talk about it. If I raise the subject he just gets cross 😞

    • Kenton 4th September 2021 at 7:40 am

      You have to respect your wife’s stance on this and accept her decision. Don’t be to altruistic and circumvent a solution for yourself. Perhaps a massage might ease your frustration, that way no one gets hurt.

    • MORENOCH1 4th September 2021 at 12:27 pm


    • Cheeseman dave 4th September 2021 at 12:38 pm

      There seems to be quite a few men and women here with the same problem just a thought why don’t you contact each other and get together for a bit of intimacy just a thought

    • Donaldb8842 4th September 2021 at 12:48 pm

      Not a bad thought!
      Finding someone in Kent on here a problem

    • Cheeseman dave 4th September 2021 at 12:59 pm

      I bet there’s quite a few in or around the area go for it

    • Donaldb8842 4th September 2021 at 2:35 pm

      I wish!

    • Lost in life 24th September 2021 at 10:03 pm

      Find out why

    • EricaLovesFlowers 25th September 2021 at 4:43 pm

      An open relationship or an affair is rarely worth it. Despite what people say, someone always gets hurt.
      On that matter, has your wife lost her mojo or has the relationship lost its spark?
      What I mean is does your wife pleasure herself? The answer to this may be crucial in finding a way forward.

      • Donaldb8842 25th September 2021 at 5:55 pm

        She just isn’t. Interested full stop.
        I’ve already said this.
        It’s really not a good situation

      • Englishman 30th October 2021 at 3:18 pm

        I think you’re right – but desperate situations can call for desperate measures. A sexless marriage is purgatory. It’s not just sexual intimacy either. A total “hands off” policy doesn’t help a relationship to thrive or even survive, sadly.
        I was hurt as a result of being unfaithful (serve me right, maybe) but I don’t feel guilty because I felt I had no other option at the time.

        • EricaLovesFlowers 30th October 2021 at 3:25 pm

          And therein lies the problem.
          People want it both ways which is infuriating. Don’t want to sleep with your partner but don’t want them to find someone else to sleep with. And if they do, they’re a bad person. It’s ridiculous. People should grow up, face facts and stop living in a naive fairy tale.
          Harsh but true.

        • Englishman 30th October 2021 at 3:43 pm

          Yep. It’s not fair to deny any kind of physical affection to the one who has committed themselves to you. I would have stayed faithful if she had even tried to keep things going. At one point I managed to broker a compromise of very limited intimacy but even that didn’t last long.
          I’m not a sex maniac – just a normal husband who feels totally let down. That’s no basis for a marriage to continue indefinitely. Not in my eyes, anyway.
          I don’t think you’re being harsh at all Erica. Just realistic.

    • Butterfly 123 25th September 2021 at 7:06 pm

      I know exactly how you feel, I am in the same situation but it’s my husband who doesn’t want me and it hurts so much. It’s been like this for about 7 years, I don’t think I can take much more,even though I love him. I have to beg for a kiss or cuddle, and I have so much love to give him. I’m 59 and he is 62.

    • Ric 26th September 2021 at 10:38 am

      Romantics seldom keep alive the flame for it takes two like minded halves to make a whole…..

      Damn difficult holding the dream solo within any relationship so I guess its what really made two people fall for each other?

      Was it the person or the body that attracted – I like intimacy like any lover but its the person I miss not that which she could do for me ……

      The person can change but the memories always prevail so kinda look back and love the memories of that which drove the relationship and realise that eventually we mellow together as the passion falls aside leaving companionship and completeness that lasts a lifetime – Wake tomorrow give her a big hug/kiss and do something special other than between the sheets and who knows the fire may return when you both find each other again…..



    • annp12 26th September 2021 at 2:17 pm

      Talk it over to see if it can be rectified.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 24th October 2021 at 12:30 pm

      Lived with this myself for far too long tried talking but she’s not interested and thinks nothing is wrong 7 years now and although I’m generally content with my marriage it’s really tough sometimes. It’s a perfectly natural and reasonable need.

    • Steve in Kent 24th October 2021 at 2:05 pm

      Gabby Logan does a good podcast called the mid point talking to celebs about age related problems. This week Sharleen Spitari, the weekly expert spoke about loss of desire and things that can help. Because we do not generally speak about sexual issues and there was a big misinformation about HRT and side effects from a flawed US study on HRT a lot of women discount that as an option to balance their system and address simply solved issues.

    • EricaLovesFlowers 24th October 2021 at 6:14 pm

      See a relationship counsellor.
      Relate are very good helping you to communicate, which seems to be the primary problem.

      • Donaldb8842 24th October 2021 at 6:17 pm

        We communicate very well

      • EricaLovesFlowers 24th October 2021 at 6:23 pm

        You may talk well together, but you said you skirt round issues that you want to be resolved. You may need help to change your communicate style so that you can resolve your issues.
        There is a lot of confusion about what communication actually is.
        If you want to rekindle your spark, a really good and helpful book is
        ‘Thé five Languages if Love’ by Dr G Chapman.
        It will explain in depth what might be happening in your relationship and give you some idea about how to tackle it.
        In the meantime, as I said before, as this is causing you difficulty à Relate Counsellor can be if enormous help.

    • SandraCee 24th October 2021 at 10:54 pm

      Your wife could have a hormone imbalance. I know I do and have no sexual feelings at all. I’m on medication but it’s bit helping. She may need to speak to her GP

    • Steve in Kent 26th October 2021 at 9:31 am

      Just watched a TED talk on this subject, worth a look

    • Donaldb8842 26th October 2021 at 9:47 am

      Thank you I will take a look!

    • Englishman 29th October 2021 at 11:59 pm

      I had no choice but to look elsewhere – something I never thought I’d do and which goes utterly against my principles. It was the only way to stay in the family unit with my (then) young daughters.
      It was good in some ways (obviously) but not in others. I almost left for another woman with whom I had an extended relationship – but my sense of duty to my children wouldn’t let me at the time so I lost her. Now they’re older, it would be different, but I’m pausing at the moment while I do a lot of thinking.
      All the talking has been done long since. We’re only together for the girls. There’s no animosity – but a lot of resentment on my part, I’m sorry to admit. We’re the cliché “roommates” couple.
      I’m heartily fed up of “seeing to myself”, as she so eloquently puts it. There are three choices, as I see it: stay put and suffer; try affairs again; leave and find someone else. It’s not where I ever saw myself.
      I truly feel your pain and wish you luck, whatever you do.

      • Staying Alive 30th October 2021 at 9:52 am

        Life can be very tough at times, but it’s how tough you gonna make it The choice is yours which I’m sure you know. It’s just how much longer can you suffer and by the sound of it you are. kidding yourself to be happy, while trying to making others happy to not always possible. Your happiness has to come first call it selfish, I said life is tough.
        Been in your situation now I’m living my life Single and happy.

        Good luck

        • Englishman 30th October 2021 at 4:52 pm

          Can’t disagree with you SA. This isn’t a rehearsal – it’s all we get – so if making yourself as happy as possible is selfish, maybe it’s justified. I’d probably rather call it the ultimate in self-care.
          It’s my daughters I worry about most, if I were to leave. I’m very close with both of them and they’re both quite sensitive, in their own ways.

        • Staying Alive 30th October 2021 at 5:35 pm

          Yes the Worries of are children are always there. And we tend to wait until they are adults before we make a decision for ourselves. Therefore making there pain and suffering is even more. Nevertheless you can’t fool them children know when something is wrong. Yes they have feelings and yes the matter is a sensitive one. But again your happiness comes first A harsh decision they will understand.

        • Englishman 30th October 2021 at 5:58 pm

          That’s helpful, thanks.

        • Donaldb8842 31st October 2021 at 7:39 pm

          I don’t want to be single I just have needs

        • Staying Alive 31st October 2021 at 7:50 pm

          I didn’t want to be single like that we all have needs. That doesn’t mean you stay in a relationship because it’s practical.

    • VFP 30th October 2021 at 7:34 am

      I don’t mean to be harsh but I think it’s very selfish to deny one’s partner intimacy. Help is available, and there are also ways to deal with medical issues and ageing, and ways to express intimacy that would make all the difference to the partner’s happiness. I don’t think I could remain in a relationship with a selfish partner, life is too short. I also don’t believe in staying together for the kids. My parents did that when I was a kid and I used to pray they would divorce. I divorced my children’s dad decades ago and we are still friends today.

    • AllsGravy 31st October 2021 at 7:22 pm

      Explain you do, and you don’t necessarily need it from them. Gauge the reaction. Negotiate from there.

    • adeliza0165 24th November 2021 at 10:45 am

      You have to get to core of the problem… Is there something you have done or not done and still doing or not doing and has annoyed her? Or maybe something you have said or not said that’s hurt her and she’s still hurting? These negative feelings can fester and affect intimacy.
      Also, sex means different things to different people – for some it’s just a physical action/relief and for others it’s intimacy and a deep connection, so it can be deflating, disheartening and disappointing.
      A relationship is about togetherness – teamwork! When it isn’t that, then you start drifting apart 😐

    • Donaldb8842 24th November 2021 at 10:52 am

      It all goes back to a certain woman’s operation she had around 5-6 years ago.
      We are still close and get on very well.
      She is just not interested in intimacy at all.
      I accept it is what it is but thank you for the reply

      • adeliza0165 24th November 2021 at 11:23 am

        Do things inbetween – such as, if you’re sitting on the sofa, stroke her hair/neck. If she’s in the kitchen, rub her shoulders or give her a quick squeeze/hug. If she’s been on the go and is feeling tired, give her feet a nice rub. These little acts of attention (some people refer to it as foreplay) can eventually turn into arousal and lead to other things 😉

    • Donaldb8842 24th November 2021 at 12:20 pm

      I’d stop at the feet rub!
      I do all those things