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Bailygirl Posted 7 months ago
worried

Hi All, I am on a well known dating site and had some guy who was a bit abusive on first chat. I blocked him and thought no more of it but then he kept making new profiles. making comments id block him. I got impression it wasn’t personnel and he was doing this to others. just a nasty man being a dick but last week I was fed up and reported him. they blocked him and I’ve heard no more but I am worried he’ll pop up on Facebook or something. How do you deal with people like this?

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1 like & 51 replies
    • Mad Ralph 24th October 2021 at 1:33 pm

      I don’t have Facebook personally but I’ve had it in the past. Just be really particular on who you allow to be friends. If you don’t want them on your list just don’t accept their friend request. There’s also safety settings to only allow certain people to see your profile and comments. It’s a minefield tho and in my opinion it’s the root of all evil. Btw, you did the right thing by reporting him, hopefully you’ll never hear from him again.

      Reply
      • Bailygirl 24th October 2021 at 1:43 pm

        HI Ralph, Thanks for reply. hopefully never hear from him again. Not used to persistent nasty people. Just worried me a bit.
        Take care

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        • Mad Ralph 24th October 2021 at 1:49 pm

          If he makes contact again tell him mad ralphs looking for him ok 😉

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        • Ash 26th November 2021 at 4:14 pm

          Hi Bailygirl,
          I am aware that this is quite common occurrence and all one can do is to take the necessary precautions. It’s not always what it seems on many dating sites.
          If it is your first experience of this kind then it would be a very valuable “eye opener”.
          Stay safe. Always get close friends/family members’ thoughts.
          Also consider reporting things like this to the police as the individual might be doing similar things to others. The police can build up a pattern of behaviour.

          Reply
      • Deleted User 17th January 2022 at 5:02 pm

        I also don’t have any social media, just something else to cause upset.

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    • Dave the poet 1970 24th October 2021 at 1:43 pm

      Sadly there’s too many of these people lurking online I’ve had a few too I always block report and change security settings so only friends can comment or like your Facebook posts

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    • Catwoman 24th October 2021 at 2:10 pm

      On Facebook you can change your friend requests to friends of friends. That might help if you’ve not already done it. Hope you never hear from him again

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    • Gerard371 24th October 2021 at 8:15 pm

      If he contacts you on Facebook I’d report him to the police, because that’s stalking.

      Reply
    • loislane 24th October 2021 at 10:11 pm

      Make sure you have your FB on private, don’t accept people you really don’t know,

      Reply
    • LivelyTony 26th October 2021 at 12:10 pm

      Whilst we do not know what this fellow said, I see blocking someone as an extreme action and not something which is normal to do.

      But there are some women who block anyone whose profile they do not like.

      The web site operators should not really let them do that but the reality is that there are so few women joining their sites that they have to put up with anything that they do.

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      • loislane 4th November 2021 at 1:41 pm

        A woman doesn’t usually report a lot of this, and for her to do so means she was scared. What he was doing wasn’t normal and shouldn’t be allowed.
        Blocking is not an extreme action, it’s a safety measure.
        Some men on here are messaging quite a few women on here trying to turn it to bedroom talk, they need blocking, we don’t need the harassment.
        So are you saying a woman or man should put up with this behaviour because it might offend the perpetrator who is clearly stalking and being abusive. Not reporting it is why these men carry on just like on here too.
        And for the most part, of course you can say that whilst hiding behind no photo.

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      • Grace Williams 10th November 2021 at 1:12 pm

        We have put up with this sh*t for far too long…Blocking is extreme??? Not normal??This sends my rev counter into the red. It used to be harassment in the street, now in the tech age, it’s online. I see blocking as a handy tool, some men just don’t get the message. If you are not part of the solution, then you are a part of the problem.

        I will regularly block men, just because I cant be arsed explaining myself to them again and again, life is too short/dont want to talk to them/see they obviously have not read my profile and are ignoring what I have said (ie; I don’t want to be contacted by 25 year olds looking for a milf etc) and the list goes on …

        Mate, if you think blocking is excessive then you hav’nt met me … There are so many women that dont have the aggressive push back nature I have, they are afraid of confrontation and to speak up, my fight has and always will be on behalf of them too.

        If I do bother to get into it (ie I’m bored, they hav’nt read what I have said, then I will wind them up deliberately, especially if they’ve acted like a-soles) by the time I have finished with them, they are more than happy to block me! I’m not a shrinking wall flower, and will rip them a new one.

        Im sick to death of misogynistic, sexist, threatening, violence behaviour towards women, (and other men just standing by thinking its somehow ok). I have personally fought against it all my life, and will continue to do so – Especially challenging mindsets that just don’t get it.

        As you can see – You well and truly pushed a trigger there for me.

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        • Mad Ralph 10th November 2021 at 1:19 pm

          Good on you Grace, nobody likes a sex case and they should be treated accordingly 👏👏👏

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        • Grace Williams 10th November 2021 at 1:22 pm

          lmao ‘sex case’ 🙂 …

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        • Dead Poet 12th November 2021 at 12:21 pm

          Well said Grace, there is no reason why you shouldn’t block abusive males or anyone on your creepy Radar! Us men get a bad press for all the creepy arseholes out there. Best to go on paid subscription sites like Elite singles etc, men who abuse tend to go on free sites, tells you you everything you need to know about them. Tight wads, creepy & best avoided 👹

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        • Grace Williams 12th November 2021 at 12:28 pm

          Well said dead poet … there are so many good men out there, and the small minority that act out giving the majority a bad name 😏 (same with both sexes to be fair, women too have games they play and act out, in different ways maybe, but none the less)

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        • Paula’splace 24th November 2021 at 11:05 am

          Go Grace good on you !!!!

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        • A7WDE 26th November 2021 at 8:58 am

          Well said

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    • Joannaissleeping 26th October 2021 at 12:48 pm

      LivelyTony
      Not sure of the point you are trying to make

      Reply
    • Solstice 26th October 2021 at 1:07 pm

      Not 100% what it is LivelyTony was saying in his comment, but for what it’s worth?

      Blocking is a security tool – Yes, it is quite “normal” and satisfactory to use tools to assist you in achieving your purpose. In this case, that is to stop this abusive idiot from contacting you.

      That said, I make no secret that I used a dating site recently. I didn’t “match” with anyone that I found suitable. Not on such a shallow level of “Appearance” either.

      One lady was really chatty, really friendly until I mentioned a minor issue in my life, which is so much “habit” that it is “normal” for me. I said I had dropped my walking stick. She never, ever contacted me again. Now there’s shallow.

      I didn’t persist, pursue or chase. I went back to the site a couple of times and actually wanted to ask a question of one lady that I didn’t “match” with! We chatted via the dating app, then we agreed to exchange Facebook, then Instagram, then WhatsApp etc. We have met a number of times, we are attending a Costume Party for the weekend, and actually as a “Couple” in so far as our costumes are themed together. (The Phantom of The Opera and Christine, for those who know the theatre).

      I have never had so much in common with somebody before. She makes me laugh, smile every moment of the day. We are not intimate (I feel that’s appropriate for me to mention that too).

      My point is, don’t let one bad apple spoil the barrel. Yes, it’s a poor experience for you, but we aren’t all just after checking your lingerie or mattress. Some just genuinely do need a friend, a companion and are prepared to take time to develop a relationship.

      I hope you find your “Solstice” too, but it won’t be me! I’m officially “off the market”

      Take Care x

      Reply
      • StephenBP1952 10th November 2021 at 7:42 am

        Solstice … so pleased it has worked out for you … or is at least starting to ! I keep hoping that something similar will happen to me …. I also agree with your next last paragraph … about not checking underwear or horizontal jogging etc.
        The old idea of being friends and then slowly growing into a relationship seems to be a very dated way of behaving !

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        • Solstice 12th November 2021 at 6:19 pm

          Unfortunately, We became further apart each tome we met. I have no reason for any animosity, any belligerent, or abusive retorts.

          It didn’t work out and my final words to her were “I am sorry that it hasn’t worked out, and I truly wish you happiness in your future.”

          Chivalrous, gentlemanly behaviour is not “old Fashioned” It never went out of fashion, it just became rare. It isn’t extinct though, and I am comfortable with my persona and maybe there isn’t someone there for me, but I’m actually comfortable with that too.

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        • StephenBP1952 12th November 2021 at 7:57 pm

          that is sad that it did not go the right way …. who said that it is better to have loved and lost , than to never have loved ?
          Best wishes ….

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        • Solstice 12th November 2021 at 9:24 pm

          Alfred Lord Tennyson. This wasn’t “love” I’m not looking for love. But thank you.

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    • Bobby65 26th October 2021 at 1:16 pm

      You did the right thing in reporting this guy. MAD ralph is right just dont accept him as friend if he pops up. Hopefully he has finally got the message SOD OFF.

      Reply
    • Bailygirl 28th October 2021 at 9:44 pm

      Thanks guys. I wouldn’t accept him anyway its just after him repeatedly making new profiles that I worried it would get worse when I reported him.
      Lively Tony didn’t get your point this guy was definatly in wrong. the only person I have reported and blocked . I find even the most weird guys respond well to no thank you

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      • Jojobloggs 4th November 2021 at 6:31 pm

        I too have had this happen via a dating site so know how you feel and I ended up blocking him because he made threats against me, I also reported to the dating site too but it’s so easy for them to create a new profile under a different name and don’t get me on the subject of Facebook or Instagram but they’re just as predatory!. Hope this helps and you definitely did the right thing 👍😊. Onwards and upwards as they say.

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    • Tereron 30th October 2021 at 5:29 pm

      Had a few of these on the Facebook dating site. I blocked them and reported them to Facebook. They got removed only to return a week later under a different name. Horrible people. I got wise in the end and know who to stay clear of but it’s tough when they throw compliments at you to get your attention.

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    • Brighton Belle 30th October 2021 at 5:34 pm

      Just been careful you don’t give your email address or any phone numbers

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    • Brighton Belle 30th October 2021 at 5:37 pm

      Usually USA/Italian say their working in UK now…..

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    • magicmark20 3rd November 2021 at 11:41 pm

      Call the police it’s classed as stalking

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    • loislane 5th November 2021 at 1:01 am

      Hope he doesn’t follow you to here

      Reply
    • LivelyTony 10th November 2021 at 2:14 pm

      The Police only catch 10% of house burglars so it is unlikely they will pay much attention to those who send unwanted messages on dating sites.

      All anyone needs to do is to ideally send a “No thank you” message or to just delete the messages you do not follow up.

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      • Grace Williams 10th November 2021 at 7:52 pm

        You are naïve and ill informed.

        It is currently a 10 billion+ $ industry. (Or at least the scams run via these sites) Mostly run out of Nigeria and Eastern Europe (and their very organised Mafia), with tentacles that run worldwide. From there, it leads to human (and children) trafficking/money laundering/ highly organised networks that proliferate.

        In the UK there are specialist units set up that deals with these issues. A very specific one is run by City of London Police for international fraud and corruption, scams that gain money by deceit, as well as the above issues. (ie; sex crimes ) You liken it to burglary – Again, a completely different crime, both in the victimology and ensuing crimes/outcome.

        What part of her post did you not understand? He was abusive from the outset? She said she was continually harassed by him, even to the point he kept reinventing himself to get back in contact with her … And you suggest a no thank you’ … Really??? Again, you just are not hearing/seeing/understanding what she is saying, a classic example.

        By the way, I would add @Bailygirl … Send him over to me. (inbox me for my email) I’ll engage with him if he ever rears his ugly head again … The geek in me will track him in 5 minutes his I.P address/files on his laptop/phone/his friends etc … and, if needs be, what he had for breakfast! (via his webcam of course) 🙂 … Cowards like him think they can hide, they need to know the net is drawing in.

        Reply
    • Dead Poet 12th November 2021 at 12:29 pm

      Hey Grace, you sound awesome, like a hacking super hero 👍🏼

      Reply
    • Dead Poet 12th November 2021 at 1:36 pm

      👍🏼

      Reply
    • Tim17 12th November 2021 at 8:35 pm

      Hi sorry to hear about this guy u can change your Facebook account to friends only hope it helps u I have my account set like this due to someone bein nasty too

      Reply
    • LivelyTony 13th November 2021 at 1:52 pm

      Oh dear Grace, you do sound very frightened and worried.

      You will not enjoy life if you are too frightened to go out and enjoy yourself. Certainly you would be too worried to meet anyone from a dating site which is their purpose.

      On dating or general discussion forums you are insulated from others by the wireless connectivity. Unless you make a positive effort you will never meet anyone from any of those sites.

      You can read messages posted publicly but you are not required to do anything more and can delete any sent to you.

      Reply
    • Plumcake 13th November 2021 at 4:17 pm

      I was always told by my Mum to ignore people who annoy you.
      If you dont respond, they soon get bored and move on (Hopefully)

      Reply
    • Tricky Dicky 13th November 2021 at 4:18 pm

      My apologies on behalf of my fellow man…some can obviously be complete tools at times!

      Reply
    • Dez66 13th November 2021 at 7:17 pm

      Good for you to block someone where you feel it’s going to a inappropriate place… I was on pof for a while unfortunately after my 36 year relationship ended, I was surprised that women had to ask men not to do A B and C and not send inappropriate pictures, some I’ve heard are still in relationships living with an unknowing partner.
      Dating sites are a weird place, good luck, keep smiling.

      Reply
    • Cardy 13th November 2021 at 7:48 pm

      Just come off that site, and dont add any fuel.

      Reply
    • Paula’splace 24th November 2021 at 11:01 am

      Hi Bailygirl, I was so angry when I read your post these guys make me so mad – clearly obvious why they are single. How dare he think it’s ok to abuse you or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Dating online would be so much easier and more pleasant if there was some way to block these excuses for men. Sadly however you can also be unfortunate to meet them in person too. I have not ventured into online dating but I have heard of some very successful relationships one of my good friends recently married a man she met online, but also some horror stories too. Even the ones that aren’t real dicks don’t seem to have a clue how to ‘court’ a lady for example you don’t open up the conversation advising her of your sexual preferences. I’ve read a few opening messages another girlfriend received downright creepy. Don’t let it put you off, as the old saying goes you have to meet/kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

      Reply
    • Paula’splace 24th November 2021 at 11:06 am

      PS. Get a Dog much. more reliable, loving, generous, and kind !!!

      Reply
    • Dead Poet 26th November 2021 at 8:43 am

      Yes get a dog, they are still there in the morning & far better groomed! 🐕

      Reply
    • Peter Bailey 26th November 2021 at 8:58 am

      I deleted Facebook, too many keyboard warriors. I’m sure this man’s behaviour counts as stalking and you report him to the police if he does pop up on Facebook.

      Reply
    • LivelyTony 17th January 2022 at 11:20 am

      Whilst out walking, I usually give a greeting to other people’s dogs as they are usually much more friendly than the owners!

      They do not block people on internet sites either ( as far as I know ) and they usually like me to talk to them.

      I have spoken to many women who have been on dating sites and never met anyone from them in person. Rather defeats the objective.

      A couple of years ago I went to a wedding where the couple had met on Tinder. Heard they have just had a baby!

      Reply
    • Deleted User 17th January 2022 at 5:00 pm

      This type of behaviour puts me off dating sites. You did the right thing reporting him. Makes me wonder how we are supposed to meet anyone these days

      Reply
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