Home Forums Loneliness Why do I feel more like Im grieving after a relati...

Sutty Posted 9 months ago
Why do I feel more like Im grieving after a relationship breakdown than after the loss of my mother. It feels worse cause he had a choice and decided he wanted to move on. Being dumped in your 50s is worse than in 20s but doesnt feel right to say so 😢
33 likes & 101 replies
    • Foxyfoo 20th June 2021 at 1:30 pm

      I totally sympathize with this, because I am going through it. It is a big grief at this age.
      You have shared and given all the energy into a relationship and it’s very painful to let it go. It can make you feel empty and depressed especially if you don’t have any friends or family to understand.
      Please if you need to I’m always here to listen. Take care

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 9:58 am

        I think we should all have a naked crying into the sea session? 🤔 Seems like lots of lost people on this thread.
        I’m here to chat with too if you or anyone needs just an ear or a rant. X

    • Deleted User 28th June 2021 at 12:15 am

      Can’t really comment as I’ve been single for more than 20 years. Mind you, if I did ever meet someone who was interested – which is unlikely – due to the limited relationship experience I had as a youngster, it would definitely be a case of ‘one strike and you’re out’. And that wouldn’t be negotiable. Looks like I’m heading for a few more decades of single (lonely) life.

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 10:02 am

        Depends what the strike is mate.
        Have to be adapatable to be in a relationship which isn’t easy because women just don’t think anything like men!
        If only women knew how easy it is to get a bloke to do anything! But don’t tell em 🤔🤔🤔🤔
        Not having much relationship experience could be a big plus for the right woman and just because you’ve been single a long time doesn’t mean nobody wants you.
        Try dating someone you’d never date in a million years and see what happens.

    • Matobo 28th June 2021 at 11:01 am

      These things are never easy, I have had more than my fair share of heartache. I know everyone says that it will pass in time etc. It is really hard to believe this when you are in the middle of an emotional time. Life has a funny way of getting better when you least expect it sometimes, there is light after the dark and calm after the storm, but when it seems like midnight and you are in a torrential downpour it can seem impossible. You will be fine, when one door closes, another does open.

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 10:05 am

        Correct. Still missy ex and wish it could have worked out but it didn’t and never will so just have to get on with life.
        Some people like moaning about how crap life is though and that’s exactly why they are single in my opinion 🤔
        Not easy for us baldies though 🤔
        Seems like everyone on dating sites want a six food adonis too which isn’t really good and tall dark and hansom will be shallow and vein anyway 😳😂

    • Chi 4th July 2021 at 11:52 am

      Sorry to hear about your situation. It is always much harder for the person who has been “dumped” (I hate that word but cannot think of another) to move on because you are several stages behind the one who has made the decision to leave. It is also a lot harder when there are children involved, there is so much at stake and you worry about your dreams of the “family unit”. The same happened to me despite working tirelessly and sacrificing my own needs for the family. You probably keep thinking “what did I do?” but you may never get the answers you need. (I still haven’t and have only recently accepted that I never will but I know I am a good person and an even better Dad.) This makes it even harder to move on – as you say, bereavement over the death of someone can indeed be easier to cope with in most situations.

      Have you tried counselling? It helped me (even though they said there was nothing wrong with me!) but it has still taken me 4 years to get around to thinking about “moving on”. I hope your family are supportive.

      It is great there is a site like this where you can message and there are some lovely folk on here (men and women) who can share many of your woes and lend a friendly ear.

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 10:09 am

        I hate the word dumped and even worse is sperated! I’m not a fkin egg 🍳🤔😋
        Time does heal and no you will never see the world through the person that left you eyes so no point trying.
        Glad you are feeling like you can move on mate.
        Be excited about who you might meet next and you never know, she might be even nicer and make you think wtf did you miss the other one for a minute for 🤔

    • JAN 65 4th July 2021 at 5:50 pm

      Been single now since November 2020 at age 65 when I left the family home to start again, so I’m totally new to this area and lifestyle.

      I really need to find social friends meet up groups.

      Now Lockdown is ending its going to be even worse if forced to stay home because no one to go with 😂 it’s a bit crazy but life is for living…… Somehow

      So if they’re are groups and Meet ups for social gatherings please let me know especially if in Snodland because I don’t have transport that would be Perfect

      • Sandyg 18th July 2021 at 12:49 pm

        you need to join your local group for actual socialising..you will find one at bottom of page ,click on thec3 dots and 1 option is ‘ Local Groups’..Also, join Meetups.com, that’s all about actual events, it’s been a godsend to me

      • lynnridley 23rd July 2021 at 10:42 am

        Where do you live?

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 10:12 am

        Age is just a number!
        Is Snodland an actual place omg 🤔 sounds like something out of a Terry prachet book 😳😜📙
        65 is the new 25!
        Get yourself out and about and meet people.
        Here is you need a chat x

    • Heyjude68 6th July 2021 at 7:47 am

      Relationship breakdown is likened very much to bereavement but worse in as much as no closure as such. It has taken me over a year to feel comfortable and stronger in myself after seperating from abusive husband but worse still my kids chose to stay with him which broke my heart and piled on the guilt. My daughter has now moved in with me so that’s great but sons on too much of a good thing still. Be kind to yourself the rollercoaster will even off on time ❤️

    • Berni58 10th July 2021 at 6:59 pm

      Sutty, I can definitely identify with. I have just broken up with my partner and just can’t stop crying. He was the love of my life but I screwed up. Virtual hug x

    • Carrick 11th July 2021 at 11:27 am

      I know how you feel.

    • Sandyg 18th July 2021 at 12:46 pm

      I was ‘ dumped at over 60, after 38 years of marriage!!

    • karen54 18th July 2021 at 1:45 pm

      Being in a similar position I think it’s how it affects your confidence and self worth at this age…plus you’ve invested alot of yourself into a relationship which no longer exists so grieving is natural and takes time which you have to allow yourself.
      When someone leaves sometimes there is no prior warning…no situation to have even some short amount of time to get used to so it is a great loss even if it is for the best.

    • Chrisdmids 23rd July 2021 at 11:49 am

      I’m grieving for the 15 years when I was in my prime that I wasted on someone who basically just used me to bring her son up then kicked me out the day he went to university.
      Depends on what sort of relationship you had with your mom as to how much grief it feels like. No rules on grieving though! I was shocked at how upset I was when my dad passed away but realised after a while that I was grieving for the fact that we didn’t have a relationship and now never could!
      Remember you are as young as you feel though and people change so that’s why I think lots of people split when the kids leave home or just hitting 50 feels like a milestone and people re evaluate life.
      Look forward to new adventure!!!
      Been six years for me and had a few gfs but dating is sooooo hard now! Most people over 50 that are single should be and shouldn’t be dating but posative thinking or trying too.
      Here is you ever need a chat x

    • leo 23rd July 2021 at 11:58 am

      Whatever sounds of feels right should be acceptable to those who know you.
      I divorced aged 42 and I left him so not quite the same.
      Focus on yourself and what you want for the future ,yes it’s sad but reflecting on the past when things were good is only going to bring your mood down to a point where you aren’t motivated to make small steps forward with a new life.

    • Deleted User 23rd July 2021 at 12:42 pm

      I think you’ve got to take note of your own faults, your former partner’s faults, and work out what you each did wrong, then accept the loss, change what you need to change to improve on what you can offer to the world… and start your life again. There is certainly a time for grieving, but don’t overdo it! I’m thinking of Queen Victoria, who was not seen in public for over two years after Albert’s death, and Dickens’s Miss Haversham, who locked herself away for so long since she couldn’t remember when. Must have been difficult for her wearing only one shoe for all those years!

      • Chrisdmids 24th July 2021 at 10:16 am

        If you need too change to be with someone, they ain’t the one.
        Nobody is perfect but a parter should be a partnership and not all I can and can not do this that or the other.
        Just my opinion

    • AdrianSF 24th July 2021 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Sutty, you have every right to say so, and if you like, you can scream it from a rooftop(as long as you come down properly afterwards).
      I really cannot relate to your situation Sutty as I’ve been alone for 22 years now but I did lose my Mum in 2011 and I’m still rocking at that !
      If you ever want to talk, drop me a line….anytime.xx

    • Tim17 24th July 2021 at 9:49 pm

      I got dumped in my late thirties I kno it’s not 50 but in a few weeks u will realise u got your life back n u can do or go any where u want I’m 55 n still enjoying single life hope u feel good soon

    • Brighton Belle 25th July 2021 at 4:33 pm

      Where’s all lovely guys on here for all us lovely ladies that been through traumas in relationships- and know how each other feel-has been said your never to old to love and be loved …..

      • Chrisdmids 23rd October 2021 at 12:05 pm

        We exist but traumatised women who live in the past can be a bit much and relationships are hard enough without the woman constantly waiting to be treated badly because of her past. I have dated lots of women who have had bad experiences and tried to be the first person to treat them right but ultimately the damage is done and unless she can see you are not the ex its really hard

    • PATTYC 26th July 2021 at 2:59 am

      I know how you feel. My husband dumped me 17 years ago after 32 years of marriage. I was in my late 40s. I’ve still never recovered from it. He was my world since I was 16. I think it might have been easier if he had died.

    • Brighton Belle 30th July 2021 at 7:23 pm

      Ex means ex in my book …..One door closes another opens never go back always forward …..

    • Lov3lif3 31st July 2021 at 2:15 pm

      My last relationship was with an ex that I went back out with in 2014, I knew why he was my ex but 7 years after I thought we had both changed and it would work,I loved him to bits and always did. But those cracks were still there and once again he broke my heart. It took months to get over that loss and although I’ve had a few dates, I’ve never settled again. The fear of being hurt sometimes overwhelms me and I’m no longer looking now. I think it’s a out getting yourself to a place where you are happy with you, being happy and confident in your own skin and live your life.. I mean really live it. Go travelling join a group, meet up with others here (I’m yet to do that myself).
      What area are you in?


    • Donaldb8842 3rd September 2021 at 8:37 am

      I hope you are ok. This can’t be nice for you at all.
      Do you have children around you?

    • TERRITT1083 11th September 2021 at 9:27 pm

      Hi I’m going through the same was married 25 years then find myself single at 54 I wouldn’t know where to start if I wanted to date again

      Keep you chin up sweetie

    • MikeyG 11th September 2021 at 9:48 pm

      I think the grieving process is harder because the person you grieve and have lost is still around, I have also found that as i have got older (57) relationships have become harder to keep, we seem to be living in a throw away society and that includes people, ……But that said we will all keep trying to find that person that makes us happy, But i could be talking out of my hat as these are my own personal thoughts.

    • Millybee 15th September 2021 at 8:34 pm

      When you have been part of a couple for so long it is very hard to suddenly be single. I tried so hard to keep my husband over the last 5 years before he left that I didn’t grieve at all after he left me, I am still celebrating my freedom. A lonely freedom just now but I am getting to know myself & I would like to meet someone else but it will be hard to put my trust in another man after everything my ex put me through. Being dumped in your 20’s is ok you are young & know you won’t be alone for long but in your 50’s it is worse because its harder to trust someone new, even though we shouldn’t tar everyone with the same brush. There must be some decent people out there…

    • Louise F 15th September 2021 at 8:45 pm

      Grieving so so personal and individual, not just to the person grieving, but also to the person / animal / situation being grieved over. It’s ok to not be ok … hugs

    • annp12 17th September 2021 at 6:30 am

      I’m 75 and it still hurts. Mine left me for a cousin . We are now back together but the arguments have been horrific .I am at the stage of not knowing if I made the right decision to go back or if it would have been better to move on without him we were together 8 years. Now sadly trust has gone.but I still love him .and still hoping that we can stay together..we have not got many years left.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 17th September 2021 at 4:12 pm

      It’s always hard going through a break up.
      Especially in later life.
      Draw from your inner strength the storm will pass sending hugs xxx

    • Phil59 17th September 2021 at 4:48 pm

      Oh Sutty, sweep* (sorry always room for humour) all the doubts away and move on, it was his choice, whatever made him think that he wanted a new start is his prerogative. You are wonderful I am sure, it is no slight on you even though you might take it as that. Start to examine what you want from life love, you never know, it might surprise you to think its something that maybe isn’t involving your ex.

    • Maureeninwestlondon 20th September 2021 at 2:51 pm

      its hard to be dumped after 18 years of marriage for the second time i feel for you it makes you less confident but i have found bein in my 50s i know what i want now

    • Lost in life 21st September 2021 at 5:58 pm

      I am in the same boat as you and have never been so low in my life. 🥺😭. It can only get better. Hang in there x

    • Loveagoldie 21st September 2021 at 6:09 pm

      I’m in the same boat as you too. I’m 53 and after 34 years married he’s decided he doesn’t want to be anymore.
      Now having to sort everything out – divorce, finances etc.
      The worst is we moved away from all my family and friends two years ago and I won’t have enough money to be able to move back there. I can’t stay round here as he’ll be here so need to try and work out where to move to.
      Finding it so hard at the moment