Home Forums Dating When is it “Too Much”?

Solstice Posted 3 months ago
When is it “Too Much”?

I want to put this out virtually anonymously, because only a couple of people on here know who I am.

The point of my question is, when is the age gap too wide? I’m getting conflicting advice from those near to me, close to me and from “onlookers” close to neither party.

I have made no advances apart from being a friend, a confidante, and a go to for nights out instead of flying solo, but I am 61 and she is 25.

No comments like “Player” “Stud” or “Heffner” they are unnecessary and I would consider them outright offensive to the young lady rather than me. Same goes for the other names that I would really consider totally out of order when directed toward the young lady.

But anyway. What I know is, there is no “Father figure” no “Gold Digger” and no “use him until…..” point to this. We get on really well, we like each other a lot and we are enjoying the life we are sharing.

The thing that I am actually worrying about is doing her reputation harm. I am thick skinned; but gossip is a cruel tool in a jealous mind.

So. There we are. I am asking literally for a friend. Do we stop? Do we carry on regardless? I’m open to opinions. They may not change mine, but I would like to get a measure, for her sake.

2 likes & 72 replies
    • Naz 6th April 2022 at 9:12 pm

      This is obvious to me. I thought you are asking 61 and 50. But 25?? You need to protect her from any harm from other men as well not …….

    • Kaz-honey 6th April 2022 at 9:20 pm

      I’m curious do you have children? Either of you? Would this be a factor in your relationship now or in the future?
      Personally I cant actually imagine myself with a 25yr old i still refer to that age group as being youngsters, no matter how mature they may seem on the outside, they have no experience of life and if not immediately I think the age gap will eventually become a problem
      As you state the opinions of others wont change yours and would take from this that you have already made your decision

      • Kaz-honey 6th April 2022 at 9:29 pm

        Another question if you feel no shame then why are you putting this out there “virtually anonymously” !!!!!

        • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 11:06 am

          Thank you Kaz.
          Those who know me personally, either on here or in person have already expressed an opinion, and I listened and evaluated. Hence this “Blind tasting” so to speak.

          In life’s experiences, clearly, I have seen, heard and done more. That’s a given. “Children” is far too soon to be brought to the table, but I personally have two.

          I would highlight “may not change” as opposed to “won’t”. If I were not going to change at all, then there would have been no point tot the original question.

          “Shame”? I am not ashamed of our ‘partnership’, fling, relationship, whatever tag people want to put on it. We are simply enjoying each others company.

          Thanks again for the reply though. Interesting interpretation.

        • Simon ossai 7th April 2022 at 1:47 pm

          Yes this is correct

    • HH 2021 6th April 2022 at 9:46 pm

      A lot of people say age is just a number, and it doesn’t matter how old you are If you’re happy.

      This is quite an age gap though, and I suppose it depends how serious you think you may be the future.

      Does she want children etc? She’ll still be going out partying, her friends will be very young too.

      It depends on how that makes you feel.

      I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship with a 25 year old , purely because he could be my son, and that would make me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but that’s just me.

      Good luck with whatever decision you make though, who am I to judge? Xx

      • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 11:20 am

        Thank you HH

        As none of us are truly qualified to judge another, it still allows us to have differences of opinion. I respect that.

        Feeling uncomfortable is an interesting point. My children are actually older than 25, and they actually view my happiness as more important. Again, different strokes I suppose.

        When it comes to partying, music concerts, friends we have quite similar tastes. We get on well in the same circles of company.

        My choice has actually been made initially, and that was to date in the first place. It makes me feel good, and she feels good about it, so there is the major plus.

        Thank you for answering.

      • Chris A 13th June 2022 at 11:57 pm

        Good points 🙂

    • Gerard371 7th April 2022 at 7:59 am

      I think the age gap is too great. At 25 a lot of people are still very immature.
      It may work out it may not, but the odds are stacked against you.

      • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 12:06 pm

        Thank you Gerard.
        At 25 a lot of people are immature, and indeed at 61 the same could be said of a lot of people.

        I see, maybe through experience, education that we are not all the same, but we can become a product of our environment. A motivation coach i recently talked with said “you become the sum of the 5 people you spend most time with” In essence, a product of the environment. But, if that were to be factual, then does a nursery teacher become the product of a 3 year old mind?

        I know this person well, and we tend to move in the same social environment. It has to be so otherwise we would not have met. There had to be attraction on some level other than just physical, although, again, it had to play a part.

        In that context, we have had more time to evaluate, assess, analyse and procrastinate the future of “us”. So, if it has become more metaphysical than societies definition of “normal expectations” then surely, we are to break the mould and defy the odds?

        Thank you again for valid input.

        • Kaz-honey 7th April 2022 at 2:11 pm

          I’m totally confused now 🤔
          In this reply you state: there had to be attraction on some level other than physical
          But in your post you state: you have made no advances 🤔
          If its the latter then you don’t know how she would receive your physical advances!!
          I think its you who needs “to put a tag on it” as you say and not us

    • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 3:04 pm

      OK. Let me see if I can clear the confusion.
      In any social situation, a man carries himself with a certain “air”. If a woman sees that posture, hears the language used, sees how he commands the respect of his peers, is admired by some, even generating jealousy in some this “superiority” She then sees the potential for him as a partner. That’s basic Psychology 101.

      When we met, we conversed, we shared, I was respectful, courteous and remained chivalrous. Clearly those qualities attracted her to me. You seem to assume that I approached her. i didn’t need to. So, now as she has made indications of moving a friendship closer, I ask, is it appropriate FOR HER. Not for me.

      I, like most men would be, am flattered by the attentions of a young lady who is clearly attractive in her own right. She is also intelligent, progressive, able to “hold her own” in business and social situations.

      So look at this from the angle of business mergers for instance. A new company joining directors of an established company? Not a problem. Good for both.

      We already move in the same circles, this is just being closer, and moving still within the same circles, but now as a union rather than two individuals.

      Public perception is “That old guy can pull a bird” “He must have a lot of money” “She is a gold digger” She is a professional Escort” whatever. Again, I asked the question more for clarity on how people would feel it could affect her, not me.

      The problem i seem to glean from your response is that it has to be labelled as something. It has to have that tag for you to be able to process it. In my mind it really doesn’t because it is not all black and white, filed, categorised.

      I am always ready to admit when I get something wrong, provided a sensible, considered explanation is provided, and currently, all I am seeing from you is some passive aggression almost, and i can’t process where that comes from.

      So, if this doesn’t clear your confusion, feel free to expand on why you are confused. Thanks for the input. Interesting response.

      • Winniewoo 12th April 2022 at 1:38 pm

        I wonder whether you have been able to moot the issue with the woman (not keen on “you g lady” having never wanted to be one)? Maybe a talk about the possibilities for your future together, as friends or lovers, would draw out some of the relevant issues. Don’t you know that she enjoyed she is/not thinking about the same question? Do you think the intensity of your understandable worries might reduce if you had a sexual fling together, which can sometimes clarify a lot? Good luck with it all Solstice.

    • Vixster 7th April 2022 at 3:33 pm

      You are both adults and will do what you wish regardless of what we say. Personally i think you are too old for her because of potential children, your potential health issues, you retiring when she has decades still left to work and the amount of energy you have/will have compared to her. I have a 25 year old son and I would be totally gutted if he wanted to live with someone as old as his mum even if I really liked that person.

      • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 3:38 pm

        Thank you.
        Again, I have to highlight the assumption of more than just being seen out together. We are a social couple. We come together as a “Plus One” I believe the vernacular is.

        I have not, and indeed even if it is the case, implied any kind of physical liaison. We are not, will not, and have not even discussed “living together”, again an assumption, or maybe I was unclear.

        Thank you for sharing.

        • VFP 7th April 2022 at 4:53 pm

          I’m sorry Solstice but I completely agree with Vixter. Further, your sperm isn’t what it used to be: https://www.verywellfamily.com/does-age-affect-male-fertility-1959934 If you really want to put this woman first, then walk away.

        • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 6:52 pm

          OK. Well there we have it. Why do you assume sex, or even reproduction? Not once have i suggested that. I may be actually totally asexual. Your assumptions are of your own standards. Maybe this isn’t the advice i need to be researching, but thanks for giving me your view.

        • VFP 8th April 2022 at 6:27 am

          Ok, I get it but if your friendship bonds her to you in a way that stops her seeking a real partner (and Ok I am thinking about her childbearing years and that’s my own standard) then, if she were my daughter I would be pretty sad about it. If your friendship is not in any way exclusive then I don’t see a problem.

    • Selsdon 7th April 2022 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Solstice, you’ve asked for opinions and you’ve said you are thick skinned, so here’s mine, which I don’t think you are going to like…
      I find it very hard to believe this woman is genuine. 25 year old women do not generally fall in love with 61 year old men!
      I think you should get out of this relationship as soon as possible while you still have your dignity and bank balance intact!

      • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 7:01 pm

        Hi SL.
        Thank you for the feedback. You will note I have thanked pretty much everyone, because opinions are valid to the person that proclaims it and I respect that. Your opinion was invited, and whether or not it is liked, it is yours and you owned it completely. Excellent.

        Two things from what you say. There is no “love” we are in a close friendship. nobody mentioned “love” even if it became that, then it would be mutual or not at all. I don’t do “one sided”. Other than that, even at 25, she is the most genuine, self sufficient, business person I have had the pleasure of sharing company with. Social company, not business company, although there may be that form of collaboration as well.

        I am completely switched on to Gold Diggers having divorced one about 5 years ago, after making sure my legal team had tied down the contract where she left with virtually nothing. I did lose out but it didn’t take long to rebuild it.

        I am more concerned about the lady’s reputation than I am mine. We have known of each other for some time and now we are seen as each others +1 then I want people to see us as “normal folk” not the old geezer and his bit of fluff. She is way and away far better than that.

    • Staying Alive 7th April 2022 at 5:05 pm

      Not quite sure whether to agree or disagree.

      I have a school friend who is now 60, and her husband is 80. They are married, with three teenage sons.
      he had already been married with kids.so would already have life experience.
      i know they are happy , and like most relationships have had their ups and downs.

      Life is a learning experience. Your girl is just about to learn this .
      for better or worse.

      • Solstice 7th April 2022 at 7:06 pm

        Thank You S.A.
        I want to make it perfectly clear, this is just an “exclusive friendship” not a deep love, not a matrimony, but my original point seems to have been clouded. Am I likely to harm her in society by accepting we are good for each other as a close partnership?

        I can walk away, but I don’t particularly want to. I don’t want to stand in her way or drag her to some dark place in which she is seen as some wallet draining floosie with only her own agenda.

        A lot of assumptions made. some good insights. Nothing here I see as particularly negative, its just opinions after all, and like backsides we all have one but try not to wave it about in public.

        Has my original question been answered? Sort of. Do I agree with everything people have written? No. But I take it all on advisement and again, thank everyone for taking time to respond.

    • gruntfuttock 7th April 2022 at 7:20 pm

      It depends completely on the individuals involved, assuming that they are both adults.

    • Naz 7th April 2022 at 7:36 pm

      Sorry Solstice, my answer may not be in your favour but I believe you are the one had to tell her “her attraction to you should remain as a older and wiser friend and no more”. Still both enjoy as a friends but going to a relationship is very very odd.
      End of the day we are giving our opinions and you two had to decide about your life.

    • Gerard371 7th April 2022 at 7:43 pm

      Whatever the viewpoint, you’ll be glad to know that your personal relationship/ circumstances has made for an interesting post.

      On a more serious note, perhaps, you need her input. How does she see your relationship progressing. If she feels the same as you, then other people’s opinion is their problem.

      As with any relationship, people can find someone better but they can also find someone helluva lot worse.

    • Pops McCarthy 7th April 2022 at 11:04 pm

      If may add my two pennith. This is something you and the young lady in question should decide for yourselves, having brought all the factors that surround you personally to the table.
      If it’s all good for you both to see where you go from there then it don’t matter what anyone else says good or bad.
      Good luck to you, mate.

    • Mad Ralph 7th April 2022 at 11:21 pm

      If there’s no sexual contact or intention for any then a person can be friends with whoever they like. Age doesn’t come into it.
      Do you assume that people will think you are having sex and that’s why your worried about her reputation?

      • Solstice 10th April 2022 at 5:53 pm

        Ralph, I think, just by some of the responses here, that is indeed the basic assumption. Basic being the operative word here. I made no insinuation that there was any liaison other than we are just “seen together” and although it isn’t “every day” it’s not abnormal.

        I was more concerned with her reputation than mine, but it seems that many just want to fantasise that more is going on, and then vent their disgust, jealousy, wayward assumptions instead of reading the original post in an objective way.

        As I would with any lady my age, or younger or for that matter older! I am a polite, chivalrous gentleman. I never mentioned sex, marriage, children, money; they are all just in the minds of those who have potentially demonstrated their own persuasions, fantasies and wild assumptions to satisfy their own concepts of morality.

        It has been, as one person put it, an interesting discussion. A lot of it I can dismiss as irrelevant, and some I can dismiss as unnecessarily passive aggressive. Personalities and personal standards have been somewhat exposed here.

        An interesting exercise indeed.


        • Mad Ralph 11th April 2022 at 10:52 am

          I still don’t understand why her reputation would be tarnished by having a friend that’s older than her. (Unless this older friend has a reputation for unsavoury behaviour)

    • adeliza0165 7th April 2022 at 11:49 pm

      Sorry, but I think you’re in cuckoo land at the moment solstice and as cool as it looks to have a youngen on your arm… you need to wait for the dust to settle… and then you might see things more clearly and differently…

      i find it hard to get my head around a few things…

      she will want kids at some point – do you want kids all over again??… getting up in the middle of the night… not been able to go out together because the babysitter has cancelled…

      You are in your retirement years – you can go travelling or go on holiday for months at a time if you wanted to – she can’t do that. If you had a place abroad, you could stay there for as long as you wanted to, but she wouldn’t be able to do that with you.

      When you chat about celebrities or music from your era, does it seem alien to her or does she know who you’re on about?

      Are her parents older or younger than you? – do you have more in common with them and how do they feel about it? How do your children feel about it? family will feel hurt/angry, even if they don’t show it and will probably ridicule you behind your back – ‘he must be going through a later life crisis!…’

      Do you think she’ll stand by your side if your health starts to deteriorate? or will it be too much for her, particularly if you have children and she has to look after them as well? What about her job aswell?

      When you’re both at different levels/stages in life, there’s a lot to think about – its one thing dating but another thing living together and i feel that for the time being you’re seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses and i feel that they will only come off when something real really hits hard…🤔

      • Solstice 8th April 2022 at 5:53 pm

        “as cool as it looks to have a youngen on your arm”

        Not really. I am flattered by attention. Of course I am, but she is not there purely for decoration. I think that’s unfair to her.

        “she will want kids at some point”

        Assumption. As I have known this lady for some time, I know how she feels on that subject. I have no need or desire to expand on that.

        You are in your retirement years – you can go travelling or go on holiday for months at a time if you wanted to – she can’t do that.

        Assumption. She is a successful independent business person and travels extensively, as do i for both business and pleasure.

        How do your children feel about it?
        They are really happy for me

        Do you think she’ll stand by your side if your health starts to deteriorate?

        I am disabled, but it does not impact heavily on my ability to continue in a relatively active life

        its one thing dating but another thing living together

        Totally agree on this point. We are not even remotely at a stage where that is even on the table. I doubt, in all honesty, it would ever be.

        i feel that
        Thanks for your input. I enjoy the debate.

        • adeliza0165 11th April 2022 at 8:39 am

          If this is just a friendship… why have you been bothered putting this post up?? We all have friendships, work colleagues/aquaintances, etc. with different people of different age groups/gaps, so your post does force me to assume and believe that your friendship with her is a prelude to something else… otherwise you wouldn’t be asking the question, when is it too much… 🤔

    • Optimistic 8th April 2022 at 8:59 am

      I do not understand why you have even put this post out there, you say you are friends and enjoy each others company, fair enough end of story.
      You have now made it very public claiming you are worried about her, that is a bit of a contradiction .it sounds like you have the problem here.
      Just enjoy what you have and get on with it without drawing attention to yourself

      • Solstice 8th April 2022 at 5:55 pm

        Thanks for joining in.

        You have now made it very public claiming you are worried about her, that is a bit of a contradiction .it sounds like you have the problem here.

        It’s not a problem unless someone makes it a problem.

        It’s hardly “Public” when nobody here knows me personally, and most certainly doesn’t know the other party.

    • Mo001 8th April 2022 at 9:00 am

      After reading your question and your responses to the replies, I have no idea what you were expecting to hear from the RL group.

      And I think if your being honest with yourself your loving the attention of a very young woman. Only you will know your true intentions. If it’s solely a friendship or will lead to more.

      How does the very young woman feel about you openly discussing her on an online forum. Personally if I cared about the person I couldn’t do that, I would have more respect for the person.

      So that takes us back to the motivation for your post.

      e.g. your comment:

      ‘You seem to assume that I approached her. i didn’t need to’

      That’s a very boastful comment, again not showing respect for the very young woman. It was all her coming on to you. You didn’t have to do a thing.

      • Solstice 8th April 2022 at 5:58 pm


        I have no idea what you were expecting to hear from the RL group.

        Valid discussion?

        Personally if I cared about the person I couldn’t do that, I would have more respect for the person.

        Nobody here actually knows either of us personally. It could be you’re reading a book. This is a moot point.

        So, should I have phrased it differently? Or just expressed the facts as they are..

    • Fuff 8th April 2022 at 12:34 pm

      I think if you’ve made up your mind on the friendship and you’re comfortable with it you wouldn’t have felt the need to put up this post.

      If you are both happy then it’s up to yourselves and don’t worry about what others think. You’ll just have to learn to live with the opinions of others. It wouldn’t be for me but everyone is different.

    • Mad Ralph 8th April 2022 at 12:38 pm

      And maybe it’s only you who thinks this could develop into more then a friendship. She could be repulsed by the very idea of it. My suspicion is your reading the signals wrong.

      • Solstice 8th April 2022 at 5:37 pm

        Thanks Ralph.
        Every view is from that persons eyes. As it happens, she made the suggestion, but still. All you have to go on is your experiences and the little I have told you. Knowing me better than just words on a screen might give you a different angle, but Best not try to second guess anything. I can only go on facts, and they are plain as day.

        • Mad Ralph 8th April 2022 at 6:30 pm

          Until she actually rips your clothes off and hops on I’d keep her well in the friends zone because if you have got it wrong your going to lose a very good friend and will always be thought of (in her eyes) as a “dirty old man”
          Tread carefully my friend.

        • Solstice 10th April 2022 at 10:03 am

          Not so sure any of that is likely to happen. I appreciate your input.

    • Tambos57 10th April 2022 at 9:46 pm

      Being friends is fine.

      If it’s sexual then the gap is to great for various reasons, not to mention the impact it has on family & friends.

      I have a daughter if 25. If I knew of somebody twice her age wanting a sexual relationship with her, I’d be having a quiet word with them.

    • Solstice 10th April 2022 at 11:16 pm

      I am astounded that this even comes into the discussion. You know the phrase “By your own standards”? Seems there are a few minds firmly in the gutter here, or some strange twisted fantasy being played out.

      I have asked this question elsewhere and it didn’t revolve around discussions of intercourse, having children. Wow, even when the person in question asked of her peers it didn’t go to that level.

      Thanks everyone who has responded, but really? Put down your 50 Shades of Grey and your Michael Douglas biographies. it’s really disturbing.

      • Tambos57 11th April 2022 at 6:48 am


        You make me laugh, you ask for peoples views but when read something you obviously don’t like/agree with you suggest their minds are in the gutter.

        • Mo001 11th April 2022 at 9:55 am

          I agree Tambos this has to be the strangest responses from an RL user that I’ve seen. Sadly it’s not what I though RL was all about, asking a question then being arrogant, obnoxious and rude in response. The only mistake the rest of us have made is responding to this person:

          Just remember folks (the originator of this question reminded us of this in a post below):

          “Never argue with an idiot, because they will drag you down to their level and beat you on experience”

        • Kaz-honey 11th April 2022 at 12:39 pm

          his responses are passive aggressive

    • Sue Devon 10th April 2022 at 11:43 pm

      I only query why she is not socialising/growing up with her own age group/peers?

      There are bound to be things she will miss out on and therefore not learn from if she doesn’t engage with this group?

      I also note there is a lot of talk around ‘Gold digger’ and ‘ reputations’, however like I referenced before surely this is about a young adult growing into a mature adult, surely this is best achieved in a social environment that is age appropriate.

      We don’t send children aged 6 to work so they learn how to do the job.

      Maybe supporting her to engage with her peers is a better use of friendship?

      • Solstice 11th April 2022 at 2:05 am

        Thanks Sue.
        We mix in quite a diverse group, both ages and abilities. I’ve not really sought to try and ask why she makes the choices she does. She is quite emotionally, and socially mature. She is “on a level” with a wide range of ages as am I.

        A six year old doesn’t get put to work, correct. Because that would be futile, there is no level of either physical or mental capacity.

        From some, not all of the responses, it seems the fact that this person has a successful business career was ignored. She is on a par financially, she is very skilled. She is independent and secure. So, no gold digger.

        Many minds have immediately latched on to the (assumed) “physical” relationship, but I have made it clear that was not an aspect for concern or discussion. I am somewhat flabbergasted that someone saw fit to link to some article about the deterioration of male sperm with age! (Massively unnecessary).

        In so far as I have examined, digested and evaluated all of the responses, I would say there are only a small number who have taken time to read the entire introductory post, where the rest only made invalid suppositions and contributed nothing to the debate.

        C’est la vie. Not sorry I asked, just expected more maturity and intelligent discussion. Perhaps I should just repost infantile memes and not try to open discussions. What is the quote? “Never argue with an idiot, because they will drag you down to their level and beat you on experience”

    • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 10:25 am

      We all have friendships with different age groups … thats life, so not really sure what the question is here🤔
      Or is it just an ego boost that you want the rl to know you have pulled a child..
      Not sure of your motives solstice🤔

      • Gerard371 11th April 2022 at 10:47 am

        He hasn’t pulled a child, she’s 25, so really to put child into your comments doesn’t help anyone.

        It’s flattering to have a young female who likes your company. Everyone knows that men are complete idiots when they’re younger, so she probably likes the more mature male for their more knowledgeable, and more balanced outlook.

        I work with a lot of females, 20s,30s,40s and 50s, and I get on well with them, they know my sense of humour, and humour me when I try to wind them up. The majority have or want children.
        But getting on well doesn’t mean they would consider a relationship with you.

        So I would tread carefully. Better to remain friends, or wait for her to make the first move.

        • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 11:38 am

          My opinion …my right Gerard371.
          Anyone 36 years younger in my eyes is a ‘child’ maybe not in age but in maturity.
          I have three sons in their 30’s and 40’s but they are still youngsters in my eyes.
          Your comment
          Everyone knows that men are complete idiots when they’re younger is very condescending my job requires i meet men of all ages and to brand young men as ‘complete idiots’ is uncalled for..
          I would check your own morals b4 you comment on others.
          Solstice will make up his own mind as really does any man listen to what others think? No

        • Gerard371 11th April 2022 at 12:39 pm

          Dear oh dear, I think taking my comment young men are idiots to task, is a tad rich, when I was referring to men aged 35 and under, who as we all know are still youngsters and not mature enough to be called adults. 😏

        • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 1:43 pm

          Pretty sexist remark there …men under 35 are not mature enough to be called adults but 25 yr old women are mature enough to be called adults …mmmm

        • Gerard371 11th April 2022 at 2:09 pm

          I just repeated what you stated in your comments.

          “Anyone 36 years younger in my eyes is a ‘child’ maybe not in age but in maturity.
          I have three sons in their 30’s and 40’s but they are still youngsters in my eyes.”

          You continue to contradict yourself, if anything your comments above prove my generalization that young men are stupid, a comment which I might add wasn’t to be taken that literally, more in a good humoured way.

          As for been a sexist comment, please read the following:

          Scientists at Newcastle University in the U.K. have discovered that girls tend to optimize brain connections earlier than boys. The researchers conclude that this may explain why females generally mature faster in certain cognitive and emotional areas than males during childhood and adolescence. The new study was published on December 19, 2013 in Cerebral Cortex.

        • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 2:38 pm

          Ha ha ha I think all parents dont see their kids grow up…my boys will always be my babies! ‘Stupid’ they are not!
          That is still a sexist comment and that is a generised quote..some girls are very stupid too! Lol
          We will not agree on this but that is not unusual..men hate women who have opinions different to theirs.
          I wish you a long and happy life 👋

        • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 2:41 pm

          Ps i said 36yrs younger in a relationship context not age 36…get the facts straight

        • Gerard371 11th April 2022 at 3:19 pm

          You said you had sons in their 30s and 40s and you treat them as youngsters, so I used the average age, 35.

        • Gerard371 11th April 2022 at 2:56 pm

          Let me leave you with this to ponder, mother’s are 75% to blame for why their boys never grow up, because they treat them like children, doing everything for them even when they are 16 and over.
          Once young men get a girlfriend or wife, they again treat them like youngsters, so they take 20% of the blame for why men are so immature.

          As my research shows, nature also plays a part, so it takes 5% of the blame why men act as they do.

          In fact it’s only the men who are blameless in all of this, we are just pawns to be taken at will by females who instead of letting men become fully functioning adults reduced us to playthings. Buy us a season ticket, a car, a new phone, etc etc, and we are distracted from our life of servitude.

          I must add, I welcome differing opinions.

        • Lookforwardnotback 11th April 2022 at 3:07 pm

          I might have known we would be at fault lol
          Do some men never take accountability for their own actions? It seems not…
          I wld add my sons thank me regularly for their upbringing as they are all very grounded with their own homes, families and businesses of their own..i bet they would love to have been playthings..i will use that one at our next family gathering next week..pretty sure it will raise a chuckle or two..thank you

    • Will998 11th April 2022 at 2:47 pm

      If the question is really asked “for her sake”……

      I would say that if she is comfortable to be seen socialising or befriending a man old enough to be her father or even grandfather, that is entirely up to her.

      I cant figure out why the question was even asked if it is purely a platonic friendship 🤔

    • SouthernSoftie 12th April 2022 at 11:35 am

      I am not sure why you have asked the audience as you have made up your mind. We just need to do what we feel right with.

      I know I prefer men a bit younger than me, not a toyboy.

      I was once told by a male that if you do hook up with a much younger guy he will leave you at some stage for a younger model. When I did date a guy about 16 years younger I never saw it going anywhere so did not give it a chance. Just saw it as fun at the time and it suited both of us.

      • Solstice 12th April 2022 at 1:57 pm

        Good to see this is still sparking debate.

        The question wasn’t to change my mind though. It was literally to invite discussion. That I have succeeded with.

        If we specifically focus on my situation? We have talked very openly. We are both intelligent, sensible people and we know where we can or can’t go with our liaison.

        I’m sure ‘i shouldn’t need to reiterate, but in order to reduce “scrolling”, If someone chooses to refer to her as a Gold Digger, a Tart, Desperate, those are a few of the more repeatable names called, then do I cut off the partnership and basically make us both unhappy because of small minded individuals?

        We are comfortable at the level we have set for ourselves. The problem with certain contributions to this thread have been assumptions based on conjecture. I’ve applied a mental filter to those remarks.

        Like anything in life, (To quote the betting industry) Once The Fun Stops, Stop.


    • Deleted User 15th April 2022 at 10:34 pm

      People ask for advice but will do what they want in the end

    • Caroline0359 17th April 2022 at 9:52 am

      I have read a lot of the comments and you are defending yourself in most of your replies. Which shows you do want to have this friendship/relationship and that nothing anyone has said will change that.
      So do want you feel is best for you and the young lady. Its bo one else’s business.

    • Silverclarity 17th April 2022 at 4:46 pm

      I don’t think age matters. The body ages but minds and hearts don’t – so if you have a genuine connection, enjoy it.

    • Let the Fun Begin 18th April 2022 at 11:56 am

      I think a lot of conclusions have been jumped to on this thread – but you have posted on a dating forum so probably not surprising, maybe if you’d posted in a different forum within RL, you would have got different answers.

      However, it’s brought up some interesting debates and opinions and I’ve enjoyed reading them and your responses.

      I have a relationship with an older man that is more than friendship, very difficult to ‘put in a box’ but it’s not sexual, however, it is very intimate. He’s the same age as my Dad but he’s not a father figure to me at all. We connect at a deep level – we often joke about timewarps etc – and if closer in age – may well have advanced the relationship to sexual, exclusive etc. We have talked about it, but it’s complicated as his children are my age (I went to school with his son for example), he’s my children’s grandad’s age etc and we have never really been sure that is what either of us want anyway – so rather than risking what we have, and our relationships with our families etc. – we stayed deep friends. After his wife died about 15 years ago (and me being a single Mum) – he did make some assumptions on us being together as a couple – maybe because he was grieving and lonely – but we’ve worked through that and remain very important to each other. I love being with him, and he loves being with me. When we talk on the phone, I always feel lifted, however bad a day I may be having. We have similar interests and values but also love debating about many things! He’s been by my side through some really difficult life events as I have for him. I don’t even know if I would find another man that I would want to spend time with as much as i do him – but as you’ve truly said in your responses – not all relationships can be ‘labelled’ and they are all so unique that only you and this lovely lady you enjoy being with can steer it.

      I will say that my first reaction when I read your OP was, she’s 25. She can look after herself and her own reputation. You could discuss your concerns with her, if you haven’t already, but really, it’s her life, and it sounds like she is more than capable of working out what she wants from life, from a relationship with you etc herself and managing any risks to her reputation. It’s not yours to protect. That is my opinion as a single Mum who’s tired of men thinking they know what I want though – lol.

      So I’d say – put the worries aside and simply enjoy your time together. Life is too short, special friendships such as this don’t come around very often so just be together when you can 🙂 age truly is just a number. And you are proving that beyond argument here.

    • Solstice 20th April 2022 at 7:41 am

      Thank you so much!
      This is a complete “Nail On The Head” moment. Apart from the Single Mum bit, (which I fully respect, not that you need my validation I suspect).

      There are a lot of assumptions made, but I have remained aloof to them as they didn’t serve to answer my original point.

      This thread, I hope will serve as a debate, but also as an indicator of the many mixed values people hold. Just because they may be different to mine, that doesn’t mean they are wrong.

      We do still meet, “date”, court whatever word fits best with anyone reading this. We go home to our separate places (Close together, but still), and we are enjoying being “together”.

      The lady in question has spoke at length about where we see “us” and indeed has read, and debated some of the responses here. Maybe, it seems I was a bit too eager to defend her reputation as indeed, she can stand up for herself.

      I am not about to delete the original post, and as it is still creating narrative, I will continue to revisit it.

      I do genuinely appreciate everyone’s time in giving feedback, even those that were unusual interpretations. I am trying to study psychology (as a hobby!) and it has given me a lot to research, and learn from.

      We are still together too.

      Thanks All who join in.


    • Chris A 14th June 2022 at 12:16 am

      I would be wary of the age gap, currently in throes of separating from partner of 18 years now she is now 38I’m 52 and at that age gap there have been and are significant challenges , we didn’t / couldn’t overcome them unfortunately but she wanted kids etc etc which I did but things change massively and your lady at 25 , not being anti or pro but she has a whole life in front of her.
      Since 50 I have started noticing things with my kids that I question myself would that have annoyed me if I had been 10 years younger? Then the arguments start etc etc 🙁
      Idk but big decision so good luck 🙂