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Marka Posted 5 months ago
Unhealthy habits. I decided to take early retirement at 60. However I struggle with boredom and negativity. I want to try and change the way I think but find this very hard. I do not have any hobbies and only take my dog for a walk. I do not have any friends and life is pretty boring.

I find myself looking back on when I was working and the office way of life a beer on Friday and then playing and watching football at the weekend more social life.
I try to be active has I can attending gym, running but once again everything is done on my own. I also helped others in my community maintaining their gardens.
I just wanted more from my life in retirement.
Anyone else out there who have been through the same issues and how did they come through the other side and remain positive. Thanks

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16 likes & 84 replies
    • Mad Ralph 5th September 2021 at 6:59 pm

      I went to a local group of “Shedders” for the first time last Tuesday and really enjoyed it, I usually find conversations with people I don’t know challenging but this wasn’t the case at all. It was so easy and the conversation flowed freely. I’d highly recommend it if you have one close by. 👍
      (It’s not just for men btw the group I attended was mostly women)

      https://restless.co.uk/health/healthy-mind/mike-74-on-the-importance-of-mens-sheds-in-giving-men-purpose-identity-and-friendship/

      Reply
    • Dee R 18th September 2021 at 7:11 am

      I think the old adage about planning your retirement is important. What will you do when you retire; what friends will you meet up with regularly, what hobbies or interests will you embrace?

      I would look at some of the ideas here and go look up some local groups were of things that interest you, cooking classes, gardening groups or life drawing classes perhaps. There you will meet folk with a similar interest and may make friends to meet for coffee from this activity. Volunteering is also a good idea and helps you feel you are contributing to society. Look on Facebook for local pages as they often add what is going on group wise, maybe help out with local fairs, get on committees, they are always needing extra help. Find things you will be comfortable doing, even if they may stretch you a little.

      I’m comfortable in my own company and do lots of crafts and teach so find it difficult to fit work in, and am really looking forward to retiring!

      Reply
    • Marka 18th September 2021 at 7:17 am

      Thanks again for all the replies.
      Things are moving in the right direction.
      Started playing badminton and my gym sessions have increased to 3 per week.
      Life is good at the moment but has we all know life can be a rollercoaster but you just need to ride it.

      Reply
    • LucasH 18th September 2021 at 8:08 am

      The social aspect of work is so important plus the meaning and purpose of work.
      I knew that when I finished work that what I would miss (apart from the free lunches) was the building full of people to talk to and I do miss it even though I have crammed my retirement with all sorts of hobbies.
      I’m in the U3A, which is really good.
      I’m signed up to Meetup but haven’t had time to attend any events.

      I’m not sure that I will go back to work, I was finished with it but I do miss the people.
      I’m looking forward to making new friends and trying new things.

      Reply
    • mr pete 19th September 2021 at 12:25 am

      hi mark try your local u3a,all sorts of people +activitys and thing thing is with the u3a if you can’t find activities and groups you like you can set up your own group then get people to join your group,goodluck.

      Reply
      • Jenn1fer 29th September 2021 at 11:43 am

        Hi Pete,

        I have seen u3a mentioned a few times now. I have never heard of this organisation, can you tell ma a little about them please?

        Reply
        • Lizzib 3rd October 2021 at 9:44 am

          Where are you Jennifer. It is for anyone jot in full time employment. Various groups, depending on where you are. Run by members. So people in similar situations. Peoplecwantingbto carry on with hobbies or learn new skills in a friendly environment. If your particular interest isn’t covered you can set up a new group.

          Reply
        • Jenn1fer 3rd October 2021 at 11:28 am

          I am in the North-East of Scotland, up in Aberdeen. As I say I have never heard of them, sounds exactly what I need.

          Reply
        • Lizzib 3rd October 2021 at 6:13 pm

          Google u3a aberdeen and their welcome page will come up. Go to that and click on groups to see what they already do.

          Reply
    • Keith D 19th September 2021 at 10:10 am

      I had to take early retirement at 35 and after coping with depression etc.
      I took up doing voluntary work
      My wife and kids were either at school or working and I was in a lot of pain from a back injury.
      Eventually I started with my local community transport driving my own car for expenses.
      I also joined U3A a d it helped a bit , but it was in its infancy
      But today some groups ring 5-6 days a week
      I also joined choirs a singing groups, from which I went onto learn to read music and play the piano you could consider joining exercise groups such as Pilates, yoga, Tia chi

      I wish you look because depression can be hard to live with especially if you are on your own

      Take care a d stay well

      Reply
      • Marka 19th September 2021 at 10:58 am

        Thanks 35 seems very early for retirement.
        I am doing well at the moment playing badminton and going to the gym.
        However you know at some point depression will be back but you just have to ride it through.
        I will be on antidepressants for the rest of my life and been taking now for 8 years. I do also use CBT and mindfulness.
        Piano sounds great we bought a small piano has my wife wants to learn to play.
        If you lived nearer we would book some lessons with you.
        All the best.

        Reply
        • Keith D 19th September 2021 at 12:19 pm

          Hi Marka
          I overcame depression with help and after a very short while I binned the antidepressants and have never taken them since. I also had hypnotherapy c, d still use the cds occasionally for reinforced, just before I go to bed.

          Im not a music teacher, but theres plenty about, you can find 1 by looking on google, in your local Library or yellow pages( if you still have a copy. Or you could take lessons at college

          I had 2. 8 weeks sessions to learn the piano and to read music. I then went onto find a music teacher and had several years of weekly lessons !!. I realised that I had gone as fR as I wanted, so stopped, I play nowadays again for pleasure

          But only you can decide what path to take . Perhaps you and your wife could consider taking piano/music lessons a nd support each other?
          As I dont have that luxury I live alone a d have a lot of years.

          I have several long term health problems that at times can restrict my mobility
          I retired at 35 because of a back Injury. At work
          I have had C B T and counselling earlier this year through the NHS, whom I am a volunteer governor with. We support people living with mental health issues . If you arent happy with therapy for depression etc you can refer yourself for other free therapies via your local I APTS nhs services

          I love my exercise and yoga, which I do in my homes I have a mini-treadmill.
          I do yoga via zoom a d it means I don’t have to leave home, when it’s bad weather.
          All I can advice is that you never accept that depression and mental health issues will always come back?
          Theres plenty of help available

          Best wishes mr chipps the singing poet

          Reply
    • wardo70 20th September 2021 at 5:16 pm

      Lots of suggestions already ..I believe retirement is a start of the rest of your life ..use it positively…regarding activities..get into a routine of activities ..suggest volunteering in a local charity shop is a great opportunity to stay in contact with society. Learn a language or musical instrument .. good luck …stay positive.

      Reply
    • Marka 20th September 2021 at 5:30 pm

      Learn a language is a good idea

      Reply
    • Rowie 111 29th September 2021 at 2:29 pm

      Volunteer at something you care about and you will be helping your community, meeting people just like you and the ‘work’ you do will be so appreciated.
      Volunteer car schemes, Volunteer gardening,
      Litter picking on beaches and canals, stewarding events,
      Befriending lonely and isolated people, teaching children or adults to read, the list is endless.
      Volunteering brought me joy, laughter, friends and boosted my self esteem.
      Try the do it website.

      Reply
      • Deleted User 22nd October 2021 at 11:31 am

        That’s where that old bible scripture comes into it’s own… it is better to give than to receive.
        Helping others is possibly one of the most rewarding things we can do and so good for ourselves let alone those helped.
        You have the privilege of being able to read… share it etc etc.

        Reply
    • Mike Holmes 2nd October 2021 at 9:30 am

      I empathise with what has been said.

      I retired in March 2020, and really enjoyed the first year of retirement. It was a relief to be free of the pressure and stress of work. And it was great to have time to do what I wanted to do.

      But for the last 6 months I have been a bit lost. I started to miss the company of work colleagues and customers (I worked in retail). I feel isolated.

      Despite having no money worries, and a comfortable home, there is something missing.

      I am hoping that the Rest Less site will help me see things differently.

      Reply
      • Marka 2nd October 2021 at 10:52 am

        Hi Mike,
        Totally understand. I was in the same position.
        Life is good at the moment.
        Keeping fit and playing badminton.
        My own experiences of restless is you get replies when reaching out but for one reason or another I have never met up with anyone make or female.
        This could be due to location or something else.
        I reached out to Nextdoor which is in my community and managed to receive replies to my badminton on a Friday morning.
        Good luck I hope you get the responses and support and help from other likeminded individuals.
        Not sure where you are but your more than welcome to join us for badminton at Fairfield in Dartford Kent.

        Reply
        • Emel 15th October 2021 at 9:37 pm

          I joined Nextdoor in my area hoping to make friends but unfortunately all everyone appears to be interested in is slating the local council for everything that goes on. Even things that have nothing to do with the Council.
          I don’t want to get pulled into that, it is so bad that I am seriously thinking of unsubscribing.
          After the last eighteen months everyone has had I think we all need positivity and something to uplift us.

          Reply
      • Emel 15th October 2021 at 9:20 pm

        Know the feeling Mike, I realised my life revolved around my work. My family are grown up with families of their own so are no longer around. Even my social life revolved around work colleagues and sorry to say I soon found how quickly I was discarded once I was no longer part of that ‘work’.
        Feel quite lonely at times but as you say, something missing. Have joined a meet up group but at this late stage in life it’s not easy getting to know people and make new friends.

        Reply
        • Marka 16th October 2021 at 7:10 am

          You are not alone.
          When working we have a purpose.
          However when you stop you then start to realise that work has become your life over the years.
          I believe to look forward not back and start to make new friends joining groups and doing things you enjoy.
          Life carries on and it’s just different.
          Stay strong and positive and things will get better.
          All the best

          Reply
    • Mike Holmes 2nd October 2021 at 5:24 pm

      Thanks for replying, Marka.
      I’m pleased you have found some new pastimes, it sounds like things are going a bit better for you. I hope it continues.
      Thanks for the offer of playing badminton. I live in the North East of England, and according to Google I am 260 miles away from you, so I can’t see it happening !
      I appreciate the invitation, it is kind of you.
      I am sure I will look at things differently, given time, and thanks for your kind words.

      Reply
    • Pennypitstop 3rd October 2021 at 12:04 pm

      I think there should be friendship sites as well as dating sites….not everyone wants to date or might be already in a relationship but want to make friends.

      Reply
      • Marka 3rd October 2021 at 1:35 pm

        Totally agree some people initially prefer make and female friendship.
        With the latter no one knows where this may lead. However some prefer friendship and friends they can rely on to help through difficult times.

        Reply
    • Steve32 3rd October 2021 at 1:09 pm

      I retired at 55 due to health issues and have done a lot of volunteering over the last 5 years to relieve boredom, but not much volunteering in the last 18 months so its been difficult to keep motivated

      Reply
      • Marka 3rd October 2021 at 1:39 pm

        Hi Steve,
        Sometimes life is like a rollercoaster and to keep motivated can be a challenge in itself especially if anyone is suffering from depression.
        I know it can be difficult has I have been their and have the T-shirt.
        You just need to dig deep do not take yourself to seriously and do things in moderation little and often.
        Good luck

        Reply
    • Gill C 4th October 2021 at 8:10 am

      The first six months of my retirement were wobbly as it coincided with lockdown. But I’ve gradually built up a new set of activities and routines that keep me occupied and feeling connected and valued. Reading resources on sites like this help. One of my anchor points is Fly Lady which is about so much more than housework. It’s about self-care and overcoming depression etc. http://www.flylady.net

      Reply
    • Shirlann 16th October 2021 at 10:15 am

      Think most things are in the mind 🙃if you keep telling yourself your bored and lonely you will be🤔I’ve been there

      Reply
      • reliquit 16th October 2021 at 11:15 am

        I’m inclined to agree, although it is not always a popular perspective. I’m 70 and have been retired for 14 years. I don’t think I have ever been bored because there are so many things I want to do. There is always something new on my horizon.

        Reply
    • Marka 16th October 2021 at 11:11 am

      Totally agree with that statement.
      The mind is a powerful tool.
      You have approx 2,000 thoughts a day
      If you tell yourself you look s**t you will feel s**t
      However it’s not easy to change your mindset from negative to positive we are not an electrical switch on and off.
      It takes time with CBT and anti depression tablets which work for me.
      I lost my mother and eldest son to depression both committed suicide.
      Just little steps at a time and don’t be hard on yourself.

      Reply
    • Benedicte 19th October 2021 at 11:30 am

      I am sorry to hear you do not enjoy your retirement. The important thing as you live in your own is to keep busy and meet people. I have made new friends by joining an Aquafit class which I attend 3 times a week and a book club for which we only meet monthly but have started lunching in between. I also recommend volunteering (currently a steward for COVID vaccine) and learning a new skill. Sometimes I get too busy and my husband finds it hard to keep tracks on my activities!😁 I hope my story helps you. Good luck!

      Reply
      • Marka 19th October 2021 at 11:56 am

        Thank you
        I have duly noted your comments.
        I am going to the gym 3 times a week and things are a lot better than previously.
        I have done voluntary work for the Mind charity and recently started playing badminton but my badminton partner tore his Achilles’ tendon so cannot play for another 6 weeks.
        I suppose I do not feel old enough to retire and like to keep active.
        Work was also away of socialising with colleagues during lunchtime and after work.
        Anyhow my mood is very positive at the moment and may that continue

        Reply
    • Benedicte 19th October 2021 at 12:07 pm

      So pleased to hear you are positive! Age does not matter as long as you are active and purposeful. Wishing you all the best!

      Reply
    • 650cc dominator 2 22nd October 2021 at 10:18 am

      You don’t say if you have a boyfriend. You appear to be attractive so would have no trouble finding one. Perhaps another retiree and you could explore new interests together. What area do you live. Have you got any museums locally you could visit. Or places of interest. Are you happy with your own company or are you lonely.
      I’m in london and if I had the time I would use my bus pass and get on the bus into central london and then just see what happens.

      Reply
    • 650cc dominator 2 22nd October 2021 at 10:30 am

      Sometimes it helps to talk to other people on the phone. You could swap phone numbers with other people on this site.

      Reply
    • Alan J 22nd October 2021 at 8:18 pm

      I retired December 2019, and I do Part Time Jobs, but I feel that I’ve had a Great Life, you need to look at yourself and realise how great you actually are, and this is what has been coming our way. I mean we Had the 70s and 80s, something that the youth of Today including my Seven Grandchildren will never know, real freedom, I would not have my Time again.

      Its a shock when you Retire, but it’s a Time to be Celebrated, I can’t remember before 10am. Just enjoy it, I started Reading and Writing, finding out about me, everyone of us here, has a value, experience that we can give to the younger Generations.

      Just Chill Out, show Gratitude for your life, and love yourself, i became a better Person when I retired, but first I had to let go of the past, and realise the Great lIfe I have, which we all have, it’s hard to step away from something you have done for years, I had trouble letting go, I still miss Cab Driving, but that was then, pre Pandemic.

      Now is the Time for You, to do what ever you want (within reason!)
      enjoy it, and do things that you want.

      Reply
    • Janey_Petty 26th October 2021 at 8:17 pm

      I finished working as a hospital ward clerk on Friday as my arthritic knees were making it too painful to do my job including tasks around the hospital. I have already started getting bored and cannot walk too far before suffering with pain. I am 63 and worry about the next 2 years once my pay comes to an end. I only have a small Nhs pension. Jane

      Reply
    • Deborah Dee 31st October 2021 at 8:19 am

      Hi there, I lived in Greece for many years, came back to the UK in 2011. was unemployed for a While, up until March this year working for the same private care home, for 8 years. I resigned,” that’s another story for later.”
      What I am trying to say” I know how your feeling”. I am a volunteer in a Charity shop and a day-care for people with on-set dementia. Like you I try to stay Positive
      PS. Don’t like Beer, prefer a cocktail.

      Reply
    • Marka 31st October 2021 at 8:55 am

      Thank you to all of you who have posted to my original posting.

      I am sure reading through everyone has different opinions on retirement, health and Money plus making friends.

      I am sure we all have our regrets should have done this or that when younger.

      To be honest and I am not being flippant but life is good at the moment I have just come home from a 5 night stay in Chipping Norton with our 4 berth tourer.

      I am coming to terms with getting older which is not a great experience but agreed with the posting the 70′-80’s were good times but so can the rest of the years ahead.

      Lets all stay positive nothing wrong with looking back at good times but also looking ahead on even better times.

      I appreciate life can be hard especially with health and financial matters.

      Sometimes all of us may need help in one way or another and for any reason.

      There is nothing wrong with reaching out to friends and family in need.

      I am sure if the boot was on the other foot you would help others and some of us already do in volunteering.

      Good luck to all of you out there try to be Happy and content with what you have got.

      Your health is more important than money as you could have all the money in the world but if you do not have your health what good is it?

      Reply
    • Gogo Jojo 4th November 2021 at 12:51 am

      I was extremely worried about lack of purpose, social engagement and isolation when I not only left my professional work but moved into deep countryside this year with my husband who is 3 weeks away at a time. Early retirement.
      Waking up with purpose is a real challenge but I promised myself to say “yes” to any opportunity or offer that presented itself. Whether i intuitively wanted to or not.
      I said yes to learn cricket and now play in the local Ladies’ village team; I rekindled volunteering with a charity; I responded to an offer to take up Everyone Active gym membership; I sit in cafes and treat myself after beach walks; I haul ass across the country to visit friends and family even if my preference sometimes might be to stay home.
      Because the more we are home alone, the greater the risk we barricade ourselves in.
      Just say “yes” unconditionally for a while and see where it takes you!

      Reply
    • Barjan54 8th November 2021 at 8:42 pm

      I retired early to look after my husband whilst he was ill & did some voluntary work to get me out of the house for a few hours, whilst my son kept an eye on him. He passed away over 3 years ago so I joined the local U3A group & am in 5 or 6 different groups which gets me out meeting & making friends. I still do the voluntary work as a support worker in the shop for Sidmouth Independent Lifeboat & we have some social gatherings along with the crew as well. I also meet up with an neighbour who moved to the next village as well as seeing family who live close by, so it keeps me busy. I have also done a couple of cruises which caters for singles as well as couples & had a wonderful time. It isn’t easy but you have to make the effort to put yourself out there, but with everything I do now, it can be very busy some weeks, so it is nice to have time to myself, but I don’t regret retiring early.

      Reply
    • Lizy 8th November 2021 at 11:27 pm

      I totally understand how you feel

      Reply
    • Smileyday 9th November 2021 at 7:16 pm

      Wow, looking back 4 months ago this started and look at your last replies …look how far you have come. There is no one stopping us in life only ourself.
      I’m due to retire in 7 years ( if the age isn’t increased again by then) and really can not wait. I’m putting in place hobbies and interests now for when I have more time. My love is walking and any chance I get I’m out finding a new footpath to tread. I’m in Meetup and wish i had found it years ago , there are interests for almost everyone and we have to remember we were all new once. Don’t sit at home getting bored, if you can, go for a walk, smile at people and they will smile back, it might be the only person who they have seen that day and you may have changed there day for the better. Be the person you would like others to be …cheery , happy friendly and welcoming even if when you get home you crumble. Happiness breads happiness and we could all do with a little of that.
      Adventure before dementia…enjoy every minute.

      Reply
      • Marka 9th November 2021 at 7:25 pm

        Thank you and totally agree with what you have said.
        Keep enjoying your walks hold your head up high and smile 😃
        Life is to short to keep being pessimistic.
        Change to be optimistic and enjoy life.
        Being friendly and helpful does not cost anything.
        Think of others not just yourself.
        Life is a rollercoaster up and down but you have just got to ride it.
        Keep well and enjoy

        Reply
    • Richard Spalding 24th November 2021 at 11:24 am

      Hi Marka, I “retired “ at 57 this year, accept that I didn’t! Whilst I admire people who volunteer, thinking now of my mother, not quite having enough money to travel as much as I would like I work part time either self-employed or through an agency doing things which involve people and help improve their lives. As the object is to have a nice life helping people to have nicer lives and feel like I am still relevant and contributing I find this works for me. Some weeks I don’t work at all and some I work 30 hours or so.
      Richard

      Reply
    • Suzie G 29th November 2021 at 9:56 am

      Hiya, have you thought about volunteering in a Charity shop ? I work odd shifts at the moment but keep Fridays free to volunteer in my local Marie Curie shop. It really is great fun !! Good luck.

      Reply
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