Home Forums Loneliness sometimes the loneliness is crippling

behindmyeyes Posted 1 year ago
sometimes the loneliness is crippling
19 likes & 101 replies
    • Vixxen 8th February 2021 at 10:56 am

      Hi, this is a lovely welcoming group with lots of interesting sub groups. Im sure you will find nice people to chat to. Meet up are also doing zoom meetings and whilst its not quite the same, I have found it much nicer than I thought I would.
      All the best Vx

    • Daisyroots 8th February 2021 at 11:56 am

      I think a lot of us can relate to how awful loneliness can be.
      I’m always up for a chat so please feel comfortable with messaging me……you can moan, laugh or just chat about what the weather’s up to 😉

    • loislane 8th February 2021 at 1:58 pm

      It can be, and especially in the last year. My two sons live with me but still not the same as having someone my own age to converse with. My ex fiance has moved on very quickly with someone else, so feeling crap about life in general.
      Lots of forums on here with good people to talk to, many of whom are feeling the same. You’re not alone on here🙂

      • Susie58 11th February 2021 at 11:27 am

        Hi Lois
        Youre ex fiance is an idiot! You’ll meet someone who deserves you when it’s possible. I would love to have someone to share this lockdown with me. Anytime you want to have a rant, laugh etc let me know

        • loislane 11th February 2021 at 11:51 am

          Thanks Susie, I think he’s one of those that can’t be alone, so moves quickly to be with someone else. Getting harder to trust nowadays

        • Susie58 11th February 2021 at 12:42 pm

          Ive had a similar experience, there are still lovely guys out there its just finding him thats so difficult and Im not getting any younger but still hopeful!

        • loislane 11th February 2021 at 12:51 pm

          I know the feeling, and I know there are some great men out there who feel the same but have had similar experiences to us ladies….all so sad don’t you think?

        • Barbara 64 22nd March 2021 at 9:20 pm

          Thanks. Im getting to the pull my hair out stage of lockdown boredom and covid loneliness is the most unexpectedly difficult thing ive ever been through. Id rather be punched in the face than this utter loneliness. X

      • Deleted User 13th February 2021 at 10:16 pm

        We see your picture, we read your posts. Too easy to forget that we all have a story to tell.

      • Sandyg 1st March 2021 at 5:59 am

        my husband did that, just before Our Ruby Anniversary…

    • susan693 8th February 2021 at 10:50 pm

      Society tends to think it is the older generation that are lonely, but it can happen at any age and support is so important, here if you would like to chat 🙂

      • Colin in Kent 11th February 2021 at 1:15 pm

        That’s a really good point. I know it’s something my son (who is autistic) really struggles with, but even when lockdown isn’t on his anxieties and lack of self-confidence stop him interacting with his peers. I know we’re focused on the over-50s here, but it’s important to be empathic with that sense of isolation that can strike at any age.

        • Susie58 11th February 2021 at 2:50 pm

          I too have a 28 yr old son with autism and he struggles every day with low mood, anxiety and low self esteem. I watched a dvd of him when he was a sweet happy 3yr old it made me very sad. I try to chat with him but get one word answers, i work with special needs kids

        • Colin in Kent 11th February 2021 at 3:17 pm

          Yes, it’s very difficult. Although he dropped out of school at 11 and we had to fight for him to access any kind of education, he is very articulate, taught himself Spanish and piano, and excelled at drama when he went to a local college close to where he lives with his mum. Unfortunately the course was cancelled and he wasn’t able to find another where he felt accepted and understood, and even before lockdown became increasingly isolated. I agree, I try not to remember happier days for him, it is too painful, and also one has to accept a share of responsibility and wonder how things could have been done differently. That must be very rewarding work for you, but also very difficult at times.

        • loislane 11th February 2021 at 6:17 pm

          So sorry to hear it, mine is the same, it was the constant bullying that did it in the end.

        • loislane 11th February 2021 at 6:16 pm

          I have an adult son with Autism, he doesn’t do so well with others mostly, so this to him is welcoming

    • Yellow Socks 9th February 2021 at 8:28 am

      Hello Behindmyeyes, I get lonely, I am lucky I do work, it is when I am driving back I start thinking and then when I get back no one to greet or talk with, I get on this site and post something, anything. I love the varied replies I get. I think there are more scrollers than messengers. I also have treats when I feel lonely, sometimes a treat every hour, no just joking.
      Stay Safe
      Do What You Can While You Can

      • Bronners 11th February 2021 at 9:06 pm

        Hi I have just read your post and you sound.much like myself lol I am fine whilst at work or out then go home to an empty house not such a nice thing I have just read about a zoom supper club.in here which might be nice just need to find out how to access the group might see you on there lolx

        • Yellow Socks 11th February 2021 at 9:20 pm

          Hello Bronners it is the lack of motivation when I get back. I do cook and eat well no prepackaged meals or junk food. I just bought a slab of belly pork, 2 short ribs, 2 packets of black pudding and some bacon at my local butchers. I did my washing today. Tomorrow I will go for a walk down the disused railway line. It is very cold and windy here. I do not work again until next Monday. Not sure about the Zoom as I am not very good at techy stuff. Thanks for the reply.

        • Bronners 11th February 2021 at 9:35 pm

          Looks yummy shame about zoom I dont know how to set a meeting up but know how to answer calls that’s about all
          I had a buying dinner tonight chicken and roasted veg not so much fun cooking for one .enjoy yours and your walk down railway track in walk every day somewhere though mostly round streets at moment as everywhere either iced up or muddy
          Take care hopefully chat soon

      • Anonymous User (no longer active) 28th February 2021 at 8:39 pm

        I understand what you mean about driving – as soon as I get into the car to drive home – thats when it hits me – no one to go home to. But it feels as if I am the only one who is experiencing that, but seeing your post makes me realise that I am not. There must be so many people in the same situation as us especially the ones who lost loved ones from Covid.

    • Lizziebeth1 9th February 2021 at 7:20 pm

      I can identify with most of the posts on here, we are lonely for all sorts of reasons, for me It was when I lost my husband, but what I have come to realise is, you really have to push yourself, I have up and down days it’s a continuous battle but I just try to focus on what I’m going to do when things are back to some normality, my first venture will be going away on my own (in a organised solo group) and hopefully make new friends, as Yellow socks said this site is very good, so many different forums to check in with, whether just to look or engage in conversations it makes you realise you’re not so alone! I check in most days just to see what everyone’s talking about. and there’s nothing wrong with a treat even if it is every hour! lol

    • Golden54 9th February 2021 at 10:17 pm

      I really feel for you, I’ve been there, not seeing anyone for days on end and no way of getting out.
      I thought no one cared about me, but thankfully my friends stood up and showed that they did care. Please believe that people do care about you.
      One of the best things you can do is get out for a walk and be in nature.
      I have a gratitude list on which I write every day something that I’m grateful for. I also try and do at least one good deed a day.
      Please look after yourself and if you need any support please message me.
      I’ve been there, but I managed to get better.

      • susan693 11th February 2021 at 10:59 pm

        A gratitude list is really good, just before bed write 3 things you are grateful for that day, they dont have to be big things, mine for today are, watching the blackbirds in the garden feed, being in the snow feeling the warmth of the sun and my golden retriever laying on his back in front of the fire…saying these makes me smile 🙂

    • LeighS 9th February 2021 at 11:05 pm

      I am so glad you have found this community. There is so much to do, different groups, something for everyone. Just coming on here and reading the posts helps you feel that you are not alone, that is what I have found 🙂

      As others have said there is always someone to talk to. If you haven’t already done so you might want to check out the local groups and see which one is closest to you and you might be able to connect with someone locally as well as on the main group.

      Take care,


    • Mutti 10th February 2021 at 6:55 pm

      Hi, the loneliness is really rubbish, but you can be lonely in a crowd.
      Sounds ridiculous, sometimes I feel I’m not cut out of the same cloth !!!

      • loislane 11th February 2021 at 6:19 pm

        Yep, I agree, we are not all cut out for the crowd mentality, I prefer to be on the sidelines backing away until I can run. The worst for me is feeling lonely and alone with a partner, I’d rather be on my own.

        • Deleted User 6th March 2021 at 1:07 pm

          totally agree with everything you have said

        • loislane 6th March 2021 at 1:18 pm

          I think most people stay when they should have left a long time beforehand. The realisation just creeps up on you. Those that meet their forever first time are lucky and it’s meant to be.

        • Deleted User 6th March 2021 at 1:24 pm

          I met my forever but bereavement meant it wasn’t to be.
          I have too many friends that are unhappy but don’t do anything about it. I may be lonely but at least it’s my choice to be on my own..

          One of my friends once told me it’s better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard

        • loislane 6th March 2021 at 1:59 pm

          I’m so sorry for your loss, it isn’t fair.
          Your friend is so right, we will hold on to that thought.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 10th February 2021 at 8:56 pm

      I agree

    • Gulab 11th February 2021 at 9:34 am

      I live in Wembley. I enjoy going for walks and if there is anyone one in this area that feels lonely would be happy to meet up in a park ( social distancing of course) can have a chat and get exercise at the same time.

    • Jeanjeanie 11th February 2021 at 10:25 am

      It sure is, I need a walking aid then.

    • Susie58 11th February 2021 at 11:30 am

      Ok on a completly superficial not, how do you ladies manage to have such fab hair without hairdressers, my daughter thinks i look like Hagrid ( Harry Potter) atm!!

    • Colin in Kent 11th February 2021 at 1:23 pm

      I have to say reading these responses really humbles me. We often have no idea of the everyday struggles people go through just to try and remain positive – it’s easy to take them at face value, particularly those that seem confident and ‘full of bounce’ – and it’s important to realise that even the most confident people can hide crippling loneliness and anxieties. I really hope this place provides an outlet, and I am always happy to lend an ear to anyone that wants to chat about things or unburden themselves.

      • behindmyeyes 11th February 2021 at 3:47 pm

        thank you Colin hope you are keeping ok ?

      • loislane 11th February 2021 at 6:22 pm

        It’s hard to meet a decent man nowadays, Colin.

        • Colin in Kent 11th February 2021 at 7:21 pm

          Yes, I do appreciate that, and I think both men and women struggle particular as time passes to meet someone decent. Also, life leaves its mark and it sometimes becomes harder to retain optimism and decency oneself.

        • loislane 11th February 2021 at 7:59 pm

          It does on both sides, I find it bewildering to be honest. I attract those who are highly narcissistic, who take delight in building me up to take me down again. Alas, it’s the covert ones that are the worst and it’s takes the longest to see it, by then it’s too late. Yet others seem to meet the love of their lives, clearly perplexed, Colin 🤔

        • VFP 12th February 2021 at 5:26 pm

          Hi loislane you have been unlucky but hopefully you have read up on why empaths and narcissists form relationships. It’s awhile since I read this but from personal experience I used to be the type of person who responded to other people’s needs. I was attracted to ‘needy’ people. Narcissists aren’t needy but they are very manipulative and have a way of turning your gentle helpfulness against you, whilst you try and try to help them. I used to think I had the power to help needy souls, but somehow I finally realised my own limitations.

          You are a very attractive and genuinely nice person and I believe that if you believe in yourself, that you will find a man who is perfect for you soon.

        • loislane 12th February 2021 at 5:35 pm

          Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I totally agree with you who they are but they don’t often reveal themselves until it’s too late for me and I’ve been suckered again. I have read much on the subject, I have bought many books and I did four years of psychoanalytic training, alas the two clinical years were sabotaged without me realising it til long after. I too, was addicted to helping these needy people, oh the woe is me type. I’ve really tried to distance myself and deny my empathetic nature, it’s worked a bit. I refuse to let them win, but in a way I have. Lockdown has been great in a way, to reflect on myself and to think about what’s next.x

        • VFP 12th February 2021 at 5:51 pm

          Best of luck 🙂 x

        • loislane 12th February 2021 at 6:47 pm

          Thank you,x

        • Anonymous User (no longer active) 28th February 2021 at 8:53 pm

          One day your prince will come.

        • loislane 6th March 2021 at 1:21 pm

          I don’t think there are any princes left, all taken alas

        • Anonymous User (no longer active) 6th March 2021 at 3:55 pm

          Of course there are, you are not looking in the right place thats all.

        • loislane 6th March 2021 at 4:19 pm

          Well I checked under the bed, in the cupboards, nope he’s not there

        • Anonymous User (no longer active) 6th March 2021 at 5:07 pm

          Thats not what I mean silly billy- if you dont put yourself out there – how do you expect to meet someone. Have you tried Rest less dating website or Our Time as advertised on tv? My Grandchildren met their Fiancé’s on line – and they are really nice. Whats wrong with that? I know there might be some sleaze balls out there, but a gorgeous looking lady like you will have your pick.

        • adeliza0165 25th March 2021 at 4:57 am

          Similar here & yes -there are the ones who meet the right ones – the love of their lives – usually first time aswell! It’s pot luck. But it’s also peoples level of tolerance – one person might put up with and live with a drinker or a chauvinistic type and all seems hunky dory… But another person will walk…

      • adeliza0165 24th March 2021 at 12:54 am

        Yes “full of bounce” – people do hide it – I see it at work – patients say they’re ok but they’re not so you have to extract it out if them and you help as much as you can…but yet you can’t always help yourself – but you have to help them 😐

    • Bronners 11th February 2021 at 9:12 pm

      Hi I have just been reading all the posts over the last couple of days I thought the post from Gulab was a good idea saying that he lived in Wembley and would be happy to walk with people in his area
      I wonder if any one on this site lives near me for a socially distance walk in Wickford essex

    • Amazing sea 11th February 2021 at 10:06 pm

      I just recently joined Restless and find the whole experience very interesting, Reading through some of these posts has touched many things for me, I am lonely with my partner as we are different in many ways too, it’s hard as I’ve never lived with him before we moved to sussex about a year ago and finding it all very difficult.
      My. Son also lives with us, he is slightly autistic too, lacks so much confidence, I constantly worry for him, he’s just started a new job but I get a feeling they will take advantage of him as he’s so quiet. Time will tell. Be great to chat to people and get to know new people. Live in Seaford.

      • loislane 11th February 2021 at 10:14 pm

        Aw bless him, so hard for them. My son did voluntary work in the library, had a support worker which has stopped obviously, don’t think he will get a job in many respects, but librarian work would suit him the best

      • loislane 11th February 2021 at 10:14 pm

        Where is seaford?

    • Amazing sea 12th February 2021 at 10:50 am


    • siandeve15 12th February 2021 at 6:50 pm

      Many years ago I was rock bottom as my life had spiraled out of control (long story)
      All I did all day was watch tv & little else.
      Until one day I just said to myself enough is enough.
      This is ridiculous & has to stop & now.
      Yes, it’s hard to pick up the pieces but who said it was going to be easy?
      Personally, I’m not a good sitter at least not for very long.
      I went back to work & started baking stuff.
      It helped as I worked in a family-owned restaurant.
      I discovered the more baking I did the more people liked it.
      Which in turn spurred me on to do more.
      My fruit Scones & Apple Pies became a sort after, must-have who’d have thought?
      Baking is like anything else the more you practice the better you become.
      I discovered to my amazement there are benefits to it I could not have imagined.
      You’ll soon notice it’s very therapeutic & satisfying to produce something to eat that didn’t exist before you put it together especially when it’s for family & friends which has a knock-on effect as they will all love your bread & cakes as you will detect it will egg you on to make more so it’s almost self-motivating in a positive way.
      It’s also an important life skill that can save you from self-imploding & give you a sense of worth, achievement & satisfaction.
      Baking is a very relaxing & rewarding hobby to the point of everybody can enjoy the fruits of your labor & enjoy eating what you have produced.
      Because you have to concentrate on measuring your ingredients out, you have to follow a set procedure & think exactly what you are doing & how you are doing it.
      If you just give it a chance you might find you enjoy doing it.
      let’s face it what have you got to lose?
      We’ve all got oodles of time on our hands right now so even if you have never boiled an egg before no matter what.
      I am here for you no matter what you’ve done or forgot to do.
      No matter what or how you earned a living forget all that because only NOW MATTERS.
      I can assure you being 67 I’ve learned a few things by now, although still a job in progress.
      No, I can’t rub it better & no I don’t have a magic wand.
      But what I do have is infinite patience & understanding no matter what your story is.
      If I was to tell you my life story your chin would be on the floor.
      Mostly good but with some naff stuff.
      Plan A. look at Food & Drink on here & look at “I love to bake”.
      It has proved very popular in many ways.
      I’ve put on a brilliant recipe for all butter Shortbread which for everybody to enjoy.
      It’s my way of putting something back which in time when this is all over perhaps
      YOU COULD PUT SOMETHING BACK? Who knows where this may lead?
      Hey!! What have you got to lose?
      If you get stuck I am here for you, whatever.
      The number one tip you need to learn from the off is.
      Before you start anything turn your OVEN ON ASAP.
      Ps. I especially admire Nadiya Hussain of Bake-Off Fame.
      I love her enthusiasm.
      But all the celebrity chefs & bakers are all worth a look at.
      I also find great inspiration from Jamie Oliver.
      The cheapest place to buy any celeb books etc is from any charity shop when they re-open again but you can also surf the net for free.
      Good luck & let me know how you get on.
      I’m very keen to know.
      PPS. It’s important to care about each other.

    • TrishM 12th February 2021 at 9:02 pm

      Sending lots of love 💕

    • Amazing sea 13th February 2021 at 9:08 am

      Thankyou TrishM

    • siandeve15 13th February 2021 at 6:15 pm

      We are all human.
      We all have feelings & emotions sometimes not easily explained.
      But let’s all try & be there for each other no matter what?
      Is it still a long way to the new normal whatever that is?
      Please advise asap?

    • Dollycon 15th February 2021 at 9:25 pm

      This lockdown is difficult but this ere tinternet is wonderful. Lots of folk out there who you can follow, laugh with and support. It’s not the same as sharing a house with someone but it’s a big help. Stay 💪

    • Susie58 16th February 2021 at 9:51 am

      Ive also found that having more time and the internet can be a great way if contacting people you havent seen for years. Ive been in touch with 2 exes one in Rome and one in Athens shared some good memories. I empathise with you Loislane about meeting narcissist men I was used by one twice didnt learn my lesson first time!! Very good looking and charming, hes been in touch recently under the guise of dialling the wrong no. each time I find it easier to back away this is all over 8 years, online dating is generally awful, hoping to meet someone doing an activity or a meetup group when we all can. Hopefully a group can be organised for meetups, activites in the meantime its reassuring to hear that others are feeling the same and no matter what we are not totally isolated. Stay safe everyone

      • loislane 6th March 2021 at 1:30 pm

        Hi Susie, it’s certainly a life learning experience, ooh has he now? They always turn back up when they want something from you. Block him Susie, best no contact, that’s the best way to go, not a word.
        I came off the dating sites, I’d had enough of them, and doesn’t mean if they look great in words, doesn’t mean they are.
        True, this is a great community to get to talk with people all across our wonderful UK, truly inspiring.
        Hope you’re ok, only read your post today, sorry.x

        • Susie58 22nd March 2021 at 5:45 pm

          Hi Lois
          Thanks for your sensible words. It’s hard sometimes to act logically when you’re feeling lonely but I know Im worth more! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply but I’m back at work full time and I find it quite hard to navigate around this site. Hope life is ok with you x

    • Deleted User 18th February 2021 at 10:42 pm

      Hi i am new on here and i feel very lonley to how are you keeping hope to here from you soon take care steve x

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 28th February 2021 at 7:35 pm

      Yes I agree, I have recently lost my husband and am fine when I have people around me, but when they go…….whew its hard. The lockdown doesnt help either but things will get better though when we will be allowed to emerge from our cocoon.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 28th February 2021 at 7:42 pm

      Look at all the answers you have – everyone loves you -you are not alone – we are not alone. A big hug to you.

    • Goose 7th March 2021 at 9:07 pm

      It is isn;t it, sometimes can;t move, get up walk about and sit down again – it;s oaky for a while alone, but over a year it’s very tough

    • E-man 11th March 2021 at 3:35 pm

      Well, at least b-m-e you had 86 replies so you should not be so lonely . tell people on this site where you are and what you do when you’re not dog-walking .

    • Deleted User 12th March 2021 at 8:05 am

      Throw some cloths on get out for a walk and say hello to as many people as you can 😊😊

    • Deleted User 12th March 2021 at 8:31 am

      Hi behindmyeyes
      I too suffer from loneliness.
      I have found mindfulness helps me alot. It changes the way you look at things and gives lots of positives to focus on. There are some great books out there too if you read..🙂 k