Home Forums Bereavement Sad and lost.

Blackcat2 Posted 3 months ago
Sad and lost.

My lovely partner passed away from cancer in June 2020. He was 49 years old. We had been together for twelve and half wonderful years. I miss him with every breath I take. He was my life and my love. So nearly 17 month on and my feelings are still quite hopeless about the future. I do have the odd good days or sometimes even a week then the fog comes down again and I feel so stuck. Will it ever get better? Thanks for reading.

9 replies
    • Scaredofspiders 24th October 2021 at 1:39 pm

      I so understand how you feel and I hope the good days start to outnumber the bad in the future. I lost the love of my life suddenly in May and it’s been awful. We had been married for less than 2 years and I miss him every day. I sincerely hope it does get better, sending lots of love

      • Blackcat2 24th October 2021 at 3:35 pm

        Hi there,

        It is so very hard isn’t it? Who thought we would end up living this life? It’s all those secondary losses too that add onto your grief I find. I hope for you too that the good days start to outweigh the bad and life becomes bit more hopeful. I think it’s realising that happiness can live alongside sadness. I’m trying hard to work on this but it’s not easy. Take care and sending a big hug. X

        • Scaredofspiders 24th October 2021 at 3:47 pm

          Thank you, I hope so too! I’m just taking every day as it comes, which is really hard for me as I like to plan the hell out of everything 🙂. I’m told that we will find a new sort of normal eventually, very much looking forward to that day

    • Blackcat2 24th October 2021 at 3:57 pm

      Me too whenever that will be. It does totally throw your life up in the air and shatter it into a million pieces so yes planning goes right out the window…a day at a time is the best way. I hope your doing some nice things and looking after yourself in this crazy life of grief.

    • Buttercup19 26th October 2021 at 8:43 am

      I lost my husband in September 2020 and we had been married for 44 years, he was a fit and healthy man and was diagnosed with cancer in April and I lost him 16 weeks later, everything is so hard.
      If you use Facebook any of you ladies may find this small but supportive group helpful, the ladies in it are very supportive and friendly.

    • moonlady 26th October 2021 at 11:41 am

      I don’t have a positive answer, but just wanted to reply anyway. I lost my husband of 39 years in September 2020. Over a year ago, and the reality of my situation is only now really sinking in. I am too old (66) to ever consider living with another man. If I only have twenty years left, I don’t want to spend them making compromises for the sake of companionship. So I must learn to craft a new way of life for myself, taking pleasure in small things, making modest plans for a few days away here and there. I am happy in my own company, so quite able to fill the days reading, sorting through stuff (I have a lot of stuff!) and visiting online forums like this one where I can blabber away to my heart’s content. I make good use of my free travel pass to explore my local area. I plan to get a small dog once I have a home of my own (currently renting, so no pets allowed). I feel you are considerably younger than me, so maybe more open to the possibility of another relationship? Be very choosy, that’s my advice! I do hope your feelings of hopelessness improve. Life is never hopeless, every day is a joy in some small way.

    • Blackcat2 26th October 2021 at 12:33 pm

      Thank you for your replies ladies. Life is hard when you lose part of yourself. I know John wanted me to be OK so I am trying to honour that for him but it’s not easy. I think just connecting with other people who totally get it makes a difference for me. I don’t have to put a face on and pretend that I’m ok when I’m not. I don’t know what my future will look like but I’m hopeful that there is some light at the end of this dark tunnel of grief.
      Thanks again and take care. X

    • Phil59 27th October 2021 at 9:37 pm

      I saw my sister-in-law recently who had been married to my older brother for 30 years and he left her widowed this year as a result of COVID. She has recently moved home to be nearer her mum and children but she said she can’t settle as the love of her life has gone. So sad to see her & you and others who are left in limbo , I wish you all the very best and hope that they will remember the good times with him much more often than you feel the loneliness of his not being with you. Take care Blackcat

    • Fool on the hill 27th October 2021 at 11:30 pm

      Thoughts with you. Lost my better half of thirty years a few months ago, and things are getting tougher, if anything, as the reality sinks in. No idea about where I go from here, other than forward, as the other parts of my life demand it. I’m sure that things will get better in time, no matter how bad they can seem right now. Hope you can find better days ahead.