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Deleted User Posted 7 months ago
Ready to give up trying

I recently joined a few online dating sites. I have been quite happily single for 7years but have liked the idea of a relationship again in the last year. I have concluded that dating sites are probably not going to bring me the happy ever after I had hoped. Not even one single date has been arranged, no coffees etc. I have found that the men that have approached me for chat really don’t wNt an actual relationship, they just want some sexual flirty banter type conversations.

What now?

6 likes & 37 replies
    • Mad Ralph 20th October 2021 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Jen I was reading another post about dating sites and the consensus seemed to be to get out there in the real world. Join local clubs, go to local events or volunteer for things. There are some who have found good partners on the dating sites tho.

    • Rowan 20th October 2021 at 11:59 pm

      I would have agreed with you Jennifer but there are hidden gems out there…yes I know what you mean re the conversations from some !!! , people with no emotional intelligence , nothing in common etc but I am personally blown away with my relationship that I found on line …..strange thing is we actually just conversed as friends for well over a week, about our lives and stuff going on and initially I had no intention of meeting which he knew from the outset as I had arranged to meet another chap for coffee but I just loved his profile which I wished him well with 🤣…..over time thankfully I realised it was this man I should be meeting face to face .
      So all I would say brush it off and onwards and upwards and you never know .
      Didn’t like site here as the green button I found intrusive and got unwanted conversations but actually that was were gold was struck ….the other site was bumble and there the lady sends first message …just a thought .
      Good luck

      • Junebug 21st October 2021 at 9:27 am

        Personally, I have looked at these so called “free dating” sites, but that is just nonsense. Giving your name and address is free, but to actually speak to anyone, you need to start the process of setting up direct debits etc. and that is just not something I want to do. It can be a nightmare cancelling these things! Also, I don’t like these messages “so and so is winking at you etc”. What does that mean lol!!

        I just want to meet someone nice, who wants to go walking, go to the pub for a drink and bite to eat, maybe go to the theatre or a show etc.

        So far, I am having zero luck! Even on here, I am not really get much communication but maybe that is also where I live.

        • Bryony 21st October 2021 at 9:45 am

          Totally agree but the more you go out the more chance of meeting someone ( says she) join clubs and hobby places. There are a lot of people out there but I think you have to be strong to join dating sites anyway but there could be a hidden gem. I wish you luck anyway as I must do the same!!

        • Deleted User 21st October 2021 at 10:25 am

          Yes, I am not going to subscribe to a site for a year either. I am even further north than you too. I still get messages from men that live in Norfolk and Surrey etc. How are we going to meet up for a date when they live 500 miles away?

        • Rowan 21st October 2021 at 9:15 pm

          Ironic really I was getting messages from Scotland and live in the Midlands ….maybe we need a swopping service….in lockdown I ventured into this minefield and lasted 7 days total and yes some messages were awful so I scarpered …but this time thought head down let’s see what happens….years ago I was given advice actually when I was 21 that no one comes knocking on your door and these words came back to me…hopefully and yes I believe it has paid off….so guess if relationship we want in this day and age maybe we have to go through the pain and frustration…good luck

      • Chrisdmids 24th October 2021 at 10:43 am

        I’m worried you met someone after only talking to them for a week Rowan? Could have been a serial dater or married or worse!

    • Wunderwoman 21st October 2021 at 9:42 am

      Dating sites seem so brutal to me, so intantly judgemental. So much better to get to know someone organically and see where it leads.

    • Osiris 21st October 2021 at 10:51 am

      I’m gay but it’s exactly the same with in line dating. One has to accept that people are there for a variety of reasons.
      I would recommend joining meetup and going to some local groups. No need to be shy…everyone at your chosen event will be there to meet new people. You may not find love, but at least you will have some company doing the things you love

    • goldfish63 21st October 2021 at 10:53 am

      Do not be despondent as not all guys want what you described, some still like romance, sharing, love and equality, do not put pressure on yourself, you might have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your Prince 🙂 not sure about dating sites but think you need lots of time to get to know someone and if they wont give you time and are pushy then maybe not the person for you, good luck 🙂

    • Deleted User 21st October 2021 at 10:58 am

      I feel your pain
      Me too !
      I just plod on regardless, I’m on Bumble only. 3 out of 5 just want attention without an intention to meet, the rest state on their profiles want a relationship etc but then put no effort on when you start communicating
      Meeting the normal way – impossible unless I play golf, ski or cycle up mountains 🤣🤣🤣

    • Bobby65 21st October 2021 at 11:22 am

      I found my partner on Eharmony. We were very happy for 7 years. Sadly Jon was killed In a car accident 2 years ago. Dont give up try something else or another site. Hope your man is out there for you.

    • Peggy lee 21st October 2021 at 11:38 am

      Hi yes I know feeling that all men seem to what on on line dateing

    • Gypsy Rose 21st October 2021 at 12:06 pm

      Hi Jennifer please don’t give up there is always someone there for you 😊 you just haven’t meet him yet. As for the other inappropriate creeps that just want to sex text delete, delete delete good luck🍀 on finding a nice person, cos they do exist 😊👍

    • Keith D 21st October 2021 at 12:09 pm

      Hi Jen
      I have used several dating sites and rarely even get messages in reply to mine or other attempts.
      So i have after over 20 years just given up and come to realise that the rest of my life i will be lonely and on my own. And let fate and the angels decide my fate?
      Best wishes .Keith x

    • Josie123 21st October 2021 at 12:25 pm

      Hi Jen,

      I know exactly what you mean. Over the years I have tried several online dating sites, both paid and unpaid. Strangely, the paid versions were the worst for messages that were inappropriate and several of the men on them were already married and looking for something extra that they weren’t receiving in their marriages (I wonder why!)

      I gave up. I’d love to meet someone genuine and create a relationship that starts from friendship but, short of joining a male-oriented club such as cycling (Me? On a bike? The last time I did that I went over the handlebars and ended up in hospital…), or rock climbing or some club of that ilk, it seems any way of meeting someone naturally isn’t going to happen.


    • loislane 21st October 2021 at 2:45 pm

      I feel when all these extreme hobbies are put on profiles, it’s to impress and not in a good way.
      We can keep kissing frogs but time is not on our side now to put it bluntly. I haven’t got time to waste nor have others.

    • Dave the poet 1970 21st October 2021 at 3:44 pm

      I’ve had issues on dating sites too I think that most people on the sites don’t really want serious relationships these days and I rarely bother going on them now knowing I’ll probably never find someone that wants the same as me

    • Shell69 21st October 2021 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Jen, I have had the same experience as you with dating sites. They do work for some people. I just prefer to meet someone naturally, the old fashioned way I suppose. I want to chat face to face not online ! There are good ones out there – it’s just finding them that’s the issue ! 🤣

    • Paul_ 22nd October 2021 at 3:00 am

      I think dating has gone full circle. Years ago, people met for coffee, etc, then came along dating sites & then apps.

      I think the problem with the latter is the lines have been blurred between genuine dating sites for people looking for a relationship, & the hook-up sites, like Tinder, SnapChat, etc. These days, a lot of people can’t tell the difference…

      The above & the number of fake profiles entered by staff ‘to drum up business’ & by members of the public ‘for a laugh’ mean that meeting in person is becoming more popular again.

      • SteveInWales 22nd October 2021 at 10:32 am

        I think Tinder, PoF etc may be a “hook up site” for young people, but that certainly hasn’t been my experience for the, erm, more mature person, shall we say. And I have come across “fake” profiles on the paid dating sites also. You just need to have your wits about you and don’t take people at face value, you need to get to know them and weed out the fake from the real.

    • Lorraine1 22nd October 2021 at 9:43 am

      I haven’t used dating sites, so can’t comment about those, but don’t give up – you never know what may happen unexpectedly…

    • SteveInWales 22nd October 2021 at 10:27 am

      As Rowan replied above, I was on Bumble but wasn’t getting anywhere with that. I would get a match but then the lady wouldn’t send a message within the 24 hours required. So I joined the Rest Less dating site. I don’t think there is much difference between this site and others, (they’re all pretty much the same), but like Rowan, (who has now become a friend of mine after chatting to her on here :o), I found a gem of a lady who only lives a 10 minute drive from me and we are now planning things to do and events to attend in the coming months, (Wales v Fiji in the rugby autumn internationals :o). A couple I know met on Match.com and have now been together for about 3 years and have just bought a house together, so there is hope, but you also need patience and discard the wheat from the chaff. And as others have said, get out there, meet real people for coffee etc and that gem of a guy will come along.

    • Rowan 22nd October 2021 at 3:23 pm

      I know takes a lot of luck but don’t laugh I was told to write a list of what I want from a relationship, apparently you visualise believe and somehow magically that person comes into your life….well on that one I guess time tells the reality of situation but yes the list been ticked and so many more similarities…but although dating site I think fact we spoke as friends initially and found lots of commonality was key.
      I have been married previously and never ever ever will I be treated or mistreated …..and probably for very first time there is someone else special in my life….MYSELF…..
      Thing I have discussed with my friends is our upbringing and people maybe of our age not questioning just accepting well we don’t have to accept anything.
      Yes Steve and I got talking via this site ….the running was the link
      Maybe us on here who have been on dating sites…. for the majority it is because we have been divorced…to go through that process shows more strength than remaining where you are so we can if we choice have strength to do some sorting ….and I know that for some it is because soul mates have been taken too soon which also must take tremendous strength…..
      Also guess I should say a lady has helped me in my journey to brush myself down and get back on that proverbial horse !
      So guess what I’m saying believe, keep going and let’s see what the rich tapestry of life throws at us and hopefully we can be positive statistics.x

    • Brianx 22nd October 2021 at 4:48 pm

      Friends for coffee Headcorn

    • Cullbaggie 22nd October 2021 at 5:12 pm

      I met my lady through match, i was ready to give up as all the ladies that were interesting, had a few problems and i think were not ready for any type of relationship and still living in their previous relationships.

      i would recommend to any lady is first grieve your previous relationships and then look to date!
      so i advise dont give up

      i also joined my local meetup group to socialise with people which took the need and pressure off of any possible dates as i had another focus as well.

      i have been dating my lady for 4 months now – we live 50 miles apart and that distance is keeping the pair of us fresh as we dont live in each other pockets!

    • Chrisdmids 24th October 2021 at 11:11 am

      Dating is a nightmare! Been divorced 7 years now and only met one woman who I was compatable with in all that time. Either get woman who just want to talk forever but never meet or people who should be single or women who say they want a relationship but really only want sex or someone to pay there rent. I’ve met someone on here who I chat with daily and she is basically everything I could ever dream of and she is such a lovely woman but she’s married and has settled and has a good life apart from he’s isn’t right for her! Hard knowing we would be amazing together but will never even meet!
      Mens profiles sound like they are the same! Want a relationship, go walking and for pub lunch, when all they want is a bunk up! Hate the lies! If that’s all you want, go to a meat Market night club where you don’t even have to chat!
      Watch dating is fu##ed Nicole Arbour on YouTube, funny as hell but accurate.
      Just can’t find anyone emotionally mature and aslo fun!
      Must be easier for women to get dates! Hope you get through the quagmire!! Good luck!

    • Keith D 25th October 2021 at 12:08 pm

      Hi Jenny i tried dating sites fir many years and although, i met a few ladies, nothing actually came to fruition . so i gave up as i have on having a relationship . so now all i am new friends, who may in time become companions
      there can be several problems when trying to start anew friendship or relationship, such as not having much in common, because the conversations can soon dry up
      another thing is that you dont really know the person until you eventually meet up and spend some time together on neutral grounds

      people can hide behind dating sites and even put on fake photos, or even use their friends and family members lol

      my advice is simply listen to your gut feelings and try to take your time . i hope that people find what they are looking for ,because another big problem with meeting up is distances between you
      i recently had a woman who lives in London wanted us to meet in Liecestershire for a few days, and if we clicked, become long distance partners, which to me did not ring true, as she kept saying that we couldnt meet at her sons house in Norfolk or her place in London, then kept changing her mind, which made me think it was a waste of both our time

      the biggest problem to me was that she had only been widowed 5 months and believed she was ready for a serious relationship. she kept telling me, that i was wrong saying that she wasnt ready, as i have a lot of experience of dating and being alone, which is very true!!!!!!!

    • Brighton Belle 25th October 2021 at 12:16 pm

      I’ve met men off dating sites for coffee been very nice +genuine but no spark-well not on my side anyway …

    • Solstice 25th October 2021 at 10:59 pm

      I think its a real shame that your experience has gone totally opposite to where I am.

      I joined Rest Less, and clicked onto the dating site as well. Now, get this. All based on science and maths and “compatibility”? The one lady I scored lowest on in their estimation of compatible, is the lady that I am now seeing.

      We chat for hours every day online, on the phone, we have met a couple of times, and we are going out to party this weekend. She is staying, at my arrangement, in a local hotel, not at my apartment.

      We have indeed talked about “sleeping arrangements” etc., if you catch my drift, but neither of us want to rush into anything. We are very happy just going along with whatever happens. Because I consider myself a gentleman, and I even more so respect her as a lady.

      I will give in that a lot of dating sites are cattle markets, but can you find a “true” relationship? Well. We have.