The boy stood on the burning deck…silly bastard..

On a hill
There wuz a coo
It walkt awa’
It’s no there noo.

(William McGonagall)

Yes I find sharing poems and light hearted things makes me feel lighthearted and happier.

My poetry is mostly serious – on green issues and looking after our earth rather better than we do now. Sorry. You may have this though if you like, It speaks of finding joy in small things whatever the circumstances
I saw a Jay
Today

The brightest of the crows
In gayest garb.
Hopping amongst
The bleak, bare branches,
Gobbling the last few berries

Across the silent vale,
Where cold frost clung
To twigs and grass,
A white rump flashing
Marking his every movement

Continuous cold held sway;
The forest floor,
Frozen and hard,
Seemingly lifeless
In the harsh grip of winter.

No sparkling sunbeams split
The sombre skies.
The winter chill,
Veiling the valley,
Brought me no cheering comfort

But then today
I saw a Jay

Hi Steve I also like writing light hearted and funny poetry and would love to read some of yours and share with you some of mine

Ok I have a few that should make your belly rolling.

That’s the same valentine card you got me last year, “that’s because my feelings for you haven’t changed” 🤣😂

My boss asked me to start the presentation with the joke , so I put my payslip on the first slide.🤣😂
Do you ever look at your body and regret , all the junk food you’ve eaten then, proceed to comfort yourself by eating more junk food 🤣😂

If you work from home you might go multiple days without speaking to another human being but they are the downsides too 🤣😂

When a hostess at a restaurant says “table for two”. I like to act surprised and “say you can see him too” 🤣😂

Yes I love comedy in poetry… And I try to add that to mine … I always loved Pam ayres … So she is great inspiration!!!

I have previously posted on this site, without a single acknowledgement. So have now deleted my posts.

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realised I had a desperate need to pass gas. The music was really, Really loud, So I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I’ve finished my coffee, and noticed that everyone was staring at me…… then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod 🤣😂🤣😂

Only time I really enjoy games on my phone is when someone is waiting for my parking space 🤣😂

Never go to bed angrily stay up and lock your revenge 🤣😂

I’m never lonely because I have four men in my life….
I get up with Charlie Horse.
I spend the day with Arthur Itis.
I’ve done with Will Power.
And I go to bed with Ben Gay 🤣😂

I’m having a threesome today
Frankie Benny and Jerry

(Ice cream )🤣😂

Good morning Monday morning
My first job was at an orange juice factory. Sadly, I got canned….
I couldn’t concentrate 🤣😂

Why did the tomato star blushing ?
because it’s saw the salad dressing 🤣😂

All time funny favourite ” Let me die a youngmans death ” by Roger McGough

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time…
And a well-known art critic is in attendance.
The critic Says to the young artist, “would you like my opinion on your work?”
“Yes, says the artist.
“It’s worthless,” says the critic
The artist replies, “ I know but tell me anyway”. 🤣😂🤣😂

Quack Quack Quack Quack
Sometimes I’d like to tell my wife to just SHUT THE DUCK UP! 🤣😂

A man takes his dog 🐕 out for a walk
Dog does his pop
Man picks it up
Dog wondering 🤨
There he goes again , what on earth does he do with it all? 😂😂

Here we go a meed week special All by Shakespeare ( But Anyone Know From Which Plays their are) Good luck

Thou sodden- witted Lord! Thou hasty no more brain than I have in mine elbows.
2: I do bite my thumb, sir.
3: Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.
4: Go, prick thy face and over-red thy fear,/ Thou lily-livered boy.
5: I do desire we may be better stranges.
6: There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
7: Thou whoreson zed thou unnecessary letter!
8: You are not worth another word else I’d call you knave.
9: You Banbury cheese.
10: I am sick when I do look on thee.

Good Luck Everyone I’ll Post Answers tomorrow about 6:pm ✅

Another giggle for you all

The Adult shop

I told the assistant about the bedroom antics

How we were more about snoring and less about romantic

And she offered to make up a pack

The top sellers to bring the life back

The first was the master vibrator

Well I wasn’t sure where it would fit

So I told her we’d leave that one

Till wed got things going a bit

Then she showed me 3 little tubes

Scented, sensuality creams and lubes

Well I just thought it would be a bit messy

make things a bit more slippery than sexy

I told her it might stain me sheets

Leave that one for next week

She brought out a book with short stories

Said each one was erotic and spicy

But at nearly £8 each

I thought they were a bit pricey

Then she got me a peep hole bra

But there was nothing bigger than extra large

So I had an idea

I left the shop

I’ve cut some holes in the bra I’ve got

And really at our age that’s enough for Jack

I don’t want to give him a heart attack.

🤣😂🤣😂

This is the last of 32 verses by Victoria Woods ” lets do it “
Not bleakly,
Not meekly.
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly.
Let’s do it!
Let’s do it tonight!.

Here’s a couple 😂

I thought you wanted OUR funny poems – not Spike Milligan’s So here is one of mine for a smile

I Do

I do love the dainty lass who lives across the way
She has a cheerful, chubby face, her name is Daisy May

I do love a bit of cheese a-melting on me toast
My Daisy uses Wensleydale that what I like the most.

I do love her apple pie with lots of clotted cream
She makes it with sultanas in, it really tastes a dream

I do love some crackling with a juicy Sunday roast
But my Daisy’s goose with trimmings is what I love the most

I do love a-holding hands with lovely Daisy May
And when I popped the question she agreed to name the day

She’s an angel in the kitchen, you should taste her rabbit stew
And I just can’t wait until the day she sweetly says “I do”

Lancelot and Guinevere

Hope you enjoy this.

Algernon Ponsonby Battersley Plim
Was awfully jolly – but just a bit dim.

As an infant in arms he would chuckle and coo,
Though his other end often made people say “phew.”

His face was a picture of childish delight
As he failed to push shapes through the holes which were right.

His sweet smile as a toddler attracted acclaim;
But he did not appear to recall his own name.

At school he was popular – “jolly old Plim,”
Though the three “R”s it seems were a mystery to him.

They all liked young Algie and found him such fun;
Yet at cricket he always forgot he should run.

On social occasions his manners were good;
His intelligence, sadly, was rather like wood.

Though he found conversation a bit of a chore,
Since he made people happy they came back for more.

His Pa was concerned that he never would find
A suitable wife of the upper class kind.

Still he found a young filly he wanted to please,
So he sent her some flowers – but they just made her sneeze.

At the annual hunt ball he was keen to impress
As he whirled her around – and then trod on her dress.

They went for a picnic, the weather was fine;
But he couldn’t work out how to open the wine.

Still this lovely young filly did not seem to mind,
She told all her fwends he was “fwightfully kind.”

They were married at last, the wedding was grand –
Though he did put the ring on the girlie’s wrong hand.

He’d booked for a honeymoon full of romance;
In a far away place, ‘neath the moon they would dance.

But his cheque sort of bounced; and they had to make do
With a room at his Aunt’s and a trip to the zoo.

Ecstatically happy he lived out his life;
And his children adored him and so did his wife.

I must end my tale here and I hope you will note
There’s a moral within this short tale wot I wrote

For it all goes to show that the world will not mind
If you’re just a bit dim – – if you’re cheerful and kind.

Oh goodness, this is absolutely fantastic. Love love love it 😂😂😂😂😂

Great poem. Made me smile.