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Deleted User Posted 1 year ago
My husband just died he was 58 I am 52 we where together for 35 years and I just can’t believe hes not here, I’m lonely even though people are everywhere, I’m lost
8 likes & 35 replies
    • Countrylover101 23rd February 2021 at 8:56 am

      Hello Karen,

      Losing your life partner is the biggest loss we experience in life because suddenly that special person we care about is not there to share things with. Even seeing friends and other family members can’t ease the pain.
      Mine died just over a year ago and I am gradually beginning to accept life without him. He would not want me to be sad for too long and yours won’t either. Being locked down alone has been very lonely. I am hoping to do some travelling when we are able and am considering getting a dog for company. I hope you have some family members nearby for support. Just take one day at a time.
      Keep your chin up.


    • TigerShaun 23rd February 2021 at 9:11 am

      Karen, I can understand fully your post. My wife died about 5 weeks ago after 37 years of marriage. I was kept busy for the first couple of weeks sorting things and making funeral arrangements. The last week or so has been really hard as everything starts to hit home. I’ve had a bereavement service called Cruse recommended to me, so I’m going to sign up to some sessions with them. I think Marie Curie also offer this, so maybe these can be helpful to us.

      • Joy Sackett Wood 2nd March 2021 at 6:55 pm

        Good advice, I am a private counsellor and I know these are great support groups. Hope there isn’t too long a waiting list that’s the only issue with charities support.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 23rd February 2021 at 9:41 am

      Hi Karen

      I am so sorry for your loss and know exactly how you’re feeling as I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 5 years ago. He was only 52.

      I think it’s especially hard at the moment because friends and family can’t be with you for that much needed hug and reassurance.

      Of course you will always love him and think of him. He’ll always be with you in spirit but you will learn to live without him. I often go through photos and where I once cried I can now smile and remember the happy times.

      When we are released from this awful lockdown live your life to its fullest and enjoy the happy memories you and he shared. Someone once said to me that the 5 stages of grief were a wonderful thing to experience. I thought he was mad at the time but now looking back I realise he was right.

      Take as long as you need. Cry, laugh and talk about him. Talk to him. Don’t feel guilty for any of your feelings as they are all perfectly normal.

      Sending you a huge hug and here if you need to chat 🤗 xx

      • Joy Sackett Wood 2nd March 2021 at 7:00 pm

        This is great advice too, when my son died 2 years ago I made a memory book which was really positive and therapeutic, it captured the love and happy times we shared together. I look at it and it cheers me up whenever I feel a bit sad.

    • pollardc60 23rd February 2021 at 9:51 am

      So sorry for your loss …I lost my husband June 2019. It was my 2nd marriage, met in Canada after moving there with the 1st hubby July 2005.
      Moved back to UK July 2020, living with my Dad right now. Challenging and I am lonely, it’s so strange.
      One day at a time, try not to be hard on yourself 😊 x

    • Deleted User 23rd February 2021 at 9:54 am

      Lost my soul mate 2nd January, totally unexpected. Still talk to him as if he is still here. There is no rule for grieving. Hope you get through each day, I always feel I have achieved something by getting to the end of each day. Xx

    • Annie Smythe 23rd February 2021 at 11:47 am

      Others have put into words many of my own feelings about bereavement. It’s one year since my mum died and I am still struggling as it was such a shock. I never thought I’d have such a range of emotions to go through, everyone is different but it’s been a real rollercoaster. On Friday I hand over the keys of her house to new owners. Should be happy and everyone is relieved for me and what happens? I’m not happy I’m torn with all sorts of strong emotions, so the road has many twists that we need to let happen. Today I feel so good and positive- last Sunday I felt black. Here we go again. But I will get there I just didn’t truly understand how slow this journey is. Hang in there and fill your days with good things for yourself.

      • yvonne.lyons 8th March 2021 at 3:29 pm

        Hi Annie,

        I lost my mum 4th April last year. I miss her so much.
        She had dementia for 10 years previous to her dying, which caused her to eventually not recognise her family. I was the closest to her so I think that I find it the hardest. Like you say, there’s such a range of emotions that you go through and sometimes are not what you think they will be.

        I feel a lot of guilt because I used to get frustrated with the person she became with the Alzheimer’s disease but most of the memories I keep are those of when she was well and we spent lots of good times together.

        Go with the flow, knowing that hopefully, the painful days will become more of the brighter days,

        Take care

    • moonlady 23rd February 2021 at 12:26 pm

      First of all, sorry for your loss. It is very new, so you are still in shock and disbelief. My husband died in September last year and I can honestly say it has taken me 6 months just to process what has happened, and to accept that he has gone and I will never seem him smile again. As others have said, you have your memories from the years you had together. Treasure them all. Surround yourself with photos of him and talk about him all the time to friends and family. Don’t rush to make huge changes. Take your time to think through what you want your new life to be like. Above all, look after your health and wellbeing. Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. Try to find something relaxing to do at least once a day.

    • Gw 23rd February 2021 at 1:57 pm

      Hi. My husband died in 2010. He was 54. We had been together 35 years and had two sons. You do eventually learn to accept you aren’t going to see the love of your life again, but I still miss him and I’m lonely. The impact on my sons wasn’t really what I was expecting and I have struggled to manage the issues on my own. It helps to talk, that’s what these forums are for. You can talk to others who have experienced similar bereavement and know they will understand how you feel.

    • Buttercup19 23rd February 2021 at 4:02 pm

      Hello Karen, So sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my husband 5 months ago and totally agree with comments made buy others and it is important that you keep speaking to people and I know that is hard as you think you are burdening them and unless they have lost a partner they just don’t understand. If you are on Facebook you may find this private group helpful it’s for Ladies who have lost their husband or partner and you can chat, rant and get support from people who know what you are going through.
      Take care and look after yourself


    • ShaniE 23rd February 2021 at 5:07 pm

      It is 12 years since my husband passed away at 59, I was 52 and I found support from my church family and a group called WayUp. I have found the support from their many members who have all lost their partners and totally understand why you suddenly have a melt down, not telling you to pull yourself together after a length of time but being there for you. I’ve made so many new friends there.

    • Working artist 24th February 2021 at 7:17 am

      Karen – my heart goes out to you. 4 years on – I have adapted, the shock and pain has lessened but my good memories remain. Things improve. You will recover, be sure of that. It just takes time. Hold on to that. Bless you.

    • NeilP 24th February 2021 at 8:56 am

      Karen, Condolances. I lost my wife comming up to 3 years ago . I thought i could never deal with the pain, but in time it does gradually subside. i still have awful days and in a way this gives me comfort in that i miss her so much I know my wife would have wanted me to be happy so i keep this thought in my mind and try to move forward. I found that i couldnt be unhappy everyday, and would try and find some thing to make me smile.
      Take care Neil.

    • waterbrook 25th February 2021 at 3:27 pm

      This is a very difficult time for you Karen. I’m sorry you are, understandably, feeling lonely and lost. You will eventually find that life becomes more settled and life becomes fulfilling again but it will not be quite the same again. I hope that you have friends and family to support you in your grief.

    • Julieannewilson6 25th February 2021 at 8:39 pm

      Hello Karen and to all those lovely people supporting you at this time of loss and grief and who have too lost someone very close to them. The feeling of loss is overwhelming and I am sure you are experiencing all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions from shock, anger and disbelief. Grief is unique to each and every one of us and no one knows exactly how you are feeling we can only imagine through our own experiences. It is time to really look after yourself with your health and wellbeing and talk to someone about your husband. As a loss and grief counsellor myself I know how important it is to talk. Julie x

      • Joy Sackett Wood 2nd March 2021 at 7:23 pm

        This is good understanding Karen. I am also a grief counsellor and when my son died 2 years ago I felt so fortunate to have my husband who is also a specialist grief counsellor to talk to. Even though we are trained professionals the spectrum of emotions experienced through grief is so deeply personal.

    • Paula’splace 28th February 2021 at 2:52 pm

      Karen I am 58 and my husband of 36 years died four years ago. he was very ill and 71 so as well as being devastated at his loss I could not help feeling some relief for him from the humiliation and pain the illness was giving him a very proud and strong man. I am lucky that have two sons still living at home, and I also have a dog. Everyone else has been suggested and putting forward any single male with a pulse. But even after four years, I have not considered looking for love again. I am not as easing going as I was 36 years ago and I honestly don’t think I want to bring anyone else into my life. I always think it is difficult as a widow you are still in love with your husband as opposed to being divorced.
      At the moment I am keeping busy and actually enjoying the freedom. My life is in two halves before him and after. I feel for those who have lost a loved one in lockdown so much more difficult. My advice, stop caring what other people think, be kind to yourself, spoil yourself, and look after yourself.
      Finally, do what you want to do.
      So many people say to me you are just acting like you don’t care !
      All I can tell you is it’s not an act.

      • moonlady 28th February 2021 at 3:53 pm

        I agree with the bit about not looking for another partner. We were married for 39 years, with ups and downs along the way. I am 65 now, maybe I have another 20 years left on Earth. I don’t want to waste a second of that time having to deal with another relationship, or compromising my own choices to please someone else. I am looking forward to finding my final home, which I call my “Granny House” (no grandchildren yet, but my son and daughter have long-term partners, so hopefully soon…) and decorating it for me alone. I am also looking forward to visiting places that I’ve always wanted to see, and cooking new recipes that I couldn’t try before, because I was living with a meat and two veg man. I definitely agree with the “Guid tae yersel” outlook on life. Be good to yourself, because you’re the only person you can rely on to do that now.

    • John Baptist 2nd March 2021 at 8:01 pm

      Hello Karen my name is John and I am 65 years old. My beloved wife also died almost 3 years ago. I have 5 children and six grandchildren but I also feel very lonely at times I was with my wife for 39 years. . Perhaps we may be able to help each other through the bereavement process. In the meantime my only message to you would be try to stay positive and take all the time you need to work through your feelings.

    • Cardy 10th March 2021 at 5:00 pm

      Hiya Karen,
      Deepest sympathies from n yorks.
      But you are still young and spring approaches. Just take one day at a time! X

    • Maria1968 30th March 2021 at 1:53 pm

      Hi I’m 53 I lost my husband a year ago after getting cancer and dying with in 6months . We were married 33 years . I’m so lost sad angry all the emotions ! It’s so hard I know how you feel xx

      • Buttercup19 31st March 2021 at 8:15 am

        Hi Maria1968 I lost my husband 7 months ago after getting cancer and passing in 16 weeks it’s all surreal isn’t it so I feel your pain, anger and all the other emotions. If you use Facebook you may find the group below useful it’s for ladies widows in the UK it’s a small private group where everyone is in the same position they have lost their husband or life partner.

        Here’s the link https://www.facebook.com/groups/315295243153525/

    • Robin500 7th April 2021 at 6:25 pm

      Hi Karen, so sorry to hear of your loss, my heart goes out to you, and myself and others on here are here if you you’d like to talk more. I’m grieving for my father who I lost just 2 months ago, end of January 2021. It’s one of the most difficult times of our life, losing a loved one, and just maybe we can hope that as some time goes by, possibly the raw feeling will gradually ease, for a partner, wife, husband or parents, we can have some comfort knowing they were loved, and they loved us. And will always be around us, and although it might not be obvious straight away, there spirit is around us, and will always be with us.

    • San cyc 24th April 2021 at 9:23 am

      It is a difficult journey this thing called grief .I am a year into mine after 45 years of being happily married . Lockdown has made it harder still . You have all your memories ..people say .but that’s what makes it painful as there will be no new ones . No silly shared jokes . Anyway hopefully like most of us you will get there ..good luck .

    • jolmno 29th April 2021 at 2:41 pm

      Hi Everyone,

      I lost my husband a few years ago. I found that Cruse had a massive waiting list, so went online instead. There is a fabulous support forum run by Sue Ryder there: not intrusive or anything, but filled with questions, comments and support from people in exactly the same predicament as us. Eventually I became an online mentor – only those who have suffered a close bereavement can truly know what it is like. It’s well worth seeking out.

      Love and empathy