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Arnold Posted 4 months ago
My experience, NOT the answer, but just my experience

When I became divorced, I lost my whole life in one conversation. My wife of twenty seven years, my children, my home and my friends. there was nothing sordid going on; I had thrown myself into work to build a home and fund the things I did not have when I was young.
Consequently we grew apart. no one else was involved.

I lived on my own for a long time, nine years in fact. personally I found, the more I tried to combat loneliness’ the more I found loneliness. Its like a fear of spiders, if you look for one you will find one, then you attract that fear. I tried to find ways of liking or even loving myself.

The old cliché how can someone love me if I don’t love myself.

I started by eating like a king. I prepared my meal the same way I would if I was cooking for a loved one. Nice place setting on a table with nice cutlery and china. a nice beverage, be it wine or a good coffee or tea. filtered water. I always found that a good play on the radio or better still an audio book. While I was eating I allowed myself to be immersed in whatever I was listening too.
I rarely listened to music as i found it brought up to many memories. Watching the TV while eating in my opinion is a big no no. Most of the time it is mindless tat, punctuated by even more intelligence insulting adverts.

I tidied my house, I made my bed every day, with fresh linen when needed. my bathroom was spotless as was my kitchen. I sorted my clothes, My car was valeted and kept spotless inside and out.
Why all this you may ask.
I felt so much better with myself. my appearance changed, I looked after myself. I could bump into someone and confidently say ‘would you like to come back to mine for a coffee?’ and know that they would look at me more favourably.
Treat yourself nice first and try to enjoy your own company. its hard but not impossible.
You will meet someone, be it for friendship or relationship.
Its ok to put yourself first.
Be patient:
Friendship is love suspended in time…
I found love and marriage.
Big hugs to you all. 💖

6 likes & 13 replies
    • Mad Ralph 30th September 2021 at 3:11 pm

      I love that, very insightful and positive. I think that’s going to give hope to a lot of people from what I’ve read on here recently. Thanks for taking the time to post it. 👏

      • Arnold 30th September 2021 at 3:23 pm

        Ralph, I am so pleased that it has given you food for thought. I do not have the answers to this situation., But I found that liking myself did help. Sadly bad things happen to good people, I worked hard to be a better person and it fell into place. x

      • Mo001 30th September 2021 at 3:29 pm

        I agree, the post has a very positive message that will hopefully help people who are going through a tough time. I love that by taking daily steps Arnold not only found friendship but also love & marriage.

    • Always 30th September 2021 at 3:28 pm

      That is amazing well done you the power of positive thinking and actions right there x

    • Mad Ralph 30th September 2021 at 3:36 pm

      Just the action of keeping busy (cleaning/looking after yourself) helps prevent loneliness so it’s a win win.

      • Arnold 30th September 2021 at 3:42 pm

        It works Ralph. when you cook, don’t have a takeaway, buy nice ingredients of your favourite main meal, follow a recipe. even making an amazing sandwich for yourself which you can replicate if someone calls round. Imagine how good you would feel at offering something about your favourite tastes. a great conversation starter.

    • Lost in life 30th September 2021 at 3:54 pm

      Arnold, thank you it’s good to hear. X

    • Daisychain 30th September 2021 at 6:42 pm

      I’m so impressed.

      • Arnold 30th September 2021 at 7:59 pm

        Hello Daisychain, Can I ask why you are impressed. I’m flattered if it’s for the message I have written, but it was not set to impress anyone, just wanted to share how I coped.
        However, I would love to start a group on working with loneliness and sharing my ideas.

        • Daisychain 30th September 2021 at 10:48 pm

          It was a wonderful way to manage. Being kind to yourself, making a plan, being positive in challenging times, looking after yourself, appreciating what you have and making use of all your inner strength, sharing your experiences to help others. That’s why I’m impressed. I hope that helps. Life throws many different experiences at us and it’s all too easy to end up in the mire and going round the maze and being unable to find a way out.

        • Arnold 30th September 2021 at 10:54 pm

          Thank you for your kind comments, I’m totally flattered. x 😀

        • Daisychain 30th September 2021 at 10:57 pm