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paxton1974 Posted 10 months ago
My 9 year old

My 9 yr old behaviour is terrible . At school she is the perfect student quiet well behaved but at home turns into a nightmare defying or questioning everything we say . Hope you can offer some ideas .

1 like & 15 replies
    • Sue47 31st July 2021 at 12:37 pm

      Perhaps she feels she can’t get away with such behaviour at school, whereas home is a more relaxed atmosphere? Just a suggestion but maybe she needs more structure during her time at home. I know how easy it is to give in for the sake of a bit of peace, we’ve all done it and it’s no consolation but my father was right, when my daughter was 6 he said it may feel like a nightmare now but it gets worse! Hang in there, you’ll get through this 🙂

      • paxton1974 31st July 2021 at 1:35 pm

        Thank you for your time i dont give in this is the reason that we have arguments & she wants to fight me it is also her behaviour with her sister who is 5 yrs old she seems to be very crafty talking her into playing how she wants the 5 yr agrees then realises it isnt how she wants to play then the arguments start .
        Thanks again

    • Sam71 31st July 2021 at 7:28 pm

      Could she be tired? My daughter is 8 and a half and even now if she’s a bit on the late side going to bed she’s a handful. Just a thought.

      • paxton1974 31st July 2021 at 9:43 pm

        Thank you for your reply . No i dont think she is tired as i make them good to bed at a good time although they do wake you at 6 every morning .

    • Daisychain 31st July 2021 at 9:32 pm

      One of my granddaughters (one of the twins, age 6) sounds rather similar. It seems that it goes in phases especially just before she has a growth spurt. This granddaughter is rather good with figures and keeping her mind occupied can work (she’s rather a clever clogs). At the same time she thrives on individual attention that is her time with her Mum. She can also be defiant, bad tempered and this comes out of nowhere. At school she is also well behaved.

      Take heart if she only does this at home. She may be just checking out that she is safe and secure but doesn’t know how to verbalise her emotions. My granddaughter can also be manipulative and a bit of a bully to her twin sister on occasions.

      It may be that as the older child she is still feeling the effects of having a younger sibling and her perceived loss of having sole attention.

      See if you can work out if there are any, specific triggers and give her some special time, just for her if you can. My daughter did speak to a child counsellor to get some ideas on how to help this particular granddaughter.

      It’s rather trial and error but keep going. You are doing the best you can. Children, however much they are loved can sometimes be a bit of a trial, especially at home.

      All the best D

    • paxton1974 31st July 2021 at 9:39 pm

      Thank you for your reply .

    • Deleted User 1st August 2021 at 12:14 am

      Let your no be no and your yes be yes.
      It sets solid boundaries.

    • AEB 16th August 2021 at 11:23 pm

      Girls can have a hormone growth between 8 – 10 years old which can effect there behaviour/emotions . My granddaughter has just turned nine and her behaviour had changed over the last 6 months she became very emotional (crying/temper)
      We gave her a book explaining how her body is changing and how it can effect her emotions. We tried to answered any questions to help her understand and she is now a lot happier . I think it is important to talk to children about about
      how they are feeling and help them through difficult time. Boys apparently
      have a hormone growth between 10 – 12 years old

    • Nelle96 21st August 2021 at 7:06 am

      I am 59 with an 11 year old son and it’s exhausting. His heart is in the right place but his behaviour is just terrible sometimes, he just can’t seem to stop himself. We find positive reinforcement and incentive works best. We discussed with him why he acts like he does and also got some feedback from him on how we should change our behaviour eg knocking before we go into his bedroom. At the moment he wants a TV in his room. We’ve said that we will put cash aside to buy him one based on his behaviour. When he resists the urge to do something stupid or behaves really well, we put some money in that (virtual) pot, it’s an app that he can check at any time. The pot is growing, albeit slowly!

      • AEB 21st August 2021 at 3:06 pm

        My grandchildren have a go henry account
        I have started to put money in the account when Mum/Dad has confirmed they did the weekly chores.

    • adeliza0165 22nd August 2021 at 7:23 am

      I never had any issues with my son when he was growing up, but went through a few awful patches with my daughter. I had to get strict with her and get on top of the behaviour! She grew out of it, grew up and turned into a lovely, kind, decent and respectful young lady.

    • gcbulli 22nd August 2021 at 7:39 pm

      Hi! I agree it’s probably her hormones and you being consistant with behaviour expectations is vital. I would tell her how much you care for her and that you will love her regardless of her behaviour but that it is not acceptable , She will hopefully take responsibility for her behaviour when it dawns on her that the choices she makes reflect your relationship. She sounds like almost all pre puberty kids!

      • paxton1974 22nd August 2021 at 7:46 pm

        Thanks for your reply . Ive had running battles all day today . She says something in her head tells her to be naughty but it seems its only at home this happens .