Home Forums Bereavement Lost and lonely what direction do we go ?

Mickandann1 Posted 1 year ago
Lost and lonely what direction do we go ?
9 replies
    • moonlady 29th April 2021 at 1:55 pm

      It’s really hard at the moment, when we can’t go out and meet people in person. Once The Bother is over, I hope to join a range of clubs, maybe go birdwatching, rambling, possibly I might volunteer somewhere. I’m not at all religious, but if you have any sort of belief, you might consider going to your local place of worship, where you would find a warm welcome, I’m sure, whatever faith you belong to.
      In the meantime, online forums like this at least allow us to make contact with other humans. I have also taken up letter writing again, actually putting thoughts on paper and sending them off in an envelope. Have started to connect with people I haven’t seen for years.

      • Marica 29th April 2021 at 2:00 pm

        I agree, I got a whole new online social life during lockdown , it is a case of looking and finding things with the availability we have at the time

      • Mickandann1 29th April 2021 at 2:07 pm

        But when you loose your wife partner best friend lover being joined at the hips for years always doing things for each other never being selfish all this leaves you lost we always said we would be together for forever and a day but what happens now ??

        • Deleted User 29th April 2021 at 4:05 pm

          I feel for you it’s so hard. My partner passed away 4 months ago. You need to look after yourself and be gentle. Don’t rush, make baby steps. Start by eating as well as you can. At first, I would not eat, only drink water. When the hunger came back, I would only eat bread, I had no heart for prepping and cooking, yet, I’d cooked for him several meals a day for his last year. I’d spend the day in bed mostly watching movies/series he liked. For a while, I wasn’t showering either, maybe once a week. My first goal was to change my will because my partner was in it. Give yourself one task to do, and don’t worry if it takes longer than it normally would. All the things I had to do kind of urgently after his passing (tax return left aside while I cared for him, other paperwork such as the will, keeping up with insurances etc…) I would have normally have achieved in 2 weeks. 5 months down the line, and I’ve barely accomplished one. But so be it, we are deeply wounded, we are grieving, we have lost our second half, truly, my heart does not beat the same way, it’s harder to breathe, we need to give ourselves the time to heal. It’s OK. Society (and some people you know) will want you to believe that you are not moving on fast enough, and that’s out of place, a cold hearted thing to tell you. So ignore it all, follow your instinct. Cry when you want to. I still cry every morning that I wake up. It’s really tiring. But it’s the healing process and I embrace it. It’s a measure of my love for him. It’s extremely painful to walk around the house and see things he would have done, and realising that I’m now on my own and he can’t help me, we can share these moments. He used to mash the potatoes, and refill the gas lighters for example, and these small things are those who I find hardest to deal with. If you can’t be bothered doing something, don’t do it. It’s OK. Just start by looking after yourself. And take it slowly.

        • Mickandann1 29th April 2021 at 6:40 pm

          If I say ditto this means I know exactly how you feel and how your emotions are treating you every time you turn round there are more things you took for granted than makes you realise you are on your own my feelings are that I can’t wait to be back together, when it’s my time I’ve got big questions to ask because someone owes Ann 20years
          Keep trying x

        • Deleted User 30th April 2021 at 10:37 am

          Oh God, I can’t wait to be with him again too! And someone owes him 20 years too. There was medical negligence that forced him to be bedridden for his last year. It feels so painful to know someone careless did that to him. Ann looks like a sweet giving person in your profile pic. I did one thing after he passed that I never thought I would do. I have monthly sessions with a medium to speak to Levi and it’s a real relief. I chose one from the College of Psychic Studies to make sure I wasn’t going to a charlatan. I believe that since we are all energy and we are all connected, I could still be connected to Levi. My medium is very experienced and also a teacher at the university. Perhaps you could try and see how it is for you? I find it a much better therapy than all the pills they have so far offered me. https://www.collegeofpsychicstudies.co.uk/consultations/ Big hug xx

        • Mickandann1 30th April 2021 at 11:12 am

          You all’s a very loving and Very person that didn’t deserve how things turned out , Ann died in my arms she had not had any illness, I tried everything I could I even tried to make a pack with either god or the devil to let her live and take me but there cannot be any such forces ,we just lived for each other and had not only lots of memories but lots of plans to look forward to , but now only the memories that no one can take away ,I hope one day soon we will be together again because honestly I can’t live without her
          Take care keep positive x

        • Deleted User 30th April 2021 at 1:41 pm

          Mick, I really feel your pain, it comes through when I read you. I give you one huge hug. You know, it’s a fabulous thing that she died in your arms. It sounds romantic and filled with love, you are very lucky to have had this relationship. Levi didn’t die in my arms, medics had put him on the floor and were doing CPR when the Do Not Resuscitate order came through. it was brutal to be told he cannot be brought back to life because his condition was already so poor. But I was there. It is not very common to be there for the others when they die, as so many people die in hospitals, so it’s a privilege for you to have had this experience. And Mick, I bet she is so so grateful that you were there. No one wants to die alone.
          You shared the experience of her passing with her, and it can be quite traumatic, so be easy on yourself. Just remember how you were both lucky to have been able to hold each other and smell each other in her last moment. You’re incredibly lucky to have had this intimacy until the very end. Take care xx

        • Mickandann1 30th April 2021 at 3:03 pm

          Thank you x