Home Forums Bereavement Just lost my 84 year old dad , my son is leaving home and I feel lost and lonely and guilt..my dad took his own life

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  • Just lost my 84 year old dad , my son is leaving home and I feel lost and lonely and guilt..my dad took his own life

     

    Posted by Tracey
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    • Reply by Sue

      Sorry to hear about your dad Tracey Have you thought of volunteering there are plenty of charities out there crying out for people. My kids have all left home and my husband had a stroke 4 years ago and I felt very lonely for a long time I got myself a dog started walking  and have meet so many people .Give yourself time

    • Reply by debko

      I feel so sad for you, so painful – nothing I can say with change any of this but just to let you know that I am sending you much love and a big hug xxx

    • Reply by dvwild

      Hi, Tracey, I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. Guilt and loneliness are normal reactions to such a sad situation and your son leaving home is another loss for you. My eldest son died in 2011 and I’ve just lost my second son to an accidental overdose in May. This is after my husband lost his fight with dementia just before last Christmas. Loss upon loss upon loss.
      im being supported by wonderful friends but I know that my grief is mine to carry. If you would like to message me to talk, I’m happy to just listen. Understanding hugs.

    • Reply by laurah1983

      Hi Tracey

      I hope that today finds you feeling a bit better and that you have considered taking the advice posted by Stuart.

      I lost my stepfather to the virus in April. He already had chest problems and when the virus got in to the care home where he was he didn’t stand a chance. I have had to remain very strong for my mother as she went to pieces and I feel that I haven’t had a chance to grieve properly yet. However I keep getting pangs of guilt that had we been able to keep him at home he would have been safe but I try to push these thoughts away us under the circumstances it wasn’t my choice and dwelling on it won’t make anything better.

      As regards to the loneliness and lost feeling you have regarding your son leaving home I can truly sympathise with you. My two daughters moved together to London a few years ago to start their careers. Even though I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful home I felt absolutely wretched. I was glad that they were getting on and knew that they were doing the right thing but I felt so totally lost and redundant as a person and as if the colour had gone out of my life. All I can advise you is to try and keep busy-find some new hobbies, interests or try to meet some new people ( although that isn’t so easy at the moment with all the restrictions) at least you might forget about things for a few hours and these few hours will build. Also keep in touch regularly with your son. One of my daughters used to ring me every day on her way home from work and fill me in on all the days comings and goings( this really helped). She has since moved back from London and lives around the corner but strangely I don’t speak to her as often now.
      It may not seem like it at the moment but things will very slowly get better.

      Keep safe

      Laura

    • Reply by Stuart

      Hi Tracey,

      I saw your post and my heart went out to you.

      I am so sorry to hear you have just lost your dad. I lost mine on Christmas Eve 2016 at the age of 87 and its one of the triggers that started me on my journey to set up Rest Less.

      The circumstances sound absolutely tragic and I can only offer my sincerest sympathy. Added to that, your son moving out at the same time – I’m not surprised you feel lost right now.

      The important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault and you will get through this, and there will be brighter days to come – even if its difficult to believe that right now.

      I am not a trained expert in dealing with grief, but there are specialists out there to talk too.

      Cruse Bereavement Care https://www.cruse.org.uk/ – are a specialist bereavement charity who offer non-judgemental and impartial support for those dealing with Bereavement. You can contact them on 0808 808 1677 or email them at [email protected].

      If you are feeling particularly low then volunteers at the Samaritans and Silver Line are also available to offer a listening ear and some kind words 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Contact Samaritans on 116 123 or Silver Line on 0800 470 8090.

      Sadly, a lot of our members experience grief and loss and a real biting sense of loneliness. It’s no substitute for help from one of the trained professionals I mentioned above, but we have written a few articles on these topics that may help in some small way.

      https://restless.co.uk/leisure-and-lifestyle/healthy-mind/coping-with-grief-and-loss/

      https://restless.co.uk/leisure-and-lifestyle/healthy-mind/7-ways-to-help-tackle-feelings-of-loneliness/

      https://restless.co.uk/career-advice/personal-stories/after-the-sudden-loss-of-her-fiance-ute-55-is-using-her-grief-to-help-others/

      Do be kind to yourself and reach out to Cruse or the Samaritans if you find yourself feeling particularly low.  They are there to help.

      Warmest wishes in these difficult times.

      Stuart

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