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Anonymous User (no longer active) Posted 5 months ago
Is loneliness in a relationship even worst than the loneliness of being alone?
16 likes & 98 replies
    • Betty lee 12th September 2021 at 5:25 pm

      Most definitely.

    • Deleted User 14th September 2021 at 12:02 pm

      Yes, I would say it is.

    • Ab3tbmb 17th September 2021 at 1:20 am

      I was lonely in a relationship it was toxic in my situation. That’s was as approx 9 yrs ago. I ve just turned 53 and been on my own since. And I don’t feel I have to be with someone to define me.

    • Ab3tbmb 17th September 2021 at 1:54 am

      Yes it is definitely best being on your own until you are sure off what u want. And finding urself

    • Suzydee 19th September 2021 at 10:18 am

      I was lonely in a relationship for years as my husband was ill and I cared for him. He passed 4 years ago. I am now lonely in a relationship with a man who is married and I see him for 2 days every 2 weeks. I didn’t know he was married when we met but found out 6 months later. I know he will never leave claiming cultural reasons. He claims to love me, I know it’s not true, I know I will be better off without him. I relocated after my husband died and don’t know anybody where I live. I can’t stand the thought of being more lonely if I tell him to go

    • ELIZABETH DIANA58 20th September 2021 at 11:18 pm

      I’m sure it must be.

    • BARRIE 21st September 2021 at 9:34 am

      Of course it is. If you’re in a relationship and are still lonely then get out of the relationship. Arelationship is meant to be friends, company, someone to confide in. If youre relationship gives you none of these then you dont have a relationship. Get a dog. A4 legged one, they are loyal and don’t argue either.

    • Anonymous 22nd September 2021 at 7:33 am

      I’m feeling lonely in a marriage at the moment , my husband uses porn sites then video chats with them in WhatsApp , he says it’s just a game , but I know if it was me doing it he would go mad ! I have nobody to talk to about it as it to embarrassing to tell friends or family members , it’s making me ill and I can not get in the right head space to do anything about it

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 22nd September 2021 at 6:54 pm

      This is very similar to the situation I found myself in many years ago, so I am so sorry you are going through this. It wasn’t porn sites but personal messages of a very dubious nature and some video calls when he thought I wasn’t around to hear, but I was. I can only advise you that I wish I had voted with my feet and walked out. I realise now that I had good friends who would have made no judgement on me and would have supported me. You have done nothing wrong, I hope you can find a way to reach out to family or friends, you are worth better than this.

    • Nickappleby 22nd September 2021 at 7:15 pm

      I think it is – I endured it for years and eventually had a break down and had to leave

    • Perdita 30th September 2021 at 5:52 pm

      I’m on my own after 36 years of marriage. The loneliest was being married. I don’t regret my decision. A leap in the dark worked for me.

    • Happyladytme 1st October 2021 at 2:44 pm

      This site is great iv just been through a horrible 2 years .
      ..my ex husband who I thought loved me spent every minute he could on porn and dating sites ..
      I felt ashamed to speak to anyone but I did in the end .
      .it’s so much more common these days ..
      I told him to go in the end I wanted to hit him ..that made me scared because I’m not violent ..
      So happy now ..don’t suffer in silence

      • Anonymous 1st October 2021 at 11:12 pm

        I’ve now got an appoint with a counsellor to deal with my anxiety and I’m hoping to be able to find the courage to speak to them

    • PeteA 1st October 2021 at 3:35 pm

      I guess the point I was trying to make was that if you are in a relationship you can at least work with your partner to find a way to make it work.

      If your partner dies like mine then you are more alone than at any time before. Loneliness doesn’t come close to describing it.

    • Mariam 2nd October 2021 at 4:51 pm


    • Wunderwoman 8th October 2021 at 10:50 am

      I separated from my husband after 22 years of marriage earlier this year. I hadn’t realised how lonely I was in my marriage until then. I have no regrets. He is a good man but the connection between us was long gone. Several months down the line, yes, I do get lonely but it doesn’t last all too long. I can do what I want, be who I want, it’s totally different. For me, it’s been positive in a weird way, although very hard and painful – but the positives outweigh that.

    • Truthos 19th October 2021 at 3:29 pm

      I have lived on my own for some time now. I never feel lonely. Loneliness is a state of mind. Some people have a need for company, others don’t. I guess that those who do feel the need for someone else’s attention. If you are living with someone who could provide that attention and doesn’t it must be uncomfortable for the person who requires the attention. It might be useful to ask yourself what you really need from someone else and why. Unfortunately in current society we are prey to other people’s expectations, we make comparisons and judge ourselves. Try to avoid this and ask yourself what you really need, you might surprise yourself, all the best t😊

    • MORENOCH1 25th October 2021 at 1:06 pm

      loneliness in a relationship is the worse. If alone, you might be able to have the freedom to find other people to mingle with.

    • HMC123 25th October 2021 at 3:43 pm

      Personally I found it worse being lonely in a relationship. People tend to assume that because you are in a relationship you must be ok. I spent all my time pretending everything was OK. I had no control or self-esteem in my relationship. Now – I’m slowly re-building my self-esteem … and I can pretty much do what I want, when I want and how I want. Yes, I am still lonely, but it comes and goes – and I don’t need to pretend anymore 😊

      • RosieG 26th October 2021 at 9:55 am

        I could have written this! I am convinced that even the most well balanced, happy people have moments of loneliness- it’s normal. But being made to feel lonely is soul destroying. I am on my own now and have some mornings, afternoons, evenings of feeling lonely but I just go with it and it passes.
        Onwards and upwards! X

    • Wunderwoman 25th October 2021 at 5:40 pm

      Yes, being lonely in a relationship is way worse than being lonely on your own.

    • Suziku 26th October 2021 at 12:51 pm

      I left my marriage because of loneliness. I was always the outgoing, friendly one. He was more reserved and wasn’t interested in meeting new people. He never wanted to come to events with me, whether family or work, etc. At first I was sad but OK with this. I looked forward to retirement to be able to do lots of things. He looked forward to just stopping work and not doing anything. Then it got worse and he didn’t even want to go out with our friends. The final straw was when he refused to come to an important event where I needed his moral support. He’s since received counselling which has helped him somewhat but it’s too late now as my life has moved. I’m alone and deliberately so as I’ve learnt that I’m much happier that way.

    • John 64 29th October 2021 at 11:06 am

      I live in a Lonley relationship, thing is, we stay together becomes of finances, to sell and move would put us both in difficult positions, everything we’ve worked for would be gone, we’d either have to rent or move further away from the kids and grand kids, friends, and work, so I stay in the attic room whilst she sleeps in the bedroom, Today is my birthday, and if it wasn’t for seeing the kids I wouldn’t bother doing anything, I’ve asked not to have a cake brought out at the restaurant, which has been a regular thing for any of our birthdays, nothing is worth celebrating anymore, nothing is worth looking forward to anymore, I’m not sure how I’d feel if I decided enough is enough, and move away, live on my own, at least as I am now, I can say good morning and good night to someone.

      • Sophie10 1st December 2021 at 8:49 am

        Well , this is just like me . It doesn’t happen where it fine one day and then it’s not . But there comes a point when you realise this isn’t good no matter how hard you try. It is a wake up call to read this . It isn’t just me

    • Staying Alive 29th October 2021 at 12:32 pm

      Hi John. May I first start by wishing you a happy birthday. Even though I know you don’t feel happy.
      Reading your reply to this post I do feel for you. Having gone through the same situation myself early this year. It wasn’t until my birthday that my husband decided enough was enough and he left. He had planned this for sometime, therefore he had somewhere else to go a job I rented apartment. Our kids had grown up and left the nest so I’ve got the big house all to myself in a new neighbourhood where I don’t have any friends and I don’t work.
      I don’t regret this for one minute as staying together only makes it worse in the long run when you know the end has to come. Thankfully he still pays the mortgage and bills and the cost for my living he has a very good job so it’s his will to carry on and be supportive in a financial way then so be it.
      We only see each other but we have to regarding house matters and the children.

      Hopefully you would work this through as I know it’s very difficult trying to stay in a relationship when you don’t want to be there.

    • Superspace pilot 11th November 2021 at 7:15 pm

      Fantastic question,i dont know

    • Tim17 13th November 2021 at 10:14 am

      Yes agree been there never again

    • Lonelysole 18th November 2021 at 7:40 pm

      After 26 years of marriage my husband has decided he no longer wants to be married struggling with loneliness at the mo to be honest!

    • Mina 20th November 2021 at 5:48 pm

      Loneliness among people is more terrible.

    • Telaine13 24th November 2021 at 5:54 pm

      Most people are lonely because they have lost that inner connection with themselves. We put all our efforts into knowing others so well and putting others needs before our own, we neglect ourselves. We don’t realise how much we depend on other people to influence our lives and emotions. I had to get to a place of knowing and accepting full responsibility for myself, changing my perspective of how I see myself and others. My emotions were running my life. Empowering myself to not let others or outside influences dictate how I feel. It’s not easy and been a difficult journey.

    • Perdita 26th November 2021 at 4:47 pm

      Better to be alone and single than married and lonely.

    • Ianfrancis 28th November 2021 at 2:51 pm

      Does anyone think the loneliness in a relationship is getting worse? I’m certainly feeling that way, maybe it’s during the run up to Christmas , or the covid situation, I’m really struggling , not helped of course by being in a dead marriage, I stay in for the sake of my grown up kids & my grand children .

    • Perdita 28th November 2021 at 4:32 pm

      I divorced was in your situation. At some point you have to think of your own happiness. Your wasting your life.