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Shirlann Posted 1 year ago
Is it selfish to want some life for your self? All my life has been for other people trying to make others happy husband kids parents but hasn’t seem to work 🙄☹️Now just want to live life how I’m happy ! Can I?
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12 likes & 24 replies
    • Rebecca 2021 20th February 2021 at 2:19 pm

      Hi Shirlann, For what it’s worth: here is my take on your question. You only get one shot at life and it would seem from what you say, that you’ve spent decades looking after others. The current covid situation brings into sharp focus the need to live life to the full. I’m not suggesting for one moment that you “abandon” your family, however it’s important for YOUR well-being to have some “me time” Do you have any hobbies/ interests?

      Reply
    • Shirlann 20th February 2021 at 2:56 pm

      Thanks for your answer how I’m thinking at the moment only one shot😁I’ve just got around to knowing what I like or want very simple things I’d like to have small holding like country music and films with meaningful stories or comedy hate violence or James Bond😁

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      • Rebecca 2021 20th February 2021 at 3:47 pm

        It’s good that you have things you’re interested in. Losing yourself in music, film and comedy is no bad thing. I’ve never watched a James Bond film……perhaps it’s time for Jane Bond?! Either way, nothing would entice me to watch them.

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    • Steve Trellis 21st February 2021 at 12:39 pm

      Not at all. We should all be allowed some personal time … time for ourselves as individuals. Go for it and enjoy being you. You can still be a partner and a mother, but they are just a part of you rather than being all encompassing!

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    • Mand53 21st February 2021 at 3:28 pm

      Not at all Shirlann; we all need some ‘me time’; what makes us happy is important for our mental wellbeing. Having had a stroke at an early age, put everything into perspective for me. 😁

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    • behindmyeyes 21st February 2021 at 4:58 pm

      I feel exactly the same , I think covid has made us all think a little differently about life

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    • Jo35 23rd February 2021 at 3:52 pm

      Shirlann, if you’re asking the question then it’s clearly something you need. I felt exactly the same way when my mum who i had been nursing and I was diagnosed with cancer just before she died. Because we were a close family and i was trying to protect my children, who were adults by the way, i felt as if I was sinking. Shortly after my mum died my youngest got his own flat and i was a very proactive mum for my children but then i thought to myself “what about me?”. I felt that i couldn’t grieve for my mum or for my cancer diagnosis. I then decided that what felt like all my life i was busy looking after others and now it’s time for me and i intended to be VERY selfish about it. I now do what I feel like for others when i feel like, it was hard at first but i actually moved away so that made it easier.

      Reply
    • hell.fenn 24th February 2021 at 10:05 am

      I relate to your situation Shirlann. All other comments are relevant but I would say you need to share your likes and hobbies with other like minded people. Has your local area got any groups that you could join with the same interests? I had just started sorting myself out in the same way just before lockdown last year. I certainly can’t wait to pick it up again when we are allowed. Keep in touch with this group which is very friendly. Things are looking up, we are entering lockdown for hopefully the last time and the sun is beginning to shine on us. x

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    • Julieannewilson6 24th February 2021 at 10:24 pm

      Hi Shirlann, it is important to be true to yourself and focus on what will make you happy and at peace with yourself. This could be spending time on your own in an allotment, listening to the music you like and watching the films you want to see. It is about changing the way you have been in the past to how you are going to be in the future. Reinvent yourself to be who you want to be. It may be hard initially with your family but hang on in there and you will eventually get the response and respect you deserve. I wish you well.

      Reply
    • Josie The Black Country Wench 25th February 2021 at 6:16 pm

      Yeah go for it. Give yourself permission. You are not just someones, wife someones mother. That is not the total sum of your identity.
      If you are more fulfilled, happier and less anxious, then you will be better able to cope with the demands that other people place on you. Go out and explore the things that you would like to do. Join groups, meet new people and enjoy yourself. Everyone in the family will benefit from the new happy you. Do not apologise for who you are or who you would like to be. Be kind but don’t make excuses and apologise. Hope that this helps.

      Reply
    • Deleted User 25th February 2021 at 7:28 pm

      Of course you can, Shirlann, Just do what you want to do, it’s your life , enjoy it

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    • janedefrancesco 25th February 2021 at 8:43 pm

      Absolutely go for it!!

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    • loislane 25th February 2021 at 10:33 pm

      No it isn’t selfish at all, just that family will seem it so because they’re used to having you in a certain role. I, too, want my life back but I’m absolutely stuck, I have an autistic adult son who I will always have to have with me. His father decided his own life was more important than doing his best for his family.
      So what is it that you want and how do you get it? If your kids are adults then you can let them get on with it.

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    • Frankit 26th February 2021 at 6:03 am

      As others have said, you only get one life, do what makes you happy. Love your family but live YOUR life, good luck

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    • Toni 1 26th February 2021 at 12:00 pm

      From reading your message, I think that you sound like you are a caring person by nature. Which ever way you go, the decision will be made by you for you. You will never walk away from those you love and care about. You will just be on the side lines. Me time is very important, I too am learning this and having so much time on your hands just now. It sounds like your coming to the same conclusion. Don’t feel guilty about these thoughts and feelings. Take some time out for just you. The rest of the world will always be there. Take care and stay safe. Toni

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    • pinkgekko 26th February 2021 at 2:20 pm

      Explore. Play like a child. Have fun. Its your time.

      Reply
    • 0Chere 26th February 2021 at 4:04 pm

      I understand where your coming from and at this present time it is even harder. I would say to make an allotted time once a day or however much you want to do what you want! Easier said than done in my experience! I used to think I was being selfish but then I did go to university as a mature student hard but I enjoyed every minute. If you want it enough you will make it happen I did!

      Reply
    • Just me 26th February 2021 at 6:08 pm

      have a look on line as there are lots of sites to give advice re saying NO and that its ok to say no and be a bit selfish. it takes time and the first time you say no is hard but it gets easier

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    • cbrennan113 26th February 2021 at 9:37 pm

      Hi live your life as you please you only get one best wishes

      Reply
    • manbug 14th March 2021 at 5:42 pm

      i lost my wife 10 months ago , i looked after her for twenty years as well as my brother -in-law , before it was my mother with dementia .yes every one deserves to move on with their own lives no matter how hard

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    • manbug 14th March 2021 at 5:56 pm

      i lost my wife 10 months ago , i looked after her for twenty years as well as my brother -in-law , before it was my mother with dementia .yes every one deserves to move on with their own lives no matter how hard

      Reply
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