Home Forums Loneliness How do you manage loneliness

karenjakes06 Posted 2 years ago
How do you manage loneliness

For the first time in my life at 60 I am living on my own and finding it really difficult. I have a knot in my stomach all the time and just want to cry and hide in bed. My fear is I cant cope mentally or financially and not sure what help is there. Can someone help please. Karen

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31 likes & 141 replies
    • ChrisPhotographer 21st September 2021 at 1:59 am

      I suffer with a few mental health issues including Agoraphobia, Anxiety with panic attacks, PTSD, Bipolar & Clinical / Major Depression, also suspected Borderline personality disorder. I often ( maybe 90% of my time ), feel lonely, be it in a busy place, surrounded by family or in an empty room. Which often causes ‘ overthinking’, once I get to this stage I find all I can do is go to bed, often crying myself to sleep, but at least there I can dream & not be lonely or ill..

      Reply
    • Fuff 21st September 2021 at 12:42 pm

      Hi

      I separated two years ago at 63 and loneliness is an issue now . It didn’t actually seem so bad during lockdown as I had the same social life as everyone else 😂

      I’ve joined a couple of groups and meet up for walks and social outings which has helped a lot . I’ve always got something to look forward to.

      I miss having that special someone but I also like the freedom of my own space. Keeping busy helps and I’m threatening to see what the local college has on offer and maybe learn something new

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      • min 22nd September 2021 at 8:52 pm

        You seem to be finding your way, Fuff. Having a plan perhaps keep your mind off the loneliness and looking forward to the new choices you are making. It’s good to hear you are making progress.

        Reply
    • min 22nd September 2021 at 8:49 pm

      That’s so sad Karen. I would say try to achieve small things: recognise each little thing you manage alone that shows you that you can manage financially, or mentally. Rejoice in those. They are steps forward. They will take your focus away from the pain, little by little. It’s inside you – you just have to find it.

      Reply
    • RALPH 2 23rd September 2021 at 5:44 pm

      Hi need to tell your doctor they will help you with all your worries

      Reply
    • Lyndar1 8th October 2021 at 9:05 am

      My husband left me for another woman after 28 years of marriage. I had no idea what was happening and at first was totally lost !
      Friends helped me through and as suggested previously I also visited the GP. He prescribed anti depressants which I didn’t want to take . I carried them round with me for 8 weeks before I finally decided to take them and they helped massively!
      8 years further on I am in a happy place. I have a new partner ( we have been together for 7 years now) and life is good 🤞.
      My message is don’t give up. Eventually you can find a new ( and perhaps better ) life.

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    • Carol1412 14th October 2021 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Karen I know what it’s like I’m early 60s too, had a family around me always until I was left by my husband, family already left home and was alone , I was the same , nervous , frightened, worried about everything , but you can cope , and you will, with time, you will find your strength. You are here and talking ….stay brave carol. X

      Reply
    • GaromReid12345 14th October 2021 at 10:18 pm

      Hi, it’s very difficult being alone for the first time in your life. 2 1/2 years ago I became single and at 51, it was the first time I’d ever lived alone. The first few months were awful. I cried continuously in the evenings, not sure what to do. Even distraction of being in the garden which I love didn’t work. All that was on my mind was being alone. Things improved slightly over time but I still struggle 2 orv3 times a week. I know I need to get out and meet people but I live in a small village. Does anyone else have any tips?

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      • vaughanpauline 17th October 2021 at 4:19 pm

        Yes, if you cant get out immediately embrace Zoom.

        Its not the same but can and does lead to getting out with real people in the real world, but you do have to work at it.

        I am just back from a fantastic weekend away with 4 wonderful people i first me when i created Silver Friends on a certain social media site.

        Yes i had to travel so did the others but was well worth it. Next year a whole group of us are hoping to travel to Gran Canaria but we also have other trips planned for the UK.

        Silver Friends and Zoom are brilliant ways of getting to know people in similar circumstances to your own.

        If you want an invite to the group let me know. I promise you everyone will make you welcome

        Pauline x

        Reply
    • medusaman123 16th October 2021 at 5:52 pm

      Hello lovely. There is a time in your life that is important to you. Times may seem hard and i do know what your going through. Life at times when we are alone can make us feel unwanted. So what do i do well walking hills and being out with nature helps me. People are there when they are needed and are willing to chat but not always. If you have a dog take it for more walks often then see if people will talk to you. I am here anytime you wish me to be your never alone – Regards Mick… You can direct message me if you so wish to… x

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      • Labby 28th October 2021 at 12:47 pm

        Please, don’t treat your loneliness as a curse or a strange thing, but accept it as a phase to pass through to your real happiness. God in the Holy Bible does not want anyone to be alone (Genesis 2:18),meaning that, God is at work, to bring in a better alternative! Lovely you, be hopeful and be happy with yourself. Think of a better tomorrow. Engage your heart in positive thinking. Liberate yourself from hibernation, because it will not add to your value. Sing songs. Dream good. Read Holy Bible for divine encouragement. I counsel singles and still single on marriage and relationship. You may link up,if so desire via [email protected]
        I see a new life coming back for you. Ok!

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    • Annievee 16th October 2021 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Karen, I totally understand and empathise after finding myself alone in my later life after a 20 year relationship ended when I thought it would last forever and we cold retire. I still have to work and now for longer but my work colleagues kept me from going under. I dread coming home, I hate the emptiness it amplifies my loneliness. After 4 months I cry less, , I never thought I would ever feel this grief stricken. I am having to look at how I can move forward. I still think I will never overcome my loneliness for even if I stay with family I feel so alone inside. May be therapy can help.

      Reply
    • WendyK 17th October 2021 at 11:08 am

      Hi I’m Wendy I live in Bradford, I’m 62 and have been suffering with depression for a while, Lockdown has effected me badly it would be nice just to have someone to talk to xxx

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    • medusaman123 17th October 2021 at 12:29 pm

      Hello Karen.. I am with you and know how you feel. Please do not stay in bed that is the worse thing you can do. If you have a dog or not just go for a walk into town or city where you live. Look in the mirror and say to yourself i am the important one in my life. It is me that matters there no-one else like me. Loneliness is horrible at the best of times and i do feel for you. Regards Mick from Hampshire.. HUGS you xx

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    • Amy 17th October 2021 at 5:31 pm

      Hi i know how u feel im lonely to i lost my husband last year to cancer and am now on my own after 38 years im here if u want to chat

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    • 18Jude 17th October 2021 at 5:38 pm

      Get out in the sunshine 🌞,
      I really can relate to how you are feeling , baby steps 🤗

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    • Grace Fu 17th October 2021 at 7:52 pm

      Hi Karen we are here for you. Where do you live?

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    • Beauty 17th October 2021 at 8:12 pm

      I am with you, I am also finding it really difficult coping day after day. Stay strong Karen.

      Reply
    • BARRIE 29th October 2021 at 8:54 am

      Get a routine and organisation into your life. Not regimentation though. Do all the chores early in the day, any day or even every day. Keep active. I go shopping sometimes once a week, sometimes once a fortnight. Freezers are wonderful, and, being alone there’s lots of room. Chat on the phone to friends and family if you have one. It’s a bonus being alone, do what you want to do, when you want to do it and with whom you want. Go on singles holidays. I’ve been totaly alone for 3 years since my partner passed away suddenly. I sit and think of the good times we had, you won’t remember the bad. Good luck love. Be brave, you owe it to yourself. I can even make a cuppa without burning it.

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    • Tereron 29th October 2021 at 11:17 pm

      Hi Karen, me too, at 57. I think as we get older we feel this is it for us but we have to keep going and be positive. It’s lonely but I’m hopeful that I can find new friends on here.

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    • Amy 31st October 2021 at 1:15 pm

      Hi karen i know how u feel im lonely to i lost my husband last year after 38 years together . Im 56 and have never been on my own iv joined a few groups but they all talk about partners hubby etc i feel like a fish out of water but force. Myself to go . If u ever want to chat u can pm me anytime sending u a hug

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    • Junebug 15th November 2021 at 10:30 am

      Get where you are coming from Karen.

      I keep thinking if I go here, do this, buy this etc. etc. then I will feel better – wrong!

      The bottom line is, I miss my husband and the life we had together and it is now three years since he passed away.

      I also think the whole pandemic situation has changed the way people think and want to go out and socialise. I have joined a few social groups but don’t seem to be having any luck meeting like minded people from my neck of the woods.

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    • Beena 59 22nd November 2021 at 1:22 am

      I joined stitch community, an online site to help combat loneliness. It’s for 50+ and not a dating site. (However a few have met their ideal partners through friendships by getting to know them through events.) I attend many virtual events and have made so many wonderful friends in, uk and Australia. I was diagnosed with cancer early this year and going through chemo. The stitch community gave me so much support that was needed. We are all hoping to meet up for gatherings in the future. Please look into this. Virtual events are fun. We get to know each other through zoom type events. Various subjects. Quizzes, mediation classes or simply just chatting. It has changed my life for the better.

      Reply
    • Rita Baker 22nd November 2021 at 7:08 am

      I know how that feels. You need to get out and meet people. I joined a group a community cafe where we do activities bingo and lunch club. Find something in your area you will meet new friends or try volentary work at a charity shop you will enjoy talking to people and meet new friends or go to church God bless Rita

      Reply
    • Lealea700 22nd November 2021 at 9:34 am

      I embrace my quiet time,tho single 60 yes I’m alone yes I have grown kids but I do find I’m forgotten about my feelings don’t matter to any one,but I’ve learned to cope n you will to .☺️

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    • Sandra 63 25th November 2021 at 8:14 pm

      Join your local library find out which activity groups you can join. Volunteer at a charity shop or something else that you maybe interested in. Regards finance visit your local citizen advice service they will guide you.

      Reply
    • 650cc dominator 2 2nd December 2021 at 9:59 pm

      Sorry to hear your problem. There’s loads of people out there that would be pleased to talk to you when your feeling low. Do you live in a big town. Or are you isolated

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    • ADE. 3rd December 2021 at 11:34 am

      Hi Karen, im new on here, but just wanna say i too have been solo for many years now, i have Anxiety and depression issues, and just this past year have been diagnosed with BPD ( border line personality disorder) i have got used to being solo, even tho i have family around me, sons and daughters, i find singing, and walks do break my time up, and help most of the time, but ya cant beat somone to chat too, thats the thing missing in my life, i wish you well, and hope you find your way out of your dilema. take care, keep smilin.

      Reply
    • Carol2651 3rd December 2021 at 11:41 am

      It’s hard ..but you get used to being alone..whatever reason..you get used to your own company..go out..have a coffee or tea..local supermarket cafe…always someone there..try speak to doctor see if they can help .see if there are groups on FB…so you can communicate with people…lm not sure if still do clubs for over 60 …my mom used to love it…just take a day at a time

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      • ADE. 7th December 2021 at 11:15 am

        there are groups on fb, but, you have to be careful, as some are set up to just take the mess out of us, so just be careful what ya say and who too. take care and keep smilin’

        Reply
    • tags 12th December 2021 at 10:30 am

      Maybe this is similar to when I retired, had looked forward to it then felt so empty, it took 2 years before l found my now happy place, do what l want when l want where l want. Stick in there u will get there

      Reply
    • Janemakescards 29th December 2021 at 8:38 am

      Hi, my name is Jane. I am 67 and lost my beloved husband of 38 years in September. I have two grown up daughters and we are all
      Struggling with our grief. We find it hard to comfort each other as we are all caught up in the same feelings . I have a terrible fear of the future and coming home to an empty house. My friends and my family are so good to me but that feeling of emptiness overwhelms all the time. I have a fear of bursting into tears in company and get very anxious in social situations.
      I have tried keeping busy by fundraising for the hospital who did everything and more to save my precious husband. I have also started making cards which I have found therapeutic. I am planning to join U3A and am directing a play at the local theatre in memory of John and to raise more money for the hospital. I find setting myself goals for each day can really help.
      For example walking round the park, sorting out a cupboard that is full of all those miscellaneous things that you rarely use but don’t throw away. Doing little things for friends who may be struggling with their own lives for different reasons.
      Never be afraid to pick up the phone or text. If anyone wants to connect for a chat please do get in touch. Love to you all out there who are negotiating that awful grief journey. Xxx

      Reply
    • JayMistry 29th December 2021 at 12:05 pm

      Hello Karen, same hear totally understand how you and what your going through. I have been on me own for the last 4.5 years. What I learnt was to keep my mind busy and body active. I am work from home full time and a part-time musician that keeps me busy during the some evenings and some weekends. I would suggest that you get involved in some activities outside the house. Karen, if you need a chat feel free to make contact. Be strong!

      Reply
    • Loopylynn 14th January 2022 at 4:31 pm

      Hi Karen, I’m also in my 60s and have recently separated from my husband of 20 years I lost my precious husband to cancer when the children were young it’s hard ld be happy to Chet if you’d like to get in touch Lynda

      Reply
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