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  • How do you manage loneliness

    For the first time in my life at 60 I am living on my own and finding it really difficult. I have a knot in my stomach all the time and just want to cry and hide in bed. My fear is I cant cope mentally or financially and not sure what help is there. Can someone help please. Karen

    Posted by karenjakes06
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    • Reply by anne.bridge1

      I’ve just joined this site and I empathise with so many of you. I too live alone, I’m divorced and my children are grown up and busy. I’m fortunate to have some very good friends but there are lots of times I feel lonely. I’m 60 and feel there are still lots of things to do, to share, to see. I’m thinking of trying a singles holiday when this covid is less worrying. Has anyone else tried anything like this?

    • Reply by pamelamartin

      I have been alone since my husband died in 2017 it has been Dutch a shock and I haven’t got my finances sorted. My youngest son is good and my eldest stopped seeing me when my husband died. I also have the worry of selling a house in France and I couldn’t express the worry with that! I am in the U3A drama group. What a laugh! I attend a Phylosophy group. I meet friends once a week and volunteer at a women’s centre. I feel if I have one thing to attend every day I am ok. It hurts to be alone and even if you have family you are alone! There are many people feel the same. Find them! Push yourself and if it doesn’t work don’t beat yourself up! Try again. Yes there will be bad times. Keep a dairy about the small things you are grateful for daily. A flower a kind word a lovely meal!Good luck🌸

      • Reply by christine.twigg

        Hi Pamela, sorry to hear about your husband and thank you for your honesty. My worst fear is losing my husband but I have no children so hope like you that my resilience and gratitude for what I do have will pull me through. You are an inspiration!

    • Reply by viv50hathaway

      Hi Karen,

      A lot of people will feel exactly the same as you, you aren’t on your own. All the advice from everyone is wonderful, such as getting outside and going for walks, knocking of the doors of people you know for a chat even in this socially distancing period. Then look up all the groups you could join if you wanted to, such as the University of the 3rd Age, Growing Old Disgracefully in Manchester (don’t know if its anywhere else) Community Groups, walking groups, etc. Although i’m 57 and still working, many of my friends are retired and are usually so busy getting involved with all the above, they just can’t fit it all in their day. They have made many friends who like doing similar things. I wish I was retired so I could join in too. The COVID virus won’t last forever and you might be able to chat on the groups forums to begin the process of knowing what they offer before you can meet up with them in person. I sometimes feel lonely too, as my son and daughter have left home and I am on my own now. Sometimes it’s hard to have to make the effort to go out or even ring someone, but I know once i’ve made the effort, it has definitely been worth it. So I wish you good luck and hope you can make things happen for you.

       

    • Reply by ambrh

      Hi, Karen.  I’ve went through a marriage breakup last year after 42 years, and felt like you do.  I wasn’t eating properly or sleeping.  I’ve always thought I was a strong person, but eventually I admitted that I needed to speak to my dr and for 8 months I took antidepressants.

      It’s difficult when life is restricted as now.  I would recommend that as soon as you are able you join a group to get back in touch with people.  My first move was to join a choir.  Again meeting people is hard at first, but things will get better. Hold onto that thought.

    • Reply by amc6419

      I identify with this, sometimes I feel I’m surrounded by couples 🙂 I do make a real effort to stay in touch with friends both near and far away and I read and keep up to date with new ideas. I still work full time but my plan is once CV19 subsides I will join a Ramblers group, & maybe U3A.  Hopefully this site will help us generate further ideas. Good advice about ‘being your own best friend’. I’m new to the site so this may not be possible but please know any one in this thread is welcome to message me if you ever feel the need to connect with someone.

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by amc6419.
    • Reply by siobhangregson

      Hello,

      i am also completely alone.  Before Corvus, I was in a woolly knitting group, ramblers group and Cotswold walking group, yoga and art group,

      now that there is nothing to go to safely, I make sure I go out for a walk every day in nature, the more you can be near trees and water, the better you will feel.

      if you have a garden, watching seeds grow into beautiful flowers or tasty salad or veg is so absorbing and satisfying and, if you have a glut, you can share or sell, even if you only have room for a few pots. I believe nature is our saviour for the time being. Be very kind to yourself, you deserve the best!

    • Reply by jowhite399.jw

      Hi I have found my self in a new situation which I am finding difficult.  My husband is only 57 and had an accident 3 years ago which has left him disabled.  Up until this covid crisis I was working 4 hours a day 3 times a week in health care but as my husband is in the vulnerable list I have not been able to work which means I havent had much contact with my friends . I occupy my self with crafts most of the time but my husband just watches telly . Does anyone no of any online courses he may be able to do to help him . Jo

    • Reply by vaughanpauline

      Hi Karen

      I relate to what you say. Last Autumn my marriage ended and I was alone for the first time in my life.

      Friends and relatives seemed to think I’d be ok. I had always been fairly independent and confident but I wasn’t. I was desperately lonely and all my confidence left me overnight.

      10 months later I still struggle and the silence is overwhelming at times.

      Silence is awful when you were once the centre of a bush family.

      You don’t explain how you have come to be alone but for me the cause was a huge unanswered problem gnawing away at me and the other party who had initiated the huge change in my life would not even speak to me let alone talk anything through so I could get some closure.

      I often wanted to cry and still do from time to time. I’ve found I have to let the tears out otherwise the loneliness gets worse.

      I also find that the radio helps, usually Radio 4, at least then the flat isn’t silent.

      Until Corvid grabbed me I went swimming each day which helped release some of the pain.

      I was lucky that a small group of good friends decided, without being asked, to help and we met up regularly ( again pre Corvid) they also keep in touch with me regularly for which I’m grateful but it’s not the same as having someone to come home to.

      I’ve also made new friends one via a website ( not dating , I couldn’t cope with that at this stage).

      I keep busy particularly I try to keep my brain busy with short oncon lineoline things I’m interested in, Open University and some councils are currently doing these for free.

      I hope some of what have said is helpful to you.loneliness is a terrible, invisible pain. I’m not sure if you can send a pm on this site but if you can and you want to contact me please do.

      My thoughts are with you

      Pauline x

      • Reply by k.wilson07

        Hi I comply understanding about the loneliness, im61 and feeling older by the day, I have never had lots of friends well not since I finished work,

        I really struggle with the missing adult company, and since covid it’s just been a thousand times worse.

        i see no one a quick chat with my elderly neighbors is the highlight of my day, I’m such a people person and having this loneliness hanging over me is dreadfull, I so want to have friends but at 61 it’s so difficult,

        I wish I had an idea how/where to gain friends but having a few health issues I’m clueless.

    • Reply by jennifermdelacy

      Hi this is my first post so I apologise in advance for any clumsiness with words.

      I found myself completely alone and lonely when my 40 year marriage ended and my two kids had left home, I was 57.

      I think my biggest mistake was dashing into trying to connect with others, via groups including Meets ups. Which are all great but not really for me. I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone leaving me distressed even more than I was.

      Since then I have pulled back from feeling I NEED to be sociable and looked my inwardly and into self improvement which has helped me gain confidence….perhaps now I am in a better place to be sociable but for now I am going to do it my way and become my own best friend first.

      • Reply by k.wilson07

        Well done you, love yourself first and do what makes you happy x

      • Reply by dabradleyred

        Well done, that is a massive step 😊

    • Reply by keithstewart

      Hi,

      Are you lonely. And alone. My mum was in some local groups, church etc.

      She always said – she is lonely but not alone. It is o.k. to be and feel lonely. The plan to change it is exciting.  Volunteer?  Start a group/coffee and chat with others locally? Check the church, council, community centres for groups. Online and real as we move out of lockdown. Plan trips for the future-buy tickets etc so you have stuff to look forward to. Friends around the country or world to see. Drop them a postcard, message, call and open contact. Invite them to you or visit them.Can you rent a spare room if you have one?

      Keith

    • Reply by otjiwarotji

      Oh Karen, I didn’t want to just read and run. I’m completely new to this community but I’m sure you’ll find lots of help. Please don’t despair, there are lots of other people in a similar situation who will be glad to support and listen. I have been feeling really lonely too. There is a LOT of help and I’m sure more experienced members will be able to help. hugs.

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