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Suzesue Posted 3 months ago
How can you tell genuine people , after 28 years being with someone, I now find it a bit of a minefield and lack confide
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2 likes & 39 replies
    • Jel03 24th October 2021 at 9:11 am

      Hi, I agree it can seem quite daunting when first trying to get back into the dating game, my advice is to just take your time and be honest about what you want, just be yourself and don’t try to fit into what someone wants you to be , good luck x

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    • GTR 24th October 2021 at 10:16 am

      It is hard, learning to trust again is even harder. I know exactly where your coming from.
      Just take your time no rush xx

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    • Keith D 24th October 2021 at 10:33 am

      I was married for over 25 years until my wifes death and have now been on my own several years longer. I trusted people and found that many of them were slimeballs and deceitful añd damaged by their experiences.
      Sadly to many its left them with a belief that all men are not nice and are bullies and etc
      Which is not true. My advice is to tread carefully and be wary of people of both sexes
      I wish you good luck

      I personally am no longer looking for a relationship, just friends 🤷 and company to possibly share interests?

      As i have been left disillusioned. Keith D

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      • Suzesue 24th October 2021 at 11:03 am

        Sorry to hear of your loss and that people have not been nice. Kindness costs nothing.

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        • Keith D 24th October 2021 at 1:40 pm

          Hi SueSue thanks for your kind words. My wifes died from Cancer like many of my other family members. She was age 45, as i was!!
          As you say kindness doesn’t cost anything .
          Thats partly why i have been doing some kind of voluntary work for over 30 years .without seeking any rewards, often the best rewards is when i see someone laugh loudly or smile with their otherwise sad 😞 eyes.
          May your guardian angel bless and watch over you mr chipps. Keith the poet

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      • Lunamoon 24th October 2021 at 5:23 pm

        Of course the world is not full of bad guys or gals but I like you have been left disillusioned confused and scared of even making new friends but I’m gonna give it a go what have we got to lose? Always here to chat if you want to take good care of yourself 😊

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        • Keith D 24th October 2021 at 5:30 pm

          Thanks .the same applies from me to you . I am just wanting to make new friends
          Often the problem can be the distance between each other. That stops people meeting for a coffee, laugh chill out , especially in bad weather?

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        • Lunamoon 24th October 2021 at 5:45 pm

          Yes that’s true but at least if you have a bored moment you can have a quick chat with someone and hopefully cheer each other up no harm there which county are you from?

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        • Keith D 24th October 2021 at 6:22 pm

          I live in South Yorkshire. Between Sheffield and Wakefield.

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        • Lunamoon 25th October 2021 at 7:24 am

          Lovely part of the country I live in Somerset also a beautiful part of the country. What do you do with your free time? I love walking in the hills and the beaches I’m pretty active even tho I recently had a huge back operation which luckily got me on my feet but have nerve damage which is very sore still but I count my blessings at least I can walk now.

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        • Keith D 25th October 2021 at 9:59 am

          Hi lunamoon Yes somerset is a beautiful part of the country, as is yorkshire, where i live. I have lived in other parts of the country and also Germany which my family and i loved.

          I hope that your back continues to improve and become less sore?
          I had back surgery over 30 years ago , but now I’m having physio every 4 weeks
          Mine was a accident at work. I get lots of leg and lower back pains
          Take care . I believe that your hubby may have left you became of his own insecurity or other reasons.
          But without knowing more all i can do is guess
          Sending a virtual friendship hug keith

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        • Keith D 25th October 2021 at 10:05 am

          I play the piano and create poetry i also sing in a choir or 2 as music is a big part of my life.
          I also like to ģo for walks and drives, but walking alone can be lonely.
          I do voluntary work for an nhs tŕust as a governor.
          Sadly because of covid19 i have cut back on socialising , but i meet a group of military veterans for a breakfast club on saturday mornings.
          Keith D

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        • Suzesue 24th October 2021 at 5:32 pm

          Ahh thank you. Having not had many relationships before my husband and then was with him 28yrs before he walked out last year I find it so hard to know how to be etc.
          Suzie

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        • Lunamoon 24th October 2021 at 5:48 pm

          I’m in a similar situation to you and haven’t got a clue where to begin with my new life I also lost my son and 3 very good friends in the last couple of years

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        • Suzesue 24th October 2021 at 5:58 pm

          Ahh really sorry for your loss, definitely take time for you x

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        • Keith D 24th October 2021 at 6:29 pm

          I’m here if any lonely and sad ladies want to chat. And if you feel low i may sing to you to cheer you up . Or even create a poem for you ladies . I understand that you maybe in emotional and physical pain 💔
          The other half is no longer in your physical circles
          My wife is no longer on earth , but with the angels. X
          Mr chipps the singing poet man x

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        • Lunamoon 25th October 2021 at 7:29 am

          My son also no longer with me he passed away a couple of years ago in deepest darkest Africa in the bush of two tropical diseases they couldn’t find him so I understand how you feel. I need to make new friends because also lost 3 friends to covid and cancer in the last year which has left me feeling lost hence wanting to make new friends

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    • Circle of Peace 24th October 2021 at 12:19 pm

      If someone is in a hurry to have your personal contact details to be wary. Never give until you are happy or even wait until you have met them. Meet in a place you know well. There are so many scammers on the different sites.

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    • Whitemusk1951 24th October 2021 at 3:46 pm

      Whitemusk
      I went on dating sites, after being married for 20 yrs, i did not have much luck at all, I agree it’s important to feel comfortable with yourself, after all we all change as life goes on, and it’s important to be who you are now not who you were the past and that takes time.

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    • Smileyday 24th October 2021 at 7:01 pm

      Firstly always trust your instincts.

      There seems to be a lot of engineers doing the rounds , they are often widows and have children . They say they are in a local area to where you are but If you ask about the area they supposedly live they won’t reply to that question because they aren’t even in this country. People on a dating site can put any area as being there home and it’s a way to get your attention. They also appear to be God fearing !! Seen it so many times in there profiles and alarm bells ring instantly. Ask lots of questions, Nothing wrong with showing an interest ( or being nosy doing your home work) good luck and have fun.

      Oh and if the first one doesn’t turn out how you thought keep going, you will get better and spot the warning signs.

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      • Suzesue 24th October 2021 at 7:04 pm

        Thank you 😊

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      • Lunamoon 25th October 2021 at 7:35 am

        Thanks for your advice I did join the dating site but realised it costs regularly so will just stay on this forum. I have heard to be careful there are always rats around watching for vulnerable people sad really but that’s life I guess at least we are old enough to realise and recognise the warning signs I think I’ll stick with making new friends for now at least.

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    • Christopher Leslie 24th October 2021 at 10:09 pm

      Don’t be in a rush. You need to work out who you are first. Take some time to discover yourself before deciding what or who you are looking for. Finding a genuine person is not nessarily a good thing. A murderer can be genuine too. Take time to get to know someone don’t rush into anything. Everybody has faults, so you need to discover those then decide if their fault are a deal breaker or not

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      • Suzesue 24th October 2021 at 10:13 pm

        Wise words, yes definitely need to rediscover myself, think Ive lost who I am somewhere along the way! Thank you

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    • WEST MIDLANDER 24th October 2021 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Suzesue,

      Trouble is that there are so many pretentious individuals out there. From my perspective as guy….I always hope to meet a woman that I can believe is a ‘believer’ in the basic fact that a relationship can never last unless it is based on truth, equality and humour. Of course, we all change somewhat over time (within our relationships), but those changes must always be discussed with our partner.

      But best of luck with your searches, Hopefully you will be very careful, as there are many people out there who may just want your body and not your mind. For me, falling in love with someone just for their body is superficial. I think true love has got to be an appreciation of the mind first, the body is always secondary. I’m certain that from mutual friendship, love is easier to understand. I am sorry this sounds a little weird to some of you, but then again I am just a guy who does not believe in love a first sight, I think it needs a second look.

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    • Sanden54 24th October 2021 at 11:57 pm

      Go with your gut feelings !!!
      I am also just looking for friendships .. you always take a chance with every new person you come across

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    • Fuff 25th October 2021 at 6:27 am

      I think you’re much braver than me. There are some lovely people out there. I would love to meet someone just for company but it would have to happen by chance. Not going looking for them 😊

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      • Suzesue 25th October 2021 at 6:30 am

        Trying to be brave but not actually doing anything about it!😁 but its good to hear people’s advice

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        • Keith D 27th October 2021 at 11:37 am

          SUE I THINK THAT JUST LIVING ON YOUE OWN AFTER COMING OUT OF A MARRIAGE OR FAILED RELATIONSHIP IS BRAVE AND WE LEARN TO PUT A BRAVE FACE ON AUTOMATICALLY. OR WE DONT SURVIVE? SADLY LIFE ON YOUE OWN CAN BE FRAUGHT WITH MANY PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN THINGS, SUCH AS MARRIED FRIENDS TURNING THEIR BACKS ON US, BECAUSE THEY MAYBE AFRIAD THAT WE COULD BE A THREAT TO THEM OR THEIR MARRIAGE, THE LIST IS ENDLESS?

          i am just looking for new friends, i live in yorkshire, we are coming up to what can be 1 of the most lonely times for us and that is Christmas. to help me cope i work as a Santa in a grotto and this helps me because i dont get time to worry, pus i usually am working with some great elves.
          this year i have been asked to be Santa at 3 events who are offering me some e form of payments , to cover my travel or food costs

          i personally get a lot out of it and it helps when i hear sad stories from parents or their relatives, this normally makes my own health issues irrelevant and my thoughts and future hopes go to the families

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    • vaughanpauline 25th October 2021 at 9:31 am

      Ive never joined a dating site and wont. One reason is i dont want a 24/7 relationship, losing the last one hurt too much.

      The other reason is i know a few people who have been conned online.

      Ive made making new friends my priority, mainly on here and via Silver Friends private Facebook group which i run. We vet people as much as we can before we let them into the group.

      We have a weekly zoom meet up and local and national real life events, so we are in a safe environment with others around us.

      We emphasise that we are not a dating group and so far we havent had any problems but we have made lots of friends. Maybe one day someone will meet the love of their life through the group but that isnt the aim.

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    • Forget-Me-Not 25th October 2021 at 11:16 am

      Hi Suzesue, in my experience it is good to be aware of the potential pitfalls. Sadly, there are many people who are not genuine on these sites. As someone else mentioned, a person can state that they live in any area and I came across a fair few who claimed to be professionals eg. engineers/project managers/doctors etc who stopped messaging when I probed a bit further into their locality or the company they worked for. It’s almost like they have a set template for their profile and you absolutely cannot take their profile photos as being genuine as I discovered some had “stolen” and used stranger’s images. I even discovered one guy had profiles on multiple sites using different photos and one where he had completely dyed his hair and beard on another. I consider myself pretty adept at spotting the fakes but that particular guy tried to scam me out of £65k after 3.5 months of what I would call grooming – chatting and speaking on the phone. I had a feeling it was coming though and called him out; the names he called me are unrepeatable. That was a real eye-opener and a wake-up call and triggered a decision to not venture on any dating sites again. I would say, exercise caution at all times, read up on ways to spot a fake profile and how to protect yourself from scammers. Maybe take time to find yourself first then common interest/local meet-up groups in your local area to dip your toe back into the water. Finally, although my experiences have been mostly negative I have also heard of lovely “happy-ending” stories which shows it’s not all doom and gloom out there.

      Reply
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