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Awpoorshazza Posted 4 months ago
Hi, looking for maybe a bit of advice, or what someone else has done in similar circumstances.

My parents have both died in the last few years. My sister haoved about 30 miles away, and my daughter has relocated to London, over 150 miles away. I have a job and a line manager I don’t get on with, although I love the firm I work for, but after years of doing this job, I feel it’s time to change. I’m doing a creative writing degree and volunteer in my local theatre and at a conversation cafe for refugees and asylum seekers to learn English. I live in a village with very poor transport links. I’ve got nothing holding me to my job or where I live but I don’t know what to do next! I could stay in my house and job, or change one of them. I could move closer to either my sister or daughter. I want to change careers. What’s the best way to work out what I want and where that should be! Has anyone been in a similar situation?

4 likes & 13 replies
    • Colin in Kent 23rd April 2022 at 4:41 pm

      Hello Shazza! I wish I could offer some constructive advice! It sounds to me as if you are at something of a crossroads. What’s important to you in life? Social or family connections? Not your home or job, by the sounds of it. What brings you the most pleasure or are you looking to change everything? It sounds as if you would like to go in a creative or artistic direction?

      • Trish734 24th April 2022 at 10:13 am

        At times like these (and I’ve had a few believe me) I found that the way to make major decisions is to sit quietly and visualise how you will want to FEEL in whatever decision you make. In your case how you’d feel staying where you are or in some place away from where you are.

        Take the following steps:
        1. How you want to feel
        2 what you want from it
        3. The outcome you would like.

        Write it down exactly, even the tiniest detail that comes to mind.

        I did this in a recent move. I wrote down exactly what I want. I did not visualise an actual place but what I wanted from where I was. Friends; walk in nice surroundings; a satisfactory purpose such as what type of job; transport; finance such as what it would cost.

        It’s best not to visualise a specific place, just what you would like from where ever you are.

        Once I’d done that I handed it over to a higher power, in my case The Universe. And bingo 90% of what I wanted fell into place very quickly.

        I hope this makes sense. Now I live in a wonderful place with friends, lovely surroundings etc. Even better than I wrote down.

        It may be helpful to write it as if it’s in the future. I wrote it and dated it for twelve months time, by imagining you are writing on the same date in twelve months from today. So I wrote it on May 28th 2020. But dated it May 28th 2021 as if in a diary and recording everything that had happened in the last twelve months. It was amazing to come accross it on that date and find what had happened and I felt just like I’d wanted too.

        By the way I am a qualified life coach just so you know a little bit of how and why I feel able to help

    • [email protected] 24th April 2022 at 10:07 am

      I think you should right down all the positive and negative of each scenario. Look at places near your sister or daughter , could you see yourself living there, what’s the community like. Do you need to work if so are there jobs there etc. but ultimately I think it will be your heart that will direct you where you will feel happiest. Hope you find your answers

    • Yorkshire Lass 24th April 2022 at 10:33 am

      I’m in a similar position. I’m preparing my house prior to putting it on the market but I’m doing it so slowly that I think my heart isn’t really in it. My daughter lives about 50 miles away in a small pretty town but which has poor transport links. I’d quite like to live there but as I’m in my early 70s I don’t know for how much longer I’ll be driving. The advantages to where she lives is that there is a strong sense of community whereas where I live now, in a larger town, there is none. I like the advice given by others. The only advice I’ve given myself is to wait and see if anything happens to make the decision easier. But, then again, procrastination is my new middle name!

    • Dorothea 24th April 2022 at 12:58 pm

      I would think about you want, but also how much certain things matter eg what happens if you move near your daughter but then she wants to move at some point? You need to build a lifefor for yourself that will stand independently.

      • Awpoorshazza 24th April 2022 at 1:00 pm

        Good point, thank you. Hadn’t thought about that!

        • Dorothea 24th April 2022 at 8:02 pm

          Another thought The one thing you state categorically is “I want another career”.
          So, start from there.
          What, where, when and why?
          What do you want to do? (Is it related to your current interests)
          Where could you do this career? (Do you want/ need to move a long way to do it or could you do it locally)
          When could you do it? (eg after your course?)
          Why do you want to do this?
          ( Some might say this comes first, but if you leave it to the end, you focus on what you are heading towards, not what you are leaving behind)
          And then, of course, there’s another question?
          If you’ve answered the other questions, you should have some pointers e g you want x career in y months time but want to stay localish, but you might benefit from being in a town with better transport and social opportunities, so house hunting looks a good bet.

    • Liddy 24th April 2022 at 1:21 pm

      Oh your situation is so much like mine. I have a new relationship and decided to downsize and move nearer to him. My children are very anti my action but my daughter lives in Bristol and son 25 miles away so l sat down and looked at pros and cons. Looked at what l would like and decided to move so have spent ghe last 7 months making friends and joining local groups in the area l am moving to.
      Wish you luck with your decision

      • Mo22 25th April 2022 at 12:18 am

        Your children are adults. They have their own life now. You don’t seem to be rushing into anything. All the best with your new relationship. Sending good wishes for the future. Xx

        • Liddy 25th April 2022 at 9:16 am

          Thank you l think getting to know the area has really helped and support from new friends made the decision easier

    • Dee65 24th April 2022 at 5:55 pm

      I see the loss of your parents as something that has instilled the need to change for you @Awpoorshazza as sometimes certain milestones relating to age can also make you desire changes. I also think that your sister moving and your daughter has upset things for you and you may be feeling a little isolated of late, but you need to think about what will make you happy. A move to be nearer either your sister or daughter may not be as fulfilling as the life you seem to have made for yourself. Your volunteer work would also change if you moved. On the other hand there are always other volunteer jobs wherever you move and other careers that you could follow. I wonder whether a list of all the plusses and minuses of moving/changing career might help you to come to a decision, either way if you aren’t sure at the moment maybe wait a while and see how you feel before you come to any life changing decisions. Are you studying with the Open University by any chance, as that is something that you can continue if distance learning wherever you live. Good luck with your studies.