Home Forums Family & Relationships Hi anyone else find it difficult to find friends?

Us Posted 2 years ago
Hi anyone else find it difficult to find friends?

 

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    • Nina1204 10th October 2020 at 10:36 pm

      Friends, yes without a doubt! I’m quite good at acquaintances though. I’ve always been a little bit shy but with a quirky sense of humour I always feel like people think I’m weird.

       

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      • AnnieMG 21st October 2020 at 12:51 pm

        Weird is a plus tho, I can only relate to others who are weird being pretty odd myself.

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        • Nina1204 21st October 2020 at 2:50 pm

          I tend to worry that I’m too weird but my best friends embrace my nuttiness ❤️

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        • Rae 22nd October 2020 at 10:15 am

          Me too Nina!!

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        • Nina1204 22nd October 2020 at 10:35 am

          It would be some much easier if I could get over that initial sense of inferiority that I have and just be my little bit bonkers self earlier. I really think that if I was more confident in who I was I could just jump and be me from the get go. I know people like me, I just find the bonding part difficult.

           

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        • CAlexM 24th October 2020 at 7:36 pm

          Weird, nutty, bonkers… all good! If you can turn something on its head and laugh at it (including yourself) such a positive trait. Some people are so flat, dull & take life (and themselves) far too seriously! Life can be miserable, there’s so much hardship, cruelty & sadness. It’s good to smile and laugh with people. Balances it out a little! 🙂

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        • Lainey 18th November 2020 at 11:24 pm

          Hi Everyone,

          I have had friends in the past and known some for a long time only to be really hurt by them.

          I love a good natter and a laugh and love good conversation. I have been told I am a good listener. I have had many people say ‘oh I will keep in touch’ but they never do. I know people who seem to be inundated with ‘friends’ . I have even had 2 people say to me over the years ‘ oh have you got friends’ in reply to my saying I was meeting up with people. I grew up being the one that was left out at school, left out at uni and at some work places. I could never work it out and now I have stopped trying to work people out. I smile and laugh every day. I embrace me for me. It would be nice to just have some special friends who want to meet up for a drink (when we can) . Like others here I have been better with the ‘acquaintances ‘ than friends. It’s good to be a ‘nutter’ it’s part of what makes you you. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Why should would all be expected to be clones ? I like individuality.

           

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        • Deleted User 6th December 2020 at 6:12 pm

          Me too! Weird is good sometimes? 😊

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      • LadyS 31st October 2020 at 10:16 pm

        Friendships can be difficult  to maintain especially at the moment.

        Its worth persevering if you find someone who shares your values.

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      • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:07 pm

        You sound just like me , Nina!! My twin, haha!

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    • Pam-WH 12th October 2020 at 11:55 am

      I do too, having moved to a new area several years ago I find being older people already have formed their ‘good friend’ groups and its difficult to break into those.

      Also having very little free time I feel I probably let a lot of friends down as Im rarely available.

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    • DebzO’R 13th October 2020 at 11:37 pm

      Hi I lived abroad for a few years and moved around a lot before that so also find it difficult. Like you Nina good at acquaintances. I’m on the move again soon so don’t really help myself, but going to join a few clubs and classes once moved so hopefully that will make it easier, as not done that before.

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      • Us 18th October 2020 at 11:14 am

        please read above

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      • Nina1204 22nd October 2020 at 10:49 am

        Joining in is definitely the way to go. I needed to lose weight when I moved to my current area and I met some lovely people through the slimming group I joined – mutual interests you see, we all liked our food and we all liked losing weight.

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    • kjmarriott 17th October 2020 at 8:32 am

      Hi yes i find it hard to make friends i can be a little shy and everyone seems to have their own friends it is hard.

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      • Us 18th October 2020 at 11:12 am

        I’m actually amazed that anyone replied to me! Thank you! it means a lot….you generally feel unimportant when you don’t have any friends to call upon.

        I am in Wiltshire and I wanted to join groups etc but Covid has stopped that!

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        • kjmarriott 18th October 2020 at 5:48 pm

          Thats ok Covid does stop a lot of things, but you will eventually be able to join groups.

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        • Deleted User 6th December 2020 at 6:10 pm

          It’s so difficult isn’t it to meet people with all the restrictions. I went through a horrible divorce while in isolation and that made everything so much worse. It’s one thing going thru a divorce but another with no company or friends to help you thru it. I lost my so called friends when I split up with my ex Husband so it was doubly hard. Now things are better personally I can only hope I meet some decent, true friends in the future. It is so much harder when you are older too don’t you 🤔 think?

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        • T2 7th December 2020 at 11:04 am

          Exactly my position. Again, divorced in the middle of the pandemic, having to look for a place to live with the very little money (not even half of what I should have had) to buy a place so far away that I had to leave even a good job, all my friends -still being his- and my child (18 now, decided to stay, my new place is in the middle of nowhere). So no friends, no job, no partner, no knowledge of agriculture or how to keep pigs, for example, I was always a office girl. The interviews I’ve had the employers thought I was younger. Nothing said but I can read body language as I was once upon a time the one giving the interview. Hope for the vaccine to work and let us go out soon and mingle 🙂

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        • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:14 pm

          I agree Sue. My ex husband did a lot to damage my friendships when we broke up about 21 years ago despite the fact that I had known many people before I met him. And what shocked me was that some people actually avoided me despite knowing how awful he was! However, it is getting back to meeting people that are decent again and I was always very sociable . However, I agree it is harder as we get older, I joined a meetup group and it is a mixed bag. I made “friends”with some of the ladies but found many were insecure so not very loyal . No luck with dating site at all .I do prefer meeting a small group or one to one’s but again , so hard in lock down now. I am hoping that when things resume to a normal state , that we can form some local groups on here and meet face to face. It takes time to make good friends but who knows who is out there ?

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      • Somethingshort 19th November 2020 at 7:35 am

        Shy people are lovely and have their place. I have a friend, Tina who considers herself to be shy. She isn’t shy, she is just very quiet.  I call her Tiny Tina but she is extra large and extra special. She is the most loyal friend I have ever known and I have known her for years now. Unfortunately now, we live miles apart, but we exchange letters (yep, in this day and age, we do) and Tiny Tina speaks volumes in her letters.

        I find letter writing cathartic at this time – I wish the Post Office would have a special priced letter writing stamp – and it is a way of keeping in touch with people who perhaps don’t use technology or are older. We all know the thrill of receiving a letter. Something we can pop in our pocket and pull out later, mull over…..

        Does anybody else still write letters?

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        • T2 19th November 2020 at 12:49 pm

          I do write letters even when I can use WhatsApp or other applications. My friends love receiving letters from me, even my 18 years old daughter, as she decided to stay with her dad (I’ve moved to a very quiet village, too boring for her). She loves that even if we are on the phone many days. I think we should bring back the joy of writing and receiving letters. And reading.

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        • kjmarriott 3rd December 2020 at 5:48 pm

          Hi yes i do still write letter but the postage is quite expensive now. Thanks for your comments, i am quiet with people until i get used to them and feel comfortable in their company. Letters are a great way to keep in touch with people, prefer that to social media, although i am on facebook but do not really post much.

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        • Josie The Black Country Wench 6th February 2021 at 9:56 am

          Not been on Restless for long and was browsing through groups today. Your reply about letter writing caught my eye. I love to write letters to my very good friend who lives miles away. When I moved we thought we would drift apart but our weekly letters keep us connected. Especially now during the 3rd lockdown here in Wales.

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        • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:16 pm

          Yes, I just started again with some relatives that I discovered in Devon!! But I must say, the computer is my usual response, either Facebook , messenger, Whats App or on here now

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    • Deleted User 18th October 2020 at 12:23 pm

      Not very helpful advice at the moment, but I have made good friends on solo holidays and we have subsequently had other holidays together.  There are usually a real mixture of characters and I’m sure you’d make friends from sharing exciting experiences.

      I’ve also made friends locally through volunteering (RDA) which enables you to be part of a team and can lead to friendships.

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      • T2 21st October 2020 at 10:19 am

        Thank you. I was thinking about finding a holidays company for single/ solo people. I’ll have a look at their webside

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    • Bobbysgirl 19th October 2020 at 5:35 pm

      Yes I do
      find it hard to make new friends and with everything else that is going on it’s more difficult

       

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    • Cara 21st October 2020 at 8:22 am

      There is an organisation called Meetup. I joined my local one 4 years ago and made some fantastic friends. Check out ones in your area for groups which may interest you. Ours regularly organise meals out, concerts, walks, pub quizzes. We also have a book Club and photography group. Almost 200 members and growing.

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      • T2 21st October 2020 at 10:37 am

        I joined. No near people near me but they still want my money just to look for “possible” friends. It looks like one of those “find your love” websites.

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        • Cara 21st October 2020 at 1:31 pm

          I’m sorry you have not had a good experience of Meetup. Our group states it is not a dating site and we made the decision not to charge our annual fee this year (usually £10 per year) as we have been limited as to the events we can do. Most have been online. Perhaps you could start your own group?

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        • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:32 pm

          My meetup group is all ladies but I occasionally have been on one group for walks . They are mixed but it is certainly not a dating site but I agree some of the venues and places can be a bit far to go which puts me off though many are happy to travel a long way

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    • T2 21st October 2020 at 10:34 am

      I am very friendly, outgoing person, like people, always helping to those in need or to my colleagues, making sure they have a good laugh at work. Still, nobody allowed me to join their friendship group.

      I’ve never had issues finding friends in Spain. I’m 23 years in this country and in all this time, not a single person wanted to be my friend. In London, I had friends (always non-English), but as soon as I move to Surrey and now, after my divorced, to Suffolk, I find that people are very friendly but vey “suspicious” -if I may use that word-, about letting anybody into their friendship group. I have lovely and friendly neighbours, but that’s all I hope for. I ask for any friendly group I could join through the village neighbours website and no a single response. I always thought that it was because I’m a foreigner, but I can see that even English People have issues finding friendship. Don’t you think that you should copy, not only the Mediterranean diet, but also their attitude when welcoming people? Just a thought.

       

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      • Somethingshort 19th November 2020 at 7:06 am

        Wherever you live in the world……there will be a different culture with different ways of socialising and interracting. People may or may not be interested to meet up with you for whatever reason. Have the confidence to know that you are “okay and unique”. Put any prejudices/judgements out of the front door. Open up. Keep up the warmth, keep on socialising, keep on being friendly and somewhere, someday, someone with you will click. Not everybody ticks all your boxes, so it’s nice to have different friends for different things.

        People are the most interesting things on this planet – but I could never eat a whole one! (Love that saying)

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      • Us 7th December 2020 at 8:38 am

        I totally agree with your post and can relate to it myself. We have been to the med and YES they are friendly and welcome people more, they do not have that suspicion.
        We have had ‘friends’ that have suddenly turned their back on us, WHY??? We have absolutely no idea and when we asked them, they could not say why!!! It’s sad people do this, we all need each other 😕

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        • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:37 pm

          I have noticed the same thing especially with neighbours and some people I have encountered. They seem really friendly then suddenly try t avoid you and not say anything. My neighbours on 2 sides have done this , no idea why , I have always been friendly and not pushy , yet they have this strange way of avoiding me at any point . I actually asked one lady who kept walking away when she saw me in the summer if I had upset her and she said “I have a lot on my mind” Well fine, but not my fault and no apology and she could clearly talk to other people!! So now I completely blank them , pointless trying to be friendly but it’s horrible if you are on your own and get this sort of response form neighbours

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    • hmdewhirst 21st October 2020 at 1:21 pm

      I moved to my current town 2 yrs ago, as a singleton aged 58.  It’s not been easy to make close friends, though as other members say, I have friendly acquaintances.  Some of these have come through volunteering, though sadly that’s currently restricted by covid.  My best source of new friends has been through joining the local Women’s Institute (that obvs only works if you’re female and I didn’t notice the gender of the original poster!).  I’m also a member of a Book Club, again currently acquaintances rather than close friends and also suspended due to covid, but the group has the potential I think to develop closer friendships.  I think it’s important to do things that you enjoy and hope that friendships develop as a bonus from that.  eg if you like walking, try a local rambling group, or if you like knitting, there may be a local knit and natter group –  that sort of thing.  I play (very badly at present) a violin and, once covid lifts, am looking at the possibility of joining a nearby community orchestra.  Hope this is of some help.

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      • Us 7th December 2020 at 8:33 am

        As the original poster…I am in 50s female 🙂

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      • Us 30th January 2021 at 10:18 am

        Hi….I am female and have often thought of the women’s institute as I used to shop at our local one when my girls were growing up. I have also tried a few groups and I see everyone bond with someone and I am left out of it- I suppose I really don’t know why? Have I got ‘leave me out of the group’ written on my forehead?? 🤷‍♀️

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    • Rae 22nd October 2020 at 5:10 pm

      Someone above said that they can do the acquaintance thing easily.  I can too, but how do you know if people really want to be friends, or are just putting up with you, that is my problem.  I have an inferiority complex, so I can be crazy and outgoing (and weird) so that people think I am very confident!!  I heard something on Radio 4 about being extroverted as well as introverted.

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      • Nina1204 24th October 2020 at 9:10 pm

        This is me in a nutshell x

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        • Franny 30th October 2020 at 4:57 pm

          It’s me too Nina and Rae.  I guess it’s a case of being honest without being desperate.  I think I heard the Radio 4 thing about extroverts and introverts too, it was fascinating although I’ve forgotten what was said now.  I’d love to make new good friends but I’m not desperate to make new “bad” ones.

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        • Somethingshort 19th November 2020 at 7:06 am

          I like nuts.

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      • Josie The Black Country Wench 6th February 2021 at 10:07 am

        It is me too. People are often put off by my so called weirdness. But I like to think of myself has unique. I am quiet but love to chat, not too social but like to do things with one or too people. I used to be an actress. Great place to hide. When tested I come out as an introverted extrovert. My best friend and I met at work in a living musum. We are both Pisceans. I have a partner who is a happy introvert, loves his own company. Jo

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    • Joe 24th October 2020 at 2:52 pm

      Yes I find it hard to make new friends, I think as you get older you get set in your ways and find it difficult to break into a new friends group. I envy those guys that have a group of close friends that they can just call on when needed. I myself have a couple of good friends that I’ve known since school but live in different parts of the country but no one locally that I could just pop out for a drink with.

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      • Sue 24th October 2020 at 8:21 pm

        Hi Jo I know what you mean. When  my husband had his stroke all our friends!,,,,,,disappeared and as I was kind of on my own (my husband can’t do a lot now) I had to get out there and find some company. What do you like doing? I enjoy walking so I looked for a local group and i’v never looked back I have made friends and we socialise as well as walk. The group I joined have clubs up and down the country as well as abroad.

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      • Franny 30th October 2020 at 4:46 pm

        I know exactly what you mean Joe.  In some ways it’s easier to join a group to find friends because the pressure is off you as an individual but in other ways it’s easier to join a group via someone you know.  Hey ho – such is life.  Maybe we 50+ers should invent a time machine and go back to our 20s, knowing what we now know.  Wouldn’t that be marvellous?  If I’d been able to predict my current circumstances 30 years ago I’d certainly have made different choices!

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      • Us 30th January 2021 at 10:14 am

        Yes we know that feeling well! Which part of the country are you?

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    • Chrisp 25th October 2020 at 11:37 am

      Just joined, no difficulty keeping friends but these times are difficult so I’m just testing the water so to speak!

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    • Somethingshort 2nd November 2020 at 7:15 am

      Judging by the response, it affects a lot of us. Particularly as we get older. Why can’t we make friends more easily? Do we close down our spontaneity systems? Do we get set in our ways? Some people wear the tee-shirt that says “Don’t speak to me”. they are a challenge, those people.  Most of us enjoy interaction of some kind with others. We can have dozens of acquaintances but not many friends. I can count my good friends on my one hand, but they all live so far away. They say that to have a friend you have to have at least 200 hours of interaction. To have a friend you have to be one. Non judgemental…….sense of humour…..honesty…what are the qualities you like in a friend? I merely collect people……usually at bus-stops. I’ll tell you my most intimate secret on a bench, but you will never get to hear part two.

       

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      • Josie The Black Country Wench 6th February 2021 at 10:13 am

        Hi somethingshort nice to meet a fellow intimate secret sharer. I find myself doing this all the time. Chatting away to strangers on benches. They as you say never get to hear part two. Just done this in hospital with two people I know I will never see again. Jo

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      • Marica 7th February 2021 at 12:49 pm

        Hi, interesting reading about how much herder it is to make friends and I think I know why. I think we have experience behind us. We may be more relaxed about talking to people but also we have all been though that situation of having friends let you down, be disloyal, turn their backs on you in times of need etc. I have a few friends but dropped 2 ladies last year , one of whom I realised upset me ever time she tactlessly opened her mouth. She was supposed to be a very close friend and we got on fine for the first few years until another awful lady stalked her and they became very close and she changed so much. Her loyalties had changed and a couple of other friends said how badly she had treated me . Luckily she wrote something I could not forgive near last Xmas so it was an easy exit for me at the end of last year from the friendship but needless to say , there is a hole now for someone close in many ways. But better to be on ones own that in friendship that has issues. However, this was my point, we don;t want to put up with shite from another person so it may take longer to trust someone

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        • The Animal Lady 7th February 2021 at 7:49 pm

          I think we all have our own baggage to carry around with us, and many of us have been badly hurt by a person pretending to be a true friend, so we become cautious. I don’t want lots of acquaintances in my life, it feels shallow to me, I want people I can truly depend on who will be loyal and genuinely care about me, because that is how I treat a friend. I have had a career all my life and unfortunately, that mean’t that all my time went into my work. The friends I did have quite rightly fell away because I was hardly ever available. Now I am retired, I realise what an island existence I have. I have a lovely husband and two beautiful furry persons, but that is it. If anything happens to my husband, I am alone.

          It doesn’t help that I am shy, and so tend to stay quiet unless I have something useful to say. I love animals, architecture, the countryside, but most of all I like to sit and talk with someone I relate to with a cup of tea.

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        • Marica 7th February 2021 at 8:15 pm

          It is a shame a few of us cannot get together as we all understand this situation

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    • TC Pyke 19th November 2020 at 1:02 pm

      I think it is difficult to find friends. I relocated from Hong Kong to Reading a few years ago. Met two friendly parent from my son’s school during the welcoming event when he joined the school, contact occasionally as our boys are not really friends with each other.  That’s the only friends i got locally and in UK.

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    • Officeboy 7th December 2020 at 12:54 am

      Yes i suddenly gone from 5 to zero friends in last five years.its so difficult

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    • Kazzy62 7th December 2020 at 1:08 am

      Yes sometimes it hard to make new friends especially ones that got the same interests as yourself .

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    • VFP 7th February 2021 at 12:22 pm

      I changed countries a few times in my life, and had to find new friends along the way. I used to find this difficult, but mostly because I was frightened of people. Once I worked out that most people are actually rather nice, it became much easier. I have lost friendships and this has been very painful and confusing, but I have made new ones, and my oldest friend from back home (Canada) has been my best friend for over 50 years.

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      • Marica 7th February 2021 at 8:19 pm

        You have had an interesting life, Viv, with all that travelling and it’s a shame that your best friend is so far away but you no doubt have zoom or facetime to chat to her. I think you are right in thinking of people as generally being nice but I used to always look for the good in all people and ignore the bad stuff which caused me a lot of grief so I learned it is getting the balance right now . Gut feeling is a wonderful thing , something I ignored before

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    • VFP 7th February 2021 at 9:32 pm

      We are all so complex that finding people we connect with at a deeper lever is not easy. It takes time to understand another person, to learn about and accept their foibles and weaknesses as we hope they accept ours. As I grow older, I do grow wiser and so I know where to draw the line when I feel I’m being taken advantage of or disrespected. I also choose the people I spend time with carefully, because my time is precious to me. And I give my heart to those I care about, which makes me vulnerable, but life has made me strong enough to cope with that.

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    • Deleted User 9th February 2021 at 9:22 am

      Hi everyone a lady on here is running an online coffee morning which I have now joined. Its ladies over 50 mainly and its lovely to chat to people all over the UK. We have a good laugh and I really look forward to the morning just to talk to like minded people and actually see people it’s like they are there with you! If you’d like to join in please pm me with your email address and I’ll give you more details? 😊

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