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  • Hi an interesting site. Looking to connect with anyone recently widowed in 2020/2021 in their 50s. Am not looking to date, which is the assumption by everyone and every website ‘advice’ just keen to reach out for a shared experience. Thanks

    Posted by 55notout
    • Reply by NeilP

      I lost me wife in 2018.

    • Reply by TigerShaun

      Hello, I lost my wife to cancer last month.

      • Reply by Amy

        Sorry for ur loss .I lost my husband to cancer in aug 2020 it’s such a cruel diease

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Thank you. It has been very difficult and made worse by the lockdown periods. I am so glad I have my children to talk to, and they helped a lot at the final stages of illness. My daughter is due to give birth any day so this is something positive to look forward to. I wish you well in your situation

        • Reply by Amy

          I’m hear if u would like to chat anytime I know how u feel that’s good u have the children and a grand child on the way is lovely

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Thank you. I see you live in Bangor. North Wales is/was our favourite place to visit. We lived near Prestatyn for 4 years and went as often as we could to catch up with friends there. Our last trip was about 2 years back and had a wonderful day at Conwy and Penmaenmawr. I’ll make the journey agin when all the restrictions are lifted, as I live in Derbyshire now.

        • Reply by Amy

          Sorry I live in bangor northern ireland .that would be nice for u to visit Wales again u will have all ur memories and it would give u something to look forward to after this dreaded lockdown it makes things very difficult .I’m lucky our son has stayed with me from his dad passed or I’d be lost

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Sorry I forgot there were 2 places with that name. It is good news about your son. My 3 daughters have their own homes and family, but my son lives in a house share. The plan is for him to move in like your situation. It won’t be for a while as his workplace has had a number of Covid outbreaks.

        • Reply by Amy

          No problem it’s easy done .I find it helps if there is someone 8n the house with me .that will be good when ur son moves in with u its company otherwise it would be me and tigger my cat hes been my comfort hardly leaves my side. Hopefully this covid will be over soon it seems to make things worse .I look after my aunt shes 94 in july with heart failure so it keeps me busy other wise 8v to much time to think I miss my hubby so much I’m sure ur same miss ur wife .

        • Reply by Amy

          How are u

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Thanks for asking. It hasn’t been a good week. My wife’s funeral was on 31/01 and we had an alert on the track & trace that someone who had been at the service has tested positive for Covid. It means we all have to isolate which meant I’ve had to stay at home and not go for walks etc. It also meant I could only speak with the family over the phone. I also had to cancel my vaccination on Tuesday for same reason (I have leukaemia). This was very disappointing as it felt like is was a step forward in getting out of shielding. Sorry state of affairs when the highlight of the week is a jab in the arm.
          I kept myself busy for the first couple of weeks after Julie’s death doing the admin stuff. This is done now and I’m back at work now but it’s very slow. It leaves a lot of time rattling around the house on my own. I’ve been reading some literature on grief which which explains the usual emotions and feelings you go through. I’ve ticked most of them off, but I suppose it’s something we have to go through.
          On the positive side, I can go outside Tuesday, and my new jab appointment is on Sunday. My daughter is due to give birth this week so I’m twitching every time my phone goes. I’m on babysitting duty when they go in.
          How are things with you?

        • Reply by Northern lass

          Any news about the baby ?

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Not yet, but he’s due this week

        • Reply by Northern lass

          Good luck 🤞

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Just to finish the story, Max was born about 3 this morning weighing 8lb 6oz. Both mum and baby are doing well, and I hope to meet him in the next couple of days

        • Reply by Northern lass

          Congratulations Grandad, that’s a good weight. Glad to hear mother and baby are both well 🥂

        • Reply by Andy Paddles

          It’s a boy! Congratulations.

        • Reply by Amy

          Oh dear that’s awful shielding is no fun either this covid is awful .yea theres so many sides to grief iv been angry emotional and all the rest I’m sure as u say ur the same .people say it takes time I’m medically retired was auxillary nurse so it’s hard to get my day in .iv done the house up all admin etc that’s the worst contracting people re policy etc all 9n go slow .its great u have a grand child to look forward to it will help take ur mind of stuff
          I find if u keep busy u dont have time to think .hows ur family holding up
          My son is very quite on it which worries me .when he had a drink he said he promised dad he would look after me he said I’m too quite also if I talk about my hubby I still cry I’m sure ur the same unless u are in this situation u dont know how it feels we were 38 together from I was 17

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          We were together for a similar time. We met in 1983, got married in 1985.

        • Reply by Amy

          Such a long time to be together then we are left on our own this group helps as we are all in the same situation keep talking it helps not

        • Reply by Hellybells

          Life is cruel at times I’m sorry for your loss its the worst feeling when others die you are sad but when it’s your life partner your whole life changes you have to learn how to live all over again its torture but you have a new addition to look forward too and he will have been in your wives arms already I am sure good luck x

        • Reply by TigerShaun

          Thank you, and yes it is great to have the new baby coming along. It’s very sad my wife won’t meet him, but she loved all the occasions when we could spend time with the 2 little girls we have already.

        • Reply by Hellybells

          It’s at all those important moments that you miss them most x

        • Reply by Amy

          So true I still talk to his photo

        • Reply by Amy Silverston

          May I recommend a book in relation to the new grandchild: ‘educating and entertaining your preschool child’ published by Usborne. Now out of print but available second-hand on Amazon. It goes through what a child can do at any stage and what it will find amusing or interesting. At first it goes week/month by month, making it really useful for grandparents wanting to give the baby something it will like sooner it gets it.

          Even better, rather than say ‘by this’ it tells you how to make something or what to use in the kitchen. I made my babies that were just about sitting their favourite toy from one of those 5 litre mineral water bottles with a handle, putting a couple of bells from a pet shop and a couple of marbles in the bottle before sealing it shut with strong tape. They could hold the handle and, because the bottle was so light, shake it up and down making a very satisfactory noise. I gave one to a friend one Christmas whose child abandoned all other toys in favour of the empty mineral water bottle.

          A friend who was in charge of all the children’s centres in his county put a copy in every centre as inspiration for the people working there.

        • Reply by Debs-B

          My partner passed away suddenly last April. I can’t believe it’s coming up for a year ago. In some ways the time has flown by with general preoccupation with Brexit and Covid and all of us having to change our lives. Not sure how the experience would have altered if it weren’t for the lockdowns. I still think of him every day, the the raw heartbreak of those early months does start to ease….eventually.

        • Reply by Northern lass

          Any news on the baby ?

    • Reply by Amy

      Hi my name is amy I lost my husband to cancer in aug 2020 I’m interested in making friends and shareing experience s I’m over 50

      • Reply by Hellybells

        Hi Amy I am sorry for your loss it is so hard learning to live again when your life partner dies. I see you live in Northern Ireland my sister stayed in Coleraine when I was growing up and I spent every school holiday over there I love it still have family and friends there and brought the new year in there a few years ago x

        • Reply by Amy

          Hi yes I’m from outside belfast my aunt used to live in coleraine sorry about ur loss to as u say it’s trying to carry 9n without them isnt it x

        • Reply by Hellybells

          Yeah it’s hard life goes on and it’s a struggle to keep up especially in the early days which you unfortunately are in atm keep your chin up x

        • Reply by Amy

          Yes your right but it’s so difficult smiling all the time saying ur fine when u feel like crying x most of friends havent bothered with me only I decent 1 and shes just in a new relation ship so hary c her x how are u doing

    • Reply by Anonymous User

      Lost the love of my life 5 weeks ago. Only us that have lost understand the devastation x

      • Reply by Amy

        So true sending u a hug

      • Reply by Northern lass

        Sending virtual hugs xx

      • Reply by Hellybells

        So sorry to hear this it’s total torture at first and hard to come to terms with it changes your life hold onto all your good memories that will be the one thing to get you through x

    • Reply by Hellybells

      I lost my husband suddenly 5 years ago next Monday live at home with my wee dog Pippa. Work in an additional support needs nursery which keeps me busy. Lock down has been hard for me on my own but hopefully it will be over soon

      • Reply by Amy

        Sorry for ur loss
        Yes lockdown makes everything worse

        • Reply by Hellybells

          It sure does too much time to think x

    • Reply by Northern lass

      I sadly lost my husband to a sudden heart attack 6/9/20. I find this virtual connection helps me feel less isolated

      • Reply by Amy

        Yes me to it helps to talk

      • Reply by Hellybells

        So sorry for your loss my husbands death was sudden too so hard to get your head round although looking back now I’m glad it was this way as I have had to watch too many of my family suffer throughout the years and I don’t think I could’ve coped watching him suffer like that but not getting to say goodbye still hurts he will have been dead 5 years on the 8th of February keep your chin up and hold onto all your wonderful memories x

    • Reply by Amy

      Sorry for youross I was widowed in aug I too am in my 50 s her if u would like a chat amy

    • Reply by Amy

      I’m widowed also 55 mother of 2 sons I doesn’t bother with us if u fancy a chat I’m here amy

    • Reply by Paula’splace

      I was widowed in 2017 at 58 after 36. years of marriage. Grief is such a terrible thing, my first observation the day after he died was how everything was still going on as normal around me, the news on the Tv and the postman. I am feeling so much for those of you who had to deal with this in lockdown an added strain.
      One of my uncles died last September and we couldn’t go to the funeral so not being there to say my goodbyes I still feel like he hasn’t gone.
      I found the changes of moods, good days, ok days, really bad days.
      Feeling so so sad and then really angry, so tiring. you feel like. you are going out of your mind. The heartache of missing them. real pain and sometimes fear too.
      How people react, some avoid you, some irritate and won’t leave you alone. Others say stupid things like my pet hate ‘ Time is a great healer’
      I still had two of my sons living at home so I had to be strong and ok for them.
      Life is obviously never the same, and mine is divided into with and without him.
      It gets easier with time. I think one of the worst things I observed was our married friends, stopped inviting me as I was no longer part of a couple. Also, one who was concerned when her husband came over to check on me. I had to re-assure her I had no interest in husband when mine was alive and without being rude can assure you that is still the case.
      I suppose people don’t know what to say for the best, Are you Ok? If there is anything I can do. My husband was in an incredible amount of pain so I take comfort knowing he is free from it all now.

      • Reply by 55notout

        Thank you. Keeping on keeping on at the moment. I recognise all that you say. Where do you live. Im in Northamptonshire?

    • Reply by PaulM

      Hi really sorry for your loss. My wife died from cancer after a short illness last April. It has been really tough especially with the lockdown. I think people who have lost people recently have been hit with a double whammy from grief and covid. I feel that I am in limbo waiting for the lockdown to end, which will hopefully be soon.
      I don’t know if you have come across Way Up. it is specifically for people who have lost partners. I have got to know some lovely people through it.
      http://www.way-up.co.uk
      Take care and I hope your day is as good as it can be.
      Paul

      • Reply by 55notout

        Thank you, will definitely take a look. Much aporeciated.

    • Reply by Amy Silverston

      I was also about to suggest Wayup. They have a good way of categorising different online conversations, from the humourus to the very serious.

    • Reply by Karen but not a Karen

      I recently lost my husband to cancer,feeling very alone even though I have lots of people around.

      • Reply by 55notout

        Same. Its just trying to adapt to such a shift in the day not least the quiet. Where do you live in the country Im in Northamptonshire

      • Reply by Lizziebeth1

        Its a very familiar feeling, feeling very alone although we have lots of people around. I lost my husband 22 months ago ( still feels like yesterday) to cancer he was also 58 as was I, I felt my world had fallen apart and felt so alone, he was my soulmate of 30 years, we did everything together. There’s no easy answers of how to cope I think we have to go through the grief and we handle it our own way, although the more I read peoples statements we all seem to feel the same. I didn’t think I’d ever get through it or did I want to, It was 2 steps forward then 10 back, then all of a sudden last November the dark cloud just seem to start lifting, I started to feel my old self and with a new found confidence of going it alone, I’ve decided I will continue to do as I would have with Jim and travel and try to make the most of life. Just hold onto the belief that you will get through these dark times and you will feel strong again. People used to say this to me, at the time I didn’t believe it but the saying is true, time heals, we don’t forget I suppose we learn to deal with it x

        • Reply by 55notout

          Lizziebeth1 thankyou for sharing and pleased there is the promise of less heavy days. Do please share any travel choice you make in such strange and unchartered times and take care

    • Reply by Karen but not a Karen

      I live in Bristol, how long has it been?

    • Reply by 55notout

      My elder daughter is at University in Bristol, a great city. My husband Tim died this year 19th Jan aged just 56 diagnosed 3 years ago eith prostate cancer, and you? Take care

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