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Christine Twigg Posted 1 year ago
Has anyone found that their friendships have gotten harder as a result of lockdown or any other life changes?

Since leaving a job in a city where I had mainly socialised and then lockdown hitting, I am finding it harder to keep in contact with my friends. I now find it quite tiring having to make first contact a lot of the time. Not too sure if it’s worth pursuing or moving on. Has anyone had similar experiences?

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6 likes & 52 replies
    • hayhurstbolton 4th May 2021 at 9:18 am

      It’s hard trying to think of what to say during lockdown so I seem to not say anything, asked my friends they think same, we just phone and say, still here, nothing to report. But it is up to one of us to do it. Can’t wait for face to face and coffee out

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 5:28 pm

        Yes, these are challenging times but because I don’t usually ring (just see them), I think it has made it a bit more difficult especially as some friends don’t use social media too much either. Thanks for your thoughts.

        Reply
    • Lel 4th May 2021 at 10:55 am

      I have realised during lockdown that I haven’t missed any of my friends… I have 2 closest friends Ive had for 50 years, and feel now we have nothing in common… One is Covid obsessed and has become a virtual recluse… She has also become a grandmother twice over.. And whilst Im happy for her, it just doesnt interest me….the other has never married and lives with her sister and dog…..I have a separate group whom we’ll call the party crowd, who are forever going out, drinking and socialising, and again, I’ve stopped drinking now the past year and have no interest in gadding around town….I just think we have moved on and I can’t think of anything worse than a meet up being shown endless pictures/stories of grandchildren/Covid anxiety/dogs, or conversely going out for a noisy lunch followed by drinks….. I embrace my introversion, and I hope this reply doesn’t sounds selfish… I prefer to call it honest realism……

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      • min 4th May 2021 at 2:01 pm

        Wow, Lel, similar story here. Except that I have changed a lot, and don’t think that I fit the “clique” any more (if I ever really did!).I am embracing my reclusiveness – maybe somewhat introverted. And enjoying being un-needy.

        Reply
    • andrea 4th May 2021 at 12:52 pm

      Yes I have found it difficult but not quite for the same reasons you mention. I am a full time carer for my husband. I have been shielding him since the start of the pandemic. I find friends and family have keot in touch by phone but I still feel very isolated. They all seem reluctant to meet up outside face to face. Maybe the problem is theirs and not mine! As soon as possible, I know I need to get out there and develop new interests and contacts . My husband is in hospital at the moment and I am trying to get support when he comes home so I have some time snd space to do this. I think that many people will need to face this and learn how to socialise again.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 5:43 pm

        Hi Andrea, it must be difficult with your husband in hospital so glad you have some support. My husband has been diagnosed with a life threatening condition and I have had to deal with a lot of that on my own but luckily I have great colleagues in my new job who do listen when possible. No one has asked to meet outside either but think everyone is wary which I understand so I don’t want to meet either. I hope it all works out for you.

        Reply
      • Marica 5th May 2021 at 5:17 pm

        Andrea, you have my sympathy as I had your situation for 10 years with my husband but no family to help. He died 20 mths ago. And I agree it is imperative to do something just for you as it got me through after his death as I had established contacts in a ladies group. Do try to do something for you socially even just once a week

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    • .Issy. 4th May 2021 at 1:15 pm

      Hi Christine, yes its really hard when you are the one to make first contact everytime. Problem is with covid everyone is acting differently. Did you have to make first contact before lockdown etc? Maybe wait till things are more normal and see if anyone suggests a get together.
      In the long term I would let people go if they are not adding to your life but its difficult to figure that out atm when things are not back to normal. You need friendships that are two way streets.
      Hope you get from friendships what you deserve.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 6:21 pm

        Hi Issy I think I didn’t have to make first contact as much as I do now and it does get quite tiring as I don’t have much family left either and most of them are the same! Yes, I am quite open-minded so am waiting to see how things go and if anyone suggest anything post lockdown. Like you say though it is a bit difficult to judge things at the minute and Covid impacted upon a life change I was going through anyway. I agree about two-way friendships though and would rather have two good ones than 20 bad ones! Hopefully, things will sort themselves out whichever way it goes as I am adamant to get the best out of life whilst I am here. Maybe I need a ‘Covid Clearout’!

        Reply
        • .Issy. 5th May 2021 at 2:38 pm

          I think we all need clearouts occasionally, just like the clutter in our homes have to go, so too the clutter in our lives. Take care x

          Reply
    • Dh 4th May 2021 at 2:43 pm

      I think it has almost become comfortable not making the effort snd then it feels like hard work meeting up. But then other times you realise how uplifting it is just to say hello to strangers and have some light hearted exchanges. It’s made me realise with some that I was making all the effort – so unless it’s a two way street with mutual value and respect – then it’s maybe time to move on. Take the time to develop individual pursuits – I’ve been painting by numbers, learning Piano, on-line yoga and I love it. I’ve rediscovered my quiet, calm, introverted side. But I still like the odd meet up at the pub – looking forward to better weather x

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 6:33 pm

        Thank you for your insight and yes, it was easier not to have to bother making an effort so much but now it’s like a waiting game to see who socialises first! I did enjoy the quiet though so think I am going to get more of that in my life going forward – thanks for the tips. I have been doing a proofreading course too to prepare for post lockdown life. I find it quite easy to chat with strangers/make friends so am even considering moving house too in the next couple of years as nothing much to stay for. Hope the weather gets better too x

        Reply
    • Deleted User 4th May 2021 at 2:44 pm

      I see one bunch of grandchildren on a regular basis and have done all through the lockdowns etc.
      I have a son though a hundred miles away and my grandson there.
      I have always hated phone conversations.
      I’m very outgoing and can talk about a wide range of subjects face to face but not on the phone.
      I hate even more video chats on the phone I really struggle.
      Like I say face to face even with strangers I’m relaxed and will talk for hours I don’t know what my phone phobia is all about but it’s affecting my relationships big time now.
      Is England out of lockdown now?
      I’m in Wales.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 8:03 pm

        Yes, phone conversations are a struggle for some especially if hard of hearing. I think most people prefer face to face too so hopefully it will improve as England is still in partial lockdown. Hopefully, things will improve soon for us all.

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    • adeliza0165 4th May 2021 at 2:46 pm

      This lockdown has made me realise the friends that mean a lot to me and the ones that don’t.
      It’s also made me realise that all the little things we take for granted are all part of the big things in life that keep us going.
      I’ve always appreciated holidays and will do so even more now, realising that one day I may not or won’t be able to anymore.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 8:06 pm

        Yes, I totally agree and I think the lesson a lot of people have been able to take out of this reflective period is a sense of gratitude and what matters most of their lives. That is certainly what I am trying to work through now although I haven’t got the answer yet but am determined to get it one day!

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      • Marica 5th May 2021 at 5:20 pm

        With you on the friends thing , Adeliza, better to have far fewer real people than those who wind you up . I walked away from someone who I would have regarded as almost a best friend plus someone else I see regularly , as Lockdown opinions and the way they acted really showed their true colours and felt better for leaving them behind as it was draining.

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    • Selsdon 4th May 2021 at 3:25 pm

      I think if you were in touch with workmates outside of work, it would certainly be worth the effort of following up on those contacts after you’ve left. It’s a lot easier if your workmates are local of course.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 8:12 pm

        Thanks. I am still in touch with my old colleagues and still live near the city where I worked for decades. I was going to still meet up there on the odd days but then Covid came along. I now work in another city but don’t live near it and we’ve all been working from home but will see if we have to go back. If we do, I may have to move home but we’ll see. I will then not live near many of my friends although I used to meet many of them in the city anyway. I feel like I am stuck in the middle at the moment but will see how it goes.

        Reply
    • andrea 4th May 2021 at 7:50 pm

      The actor Anthony Hopkins has written a brilliant piece about relationships. I found it on Facebook. It helped me. Perhaps you can find it, Christine. Well worth a read.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 4th May 2021 at 8:14 pm

        That sounds interesting Andrea. I am always fascinated by relationships so what would I look for as I only usually have contact with friends on Facebook. Would I just put his name in and see what pops up although I suspect a lot of people have that name?!

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    • andrea 4th May 2021 at 9:54 pm

      I can post it on my Facebook page if you would like to have look andrea miles

      Reply
    • Shirlann 5th May 2021 at 10:41 am

      No only got one friend but we’ve been meeting up most weekends for long doggie walks 😁

      Reply
    • ChuChuRkt 5th May 2021 at 2:55 pm

      My closest mates of 30+ years have mostly stayed in touch. And we’re currently planning out first day together on the 22nd, taking advantage of the rule of 6 for a day of gaming.

      Manage to see my best mate outdoors, either picking up stuff from the bakery and having breakfast or a barbeque if the weather allows.

      The hardest thing has been the travel and partners being extra cautious for varying reasons.

      Reply
    • Catwoman0711 5th May 2021 at 11:09 pm

      Yes things are difficult and all we ever talk about is COVID it has taken iver our lives and minds.

      Reply
    • Deleted User 6th May 2021 at 6:28 am

      I guess for me it is more “What friendships” pretty much sums it up, people cross the street now if your the only person walking. Seems to be a consensus to avoid any type of contact these days. Me I enjoy meeting people; but people don’t enjoy meeting me since Covid. I wake up each day wondering when we will ever get back to a normal life where you could say hello and people responded. If it isn’t Covid it is all men are evil seems to replace one issue with another to ensure the population never manages to come together again. Can’t wait to see what is next.

      Cheers
      David
      I changed my password to “incorrect”, so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 6th May 2021 at 9:15 am

        Hi David yes, these are strange and challenging times which many people are affected by. I have noticed too that some people regardless of sex aren’t making eye contact as much but maybe they just don’t want to/ know how to so you just have to look after yourself and control what you can. Perceptions and culture have also changed regarding many things but we have a choice to walk away or turn off the TV as sometimes it is very alarmist. One thing you still have though David is your sense of humour so don’t lose that as it made me chuckle. Take care.

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        • Deleted User 6th May 2021 at 5:57 pm

          Have to agree there I don’t watch TV anymore (despite what TV licensing says) Dang those TV licensing people I cancel the license because I don’t use it and they sent me a letter saying they canceled it! go figure lol

          Cheers
          David
          A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

          Reply
      • Catwoman 20th May 2021 at 9:11 am

        We don’t all think All men are evil David. There seems to be people who are still over cautious and those who don’t give a damn 😕

        Reply
    • hell.fenn 10th May 2021 at 12:04 pm

      Yes I am experiencing the same. Roll on face to face contact. x

      Reply
    • andrea 11th May 2021 at 11:15 am

      How are you all doing now measures are in place for more freedom? I’m still going to be nervous about crowds but have enjoyed strolling round Harrogate the other day. Only sad thing was seeing how many shops have closed.
      My husband is coming out of hospital today so I enjoyed my last lie in this morning for a while. I have help lined up and I hope to start putting out feelers for new friends. Hope you all feel confident about the future and are looking forward to a hot summer (I hope!)

      Reply
    • Kristy 20th May 2021 at 8:18 am

      Totally relate to this . I think , for me , lockdown has magnified things that were present before as I recall being a bit tired of initiating contact back in the day . The added problem with this lockdown stuff has given me too much time to ‘cogitate’ as to why ( is it me ) what should I do about it etc etc would love to have the situation of one or two real close friends who I can just be me with and not a mum grand ma or partner . Used to have that when kids were younger but those close networks have got pretty thin now . Nice to hear I’m not on my own in this transition period 😊😊😉🤪

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      • Christine Twigg 20th May 2021 at 8:44 pm

        Glad to know I am not alone either Kristy! I totally agree. This period has been very reflective and I am surprised at the ‘Friend Fallout’. However, I am determined to make something work out as don’t want to waste my time on people who aren’t worth it. I hope we both find what we are looking for.

        Reply
    • Catwoman 20th May 2021 at 8:48 am

      I never really had any friends to begin with so I’ve not found it any different to be honest. I do however think if you are the one always making first contact they’re not worth it. These things work both ways. As I found out with messenger. Had two friends I chatted too every day but once I stopped being the one to message first they made no effort to contact me. One actually answered a msg saying [email protected]#* YOU! So I just don’t bother any more FB friends aren’t always that friendly 😕 Both male btw only one is still on my friend list

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 20th May 2021 at 9:24 pm

        That isn’t very nice! I’m sure you don’t miss him. I haven’t had too many friends either and not any I hear from every day. Thought I had quality over quantity though that doesn’t seem to be the case at the moment. Thanks for sharing.

        Reply
    • Aqualady51 20th May 2021 at 9:12 am

      That’s an interesting question and something I hadn’t really taken time to think about. For me, I have done very little socialising with work colleagues in my current role, so no change there. I have found socialising a lot harder due to separation and divorce over the last two years than Lockdown if I’m honest. Whether others find it too awkward or don’t want to pick a side so don’t pick any is up to them. It has shown me who I can really count on – my family and close friends before marriage, who have been so supportive to me and my children. Unlike my 5 brothers and sisters-in laws, who act like we don’t exist. That’s a tough one when I was nothing but a helpful and supportive sister-In-law to them for 25 years. Lockdown has also helped me add some spark to my oldest friendship group from school days. Our ‘Gang of Four’, as an old history teacher used to refer to us as, are all around the country but now have a monthly zoom catch up which we could never have done in person. We have planned to meet in the summer too.

      As wonderful as that is, there are times when I still feel isolated and alone. I hope the easing of restrictions and a possible return to some work in the office will bring us all opportunities for a more varied social life. Fingers crossed.

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 20th May 2021 at 9:37 pm

        Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you’ve had a difficult time but good you’ve got some support and I totally understand your viewpoint regarding families! Good you have discovered your old Gang too. I’m looking for a Gang to join! 🙃

        Reply
    • Shirlann 20th May 2021 at 10:07 am

      Nothing to do with lock down can’t see friend but unpredictable weather 🙄🤔🙃

      Reply
    • andrea 20th May 2021 at 4:29 pm

      I found everyone’s comments so interesting and moving. It’s so good to know that we share so many similar emotions. To add a lighter note….tomorrow I am having my first visitors indoors ! I have managed during lock down to reconnect with a very close friend in my youth. She was my bridesmaid 53 years ago and we lost touch after my wedding. We are so excited and happy to be seeing each other again. I’m sure we won’t be lost for words! So apart from losing friendships has anyone else managed to rekindle an old one?

      Reply
      • Christine Twigg 20th May 2021 at 9:43 pm

        That’s nice Andrea. How did you find her again? I found an old school friend after 40 years on FB but not really kept in contact as her husband is very ill. Would be nice to see her one day again though. Hope you enjoy reminiscing.

        Reply
    • Deleted User 7th May 2021 at 6:27 am

      Oh cool downloading it see what in my area.

      Thanks
      David
      Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

      Reply
    • Deleted User 7th May 2021 at 7:01 am

      Cool app was thinking of what to do this summer, nice meetup is happening in July, yeah reackon I could get away for a couple of days.

      Many thanks

      Cheers
      David
      I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.

      Reply
    • Christine Twigg 6th May 2021 at 10:21 pm

      You are on fire now! Meet up is an App (I think) where you can see what is going on in your area but personally I have never used it but it may be useful 🤔

      Reply
    • Deleted User 6th May 2021 at 6:01 pm

      I moved for a contract then decided hmmm kinda like it here, been travelling for the last 20 years. Meetups? what is that? Don’t think there are any of them right now.

      See what the end of May brings maybe (if there isn’t another version of Covid 🤦‍♂️)

      Cheers
      David
      Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

      Reply
    • Christine Twigg 5th May 2021 at 11:08 pm

      Hi may I ask why you moved and is there any way you could possibly meet new friends maybe via Meetup? I sometimes think of moving for a change of scenery and because I have never lived in a different area but I would probably have to make new friends although I don’t really have any near where I live at the moment either!

      Reply
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