Home Forums Bereavement Good morning all, I’m recently widowed (5weeks),...

LiveLoveLaugh68 Posted 2 weeks ago Bereavement
Good morning all, I’m recently widowed (5weeks), is there anyone on here that is in the same boat as in widowed fairly young! It doesn’t help that my daughter moved into her first home the same week, gone from a busy bustling home to just me and the dog ! Feeling abit lost x
1 like & 18 replies
    • TmonT 13th October 2021 at 11:23 am

      Sorry for your loss 😥 I was a widower 16 yrs ago my wife was in her early 30s leaving me two teenage daughters an a dog It’s not easy an many people will say it will get better Believe me it gets different but you will learn to adjust Even now certain songs etc trigger memories but they are happy memories Unlike at the beginning where every memory is hard Your daughter may have moved but she will need you as much as you need her Don’t be afraid ask for help support each other Best bit of advice one that I regret is dont withdraw from life or people Take care

    • Scaredofspiders 13th October 2021 at 12:43 pm

      I’m almost 5 months down the line now and life isn’t quite as hopeless as it feels in the first weeks. We had been married for less than 2 years when he suddenly died so I felt cheated of the wonderful life we were going to have together! I still have a little wobble most days, but just be kind to yourself and enjoy your doggie companion. Sending (all be it virtual) hugs

    • Dennis 13th October 2021 at 1:55 pm

      Hi LLL68,

      I lost my Wife in 2019, if 68 was when you were born then we are the same age.
      Both the step kids had left home and have their own lives.
      I struggled to cope to start with, spent a year on medication, that and my dog got me through those early black days, weeks, months.
      I can’t understate the part my dog Monty played, just having the routine of going for long walks and feeding him helped immensely, I also had a business to run which gave me routine.

      I cared for my wife at home right up until she passed, the trauma of seeing her go through what she did was burnt into my head for a long time and it was all I could remember, thankfully these days I remember the good times we had and the wonderful woman she was and the memory of the last few weeks has faded into the background.

      5 weeks is so so early, I really feel for you.
      Things will get better but it is a long slow process, don’t expect too much from yourself, just getting through each day is an accomplishment for now, try to get some exercise (walks with the dog) and eat as best you can.

      There’s plenty of good people on here who will have a chat if you’re feeling a bit lonely.

      Take care.

      • TmonT 13th October 2021 at 7:08 pm

        Sorry for your loss My wife died suddenly 16 yrs ago no warning Still cant decided if it was easier than having to watch a loved one suffer Certainly didn’t feel like it at the time But as I’ve grown older I realise it was best for my wife however I missed the opportunity to say so many things 😥

        • Dennis 13th October 2021 at 10:20 pm

          Often pondered this, personally I’d like to go suddenly, whilst sleeping but realise this would be harsh on the family.

      • LiveLoveLaugh68 13th October 2021 at 10:40 pm

        Thank you Dennis for your kind words my husband had been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease in April 2019, I was the only person who cared for him 24/7 for 2 half years, the end came very quick & unexpected we really thought he had another year of so, he also was a pompey boy born in 68. I have gone back to work as I also have my own business to run but some days are just black!!

      • LesleyE 22nd October 2021 at 9:12 pm

        Perfect advice Dennis, routines, long walks and the love of a beloved pet. It sustained me in those early days as it continues to.

    • Linpap 13th October 2021 at 5:02 pm

      5 weeks is really early I lost my husband unexpectedly just over a year ago and for those first few weeks I just couldn’t believe that he’d gone and I replayed over and over again those last few days and especially his last evening when I sat with him in ICU in full PPE (Covid times) and watched him slip away that still feels like something out of a dark tv drama rather than something that actually happened to us but I have now started moving forward just taking one day at a time and suddenly over a year has passed and I can laugh and joke again about what’s happening now and looking back over all our memories and family time together my daughter celebrated her 21st exactly a week after her dad died before his funeral all very tough but we have survived and are very close and support each other even tho we live on opposite sides of the country- she moved into her flat a fortnight after the funeral it needed loads of work so I immersed myself into cleaning and painting when I visit now don’t think I did a very good job can see all sorts of streaks but it was a good project and created a nice home for my daughter to live in and me to visit and despite distance we are very close your daughter may have moved but she will still need you (and you her) I think just give yourself time accept that it is ok to feel lost and confused try not to worry if some days you feel as if you have done nothing at all and gradually your life will take on some sort of new normal take care Lin x

      • LiveLoveLaugh68 13th October 2021 at 10:46 pm

        Thank you Linpap, I also relive the final hours we had gone to A&E as my husband was not feeling well, when we got there we were put in the corridor as everywhere was full, he started to panic and his oxygen sats went low and then he had a seizure, I can still see the look on his face of being so scared and it haunts me everyday that I couldn’t do anything to help him. He never regained consciousness and died six hours later. My children is all I feel like living for at the moment.

        • Linpap 13th October 2021 at 11:23 pm

          I am so sad to hear of your final hours with your husband and it doesn’t sound as if you got the best support from the hospital it is so difficult to come to terms with that final image I remember my husband opened his eyes and I hoped he would be able to speak but he couldn’t he did groan in pain and I think back to that and know he couldn’t go on and when he passed it was relief from pain and suffering very hard to accept at first but I do accept it now and know that Steve is at peace and I am finding my own way forward take care of yourself please feel free to inbox me anytime if you would like to Lin

        • goldfish63 20th October 2021 at 1:00 pm

          That is so very sad and sorry for your loss, I think you would benefit from some bereavement counselling to work through things and feelings, try contacting “Cruse ” they will have a branch in your area and can help, take care and good luck 🙂

    • LeighS 13th October 2021 at 6:59 pm

      Hello Jane, I am sorry to read about your loss. My name is Leigh and I am a Rest Less Pioneer and I would like to welcome you to both Rest Less and the community. If you have any questions, please ask me here or message me privately.

      I have been a member of the community almost since it began and have found it to be a very welcoming and friendly place. There are different groups for you to look at and join in any conversations that interest you, whenever you feel ready.

      If you have any comments that you would like to make about Rest Less please do let me know and I will pass them on.

      Once again welcome to both Rest Less and the community.

    • Scaredofspiders 13th October 2021 at 8:36 pm

      I replied earlier, but I hadn’t read that your husband had been so ill. My god woman you are amazing! I fell to bits after finding my husband dead but you must have put up with so much.
      Good luck going forward, after 5 weeks I was still baying at the moon🙌xxx

    • Paul095 13th October 2021 at 8:48 pm

      Lost my better half 2014 from brain tumour shitty times, sorry for your loss.

    • Photojournal 19th October 2021 at 7:28 am

      Hi there

      I am sorry to hear about your loss, I lost my wife in a car accident in 2001, I was 39, it was devastating, feel free to reach out for a chat anytime.

    • SueP 19th October 2021 at 12:02 pm

      Hi. My husband had kidney cancer when we met in 2009. We married in 2014 and he died in Nov 2018. He had been very well apart from the last 6 weeks which felt traumatic. It took me a while to settle and to make my own life again – I have done a lot of work on myself and my feelings and now, 3 years later, I am enjoying life again. Give yourself time, do whatever you need to do. Focus on the happy times you had together and that he would want you to carry on and make a life for yourself. xx

    • Linpap 19th October 2021 at 3:28 pm

      Thank you Sue

    • 895759Fletcher150221 20th October 2021 at 2:46 pm

      Im baded in northamptonshire and at at 54 lost my husband to cancer in lockdown in january 2021. 3 years diagnosed and a traumatic complicated death Im mourning his presence and our future. I am struggling in finding widows of a similar age and happy to make contact or look to meet. 2 daughters one at uni, the other one just moved back after uni. I lost my job 11 weeks after my husbands job and due to start a new one in November. With children, even if older, and working in our 50s is a different daily grief to those married for over 30 years. Take care