Home Forums Loneliness Feeling so alone and lonely.

Loveagoldie Posted 2 months ago
Feeling so alone and lonely.

Husband told me a couple of months ago he wanted to end our marriage after 34 years.
Have stated the divorce proceedings but still living in the same house.
I feel so lonely and am having a really bad day today. Kids are grown up and independent.
He is off seeing friends and meeting people from dating sites.
We moved away from all my family and friends two years ago and because of the pandemic I haven’t made any friends down here in South Somerset.
House will be going on the market soon but I’m not sure how long it’s going to take. It’s a grade 2 listed thatched cottage and was in the market for a couple of years before we bought it.

5 likes & 49 replies
    • Linpap 10th October 2021 at 4:44 pm

      That all sounds really tough don’t have any advice but know there are people on this site in similar situations can you go to visit some of your old friends/family? Take care Lin

      • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 6:29 pm

        Thank you Lin.
        Unfortunately friends and family are over 2 1/2 hours away. I am hoping to be able to get up there soon. I just need a Mum and Dad hug!

    • Debskidoo Carmarthenshire 10th October 2021 at 4:53 pm

      I too am sorry to hear of your situation, this time next year you will be feeling a whole lot better having gone through the worst of it all which, sadly is now. You are not alone on this site, as Linpap says, many here are in the same situation. Try, try, try your best to focus on the future, where would you like to visit when it’s all over ? What have you always wanted to do …. learn an instrument, take up a craft etc. Keep your mind on moving forward, new opportunities etc, I know it’s hard. Now is the worst but, you will be better tomorrow, even a bit better the day after that. Hold your head high, you WILL get through it xxx

      • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 6:32 pm

        Thank you Debs. I am trying, but today is really bad. I don’t know why. I think maybe it’s the thought that the house could take months to sell.
        We have a separate building that we let out. He is moving in there at the beginning of next month. I’m hoping that will make it a bit easier, although he still wants to walk the dogs. I’m trying to pluck up the courage to tell him he has to give me the house key back and he can message me when he wants to take the dogs.

        • loislane 10th October 2021 at 8:15 pm

          I’m getting the feeling he’s a narcissistic twat

        • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 8:35 pm

          Yep. I think that about sums him up 🤣

        • Debs932 20th October 2021 at 9:06 am

          Hi, sorry to hear what’s happening at the moment, yes, ask for the keys back, set some boundaries for him, at the moment he is doing what he likes, try to get some rules set up that suits you, you will start to feel better I promise when you feel more control in what’s happening around you. Sorry am not close to you as in Manchester but am here, Debbie

        • Loveagoldie 20th October 2021 at 2:28 pm

          Apparently because the house is joint owned he can come and go as he likes!!
          Need to try and set some boundaries though.

    • loislane 10th October 2021 at 5:01 pm

      I’m so sorry, you must feel isolated, sad, even angry at the unfairness of it all. They get to walk off and begin a new life whilst you sit there wondering what’s going to happen.
      I hope you get your fair share.
      I guess you need to think about what you want for yourself now, so I hope you get good legal advice.

      • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 6:33 pm

        Thanks Lois. I have a solicitor. Unfortunately she’s on holiday until next Monday. He’s representing himself and he keeps sending emails to her which are unnecessary. It’s bumping up my costs which I am getting so cross about.

        • loislane 10th October 2021 at 8:12 pm

          That’s why he’s doing it

        • loislane 10th October 2021 at 8:14 pm

          I’m wondering if he’s always been like this and it sounds like you were isolated from your family.

        • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 8:17 pm

          I wasn’t isolated from my family. We loved 3 miles from all my married life until 2 years ago when we moved down here. He wanted to move closer to his sister and I loved this house we moved to.
          I don’t love it now though and just want to get out.
          He has always been controlling. I just didn’t realise how controlling until now

        • loislane 11th October 2021 at 3:14 pm

          That’s what I meant…you just didn’t realise how co trolling he was and part of that is isolation for you. Look up the behaviour of you haven’t already.
          I’ve been on the receiving end too and it’s not pleasant once you start joining up the dots.

    • Dave the poet 1970 10th October 2021 at 5:05 pm

      Bless ya try and be positive I know it’s hard but try and there are lots of lovely people on here so when things are bad talk to them
      Best thing I did when my marriage ended was talk to strangers and lots of them have become some of my best friends
      Sending hugs to you and know that you’re not alone

    • Always 10th October 2021 at 5:10 pm

      How absolutely awful that you are in this terrible situation keep talking even if it’s just to strangers it will help to keep your mind off things and remember it won’t be this way forever xxx

    • Loveagoldie 10th October 2021 at 6:34 pm

      Thanks. I am trying to look to the future.

    • Willow herb 10th October 2021 at 6:45 pm

      I’ve been where you are and you know I’m in such a good place now and having a ball.. hold your nerve honey . X

    • AutumnRocks 10th October 2021 at 8:15 pm

      Have a look at the Meet Up site. Should be some groups local to you that you may be interested in.

    • Loveholidays 10th October 2021 at 8:23 pm

      Sorry to hear you’re having a bad time, I’ve been in the same situation so can sympathise. I work in south Somerset so could meet for coffee & a chat if you’d like. I’m female by the way 🤣 xx

    • MikeyG 10th October 2021 at 9:32 pm

      I dont really have any advice for you, but i went through this with my second wife, she wanted a divorce but with were living in a two bedroom cottage, i stayed there for I suppose about 4 months until I just couldnt do it anymore, it was effecting my health and my work….so I left and got a rented flat, Its awful and not a situation i would want anyone to go through

    • AutumnRocks 10th October 2021 at 10:50 pm

      I’m in the same boat, albeit it is amicable at the moment. Spending a lot of time in my room.
      Likely to be here for a while yet due to financial situation.
      Can’t wait to get my own place and space.
      Trying to find new opportunities to keep me busy and to meet new people, but it can be very hard and lonely.

    • Sadandlonely 11th October 2021 at 5:20 am

      I am in a similar situation, awful isn’t it. I am so lonely and have no friends locally. I really feel for you. Hope you don’t feel there’s no point in carrying on like I do

      • Cheeseman dave 12th October 2021 at 8:42 pm

        I do feel for you ..I live in Cornwall to there’s some very nice people down here and if you reach out I’m sure they’ll help ..

      • Loveagoldie 12th October 2021 at 9:10 pm

        No real friends here either. I’ve met a neighbour in the last few weeks and she’s being very supportive, but it’s hard as husband is friends with hers so I’m very wary of saying too much.
        I find it’s loneliest when I’m walking the dogs and will have a good cry then.
        Please don’t feel there’s no point in going on. Make an appt to see your GP. As mine said “She’s not just there to fix the itis’s, she’s there to help too”
        Sending hugs your way xx

    • Nan Smith 12th October 2021 at 9:04 am

      You might want to instruct your solicitor to ignore any correspondence from your spouse, unless he is willing to pay for her advice. Try contacting citizens advice legal team. they are very good, but slow.

      • Loveagoldie 12th October 2021 at 9:12 pm

        As he’s a “Litigant in person” I think he’s entitled to contact them. I’m waiting for my solicitor to come back from holiday so I can have a good chat with her.

    • Cheeseman dave 12th October 2021 at 8:39 pm

      I find this incredibly sad for everybody concerned that are suffering in a situation that’s no fault of they’re own .. if hubby is messing about you’re solicitor may be able to get an injunction against him for unreasonable behaviour .. just a thought

    • Sparkles 12th October 2021 at 9:02 pm

      Owwwww I feel your pain, I was in a similar position a few years ago, just keep going there will be light at he end of the tunnel. Try and find some local groups to join and get out and about xx

      • Loveagoldie 12th October 2021 at 9:15 pm

        Thanks. I just find it very difficult to walk into a room where I don’t know anyone. I know I’m going to have to be brave and try if I want to meet new people.

        • Sparkles 12th October 2021 at 9:23 pm

          You will be, first step is the hardest. And you will never know anyone if you don’t try.. I promise you, life will be better one day

    • PennyB 12th October 2021 at 9:28 pm

      So sorry to hear this. It is an awful time. Meetup is good for finding lovely people and interesting events so do give it a try x

    • Loveagoldie 12th October 2021 at 9:40 pm

      I realise that I’m not angry and upset that I’m not going to be with him, it’s because I will have to start somewhere new because I won’t be able to afford to move back to be close to my family and friends.
      I really don’t want to be with him anymore. He’s a controlling twat and I wish I’d realised it years ago!!

      • Staying Alive 15th October 2021 at 5:44 pm

        Hi I just seen your post I’m sad to hear your going through a pretty though time. Had been through the same situation early this year.
        I live in North Somerset so feel free if you ever want to meet up for a coffee and chat.

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 15th October 2021 at 5:13 pm

      Similar situation. We had been married 30 years, the divorce settled on our 31st wedding anniversary. I’m still in the same house, and yes that’s very difficult! Sadly I have no friends to talk to, and very little in the way of family, certainly none I can visit. I find myself talking to the house. It doesn’t answer, yet….

    • Brown sugar 15th October 2021 at 5:42 pm

      It takes a bit of getting use to, allow yourself a period of adjustment. I’m so sorry that you are finding it tough at the moment but it will get better. Being on here will help you are not alone, most of us i guess have had to ‘weather life’ one way or another.

    • Loveagoldie 15th October 2021 at 10:17 pm

      Thank you x

    • CaringJen 1st December 2021 at 10:51 pm

      Hoping things have settled down a little for you, and that you can enjoy the company of your dogs, I find my little dog a great comfort n companion and so loves a Hug, find a walk in the fresh air always good for the soul, always here for a chat 💬.

    • Milly67 2nd December 2021 at 1:22 pm

      Im not going through a marriage breakup…..that happened 20 years ago or so. However, of late, I have realised just how few people I have in my life. I have no family (estranged from those that I do have….long story). I have one grown up son who I have not heard from in over a year….again…..thats another story…..but safe to say I think he is being manipulated by his dad.

      I look at my life and wonder what the hell am I doing here. I lost my job in April this year, going through the change ( on HRT at present) and undergone life saving surgery that went well…..and now told by consultant that I can now go back to work. That would be great if I could get a job. Currently living off savings….which wont last forever.

      All my so called friends are in relationships or married and I can go actual DAYS without speaking to a soul.

      I have put myself out over the years by being both generous with time and giving to others but I don’t really seem to get anything back.

      My biggest fear is dying alone and noone finding me for months or even years on end.

      I HATE christmas with a vengeance. I dont mean to be so down about it but for people in my position……its a VERY hard and VERY difficult time of year!

      I am young in my outlook and would love to meet others who find themselves in the situation as myself…..but it difficult….very difficult.

      Life is for living….so they say! Is it really….because from where I am at present……it certainly isnt?!

    • Loveagoldie 12th October 2021 at 9:11 pm

      I don’t think so Michael. He’s already on dating sites and messaging other women and going on dates. He’s well and truely checked out.
      I can’t stand being around him now and finding it very difficult living in the same house.
      I can’t wait for him to move into our Airbnb building. Although it’s still on the same property, at least we won’t be in the same house.