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MikeyG Posted 2 weeks ago
Do you ever…….

I have recently found myself deep in thought about my past relationships and wishing things would have been different or I could have said all the things I had wanted to say at the time…….ever since I was young I had always wanted to be happily married but alas this never happened even though I was married twice and now i feel almost incomplete as I have not accomplished everything i had wanted to in my life, Now i am 57 I find myself more and more thinking that my dreams are over and done with and that makes me sad…….anyone else feel these things ?

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5 likes & 91 replies
    • beetlejuice 24th November 2021 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Mikey, not really, it is what it is thats my attitude.No point dwelling on what you did right or wrong.I am sure you felt you were doing things right at the time.You can accomplish all things you want without a Wife can’t you?

      Reply
      • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 12:57 pm

        Yes of course I can im very independent, i suppose my point was it was always something I dreamed of and now I fear it will never happen and that makes me sad

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        • beetlejuice 24th November 2021 at 1:06 pm

          Well you can’t ever know what will or won’t happen.I guess if it’s that important to you and makes you sad, only you can attempt to rectify it.So what did you want to accomplish and has left you feeling incomplete?

          Reply
    • loislane 24th November 2021 at 1:05 pm

      I understand what you’re saying, definitely feeling a lot of that.
      Gave my time to the the wrong ones, ignored my own feelings.
      Sort of feeling it’s too late now.

      Reply
    • VFP 24th November 2021 at 1:09 pm

      As my fellow Canadian Celine Dion sings:
      Don’t give up on your faith
      Love comes to those who believe it
      And that’s the way it is

      Reply
    • Brighton Belle 24th November 2021 at 1:19 pm

      You will find your special person I found one my partners when I was 59yrs old

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    • Linpap 24th November 2021 at 1:23 pm

      Think we all have those sorry for yourself days it’s grey and miserable here today think that in itself can make you feel a bit down but you really never know what’s round the corner may not be what you thought you wanted but can still be good and I don’t think age should be a barrier (well I might have left it a bit late to win Wimbledon)

      Reply
    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 24th November 2021 at 1:47 pm

      There’s lots of benefits to being single as well .. it’s never to late for wife 3 gives you a chance to save some money as well lol

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      • Linpap 24th November 2021 at 2:03 pm

        You trying to imply that wives are somehow expensive?! I reckon all this dating malarkey costs far more but I do agree being single has definite benefits

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      • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 2:12 pm

        I actually a generous chap and dont mind spending cash on those I love…I like to bring gifts home as i would make my significant other feel wanted and appreciated and loved, just personal opinion though

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        • Linpap 24th November 2021 at 2:14 pm

          Sounds a very nice opinion to me

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        • Linpap 24th November 2021 at 2:48 pm

          Tho I am the world’s worst at receiving gifts I am grateful and gracious but inside am often thinking I would have preferred different colour/flavour/already got that – on one recent birthday I was sent so many different bunches of flowers I was getting quite hysterical 😭 as more kept being delivered ran out of vases didn’t know what to do with them all!

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        • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 3:27 pm

          I’ve always been a keeper of notes, Likes / dislikes / wants /needs of my partner, for two reasons, firstly it helps choose things for birthdays / xmas etc and secondly as my memory is rubbish lol

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        • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 7:05 pm

          Wish I’d met someone like you. You’re wives obviously didn’t appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. 🤗

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        • MikeyG 27th November 2021 at 7:08 pm

          Thats very kind of you to say, my first wife gave me two amazing children but we just werent really suited to each other, and my second wife controlled and abused me ( my daughter made me get out)…..

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        • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 7:14 pm

          Oh fgs….sorry to hear this. What makes some people think that they can do that? I have been through some unpleasant times too so can relate. I’ve wasted alot of years and tend to look back with regrets. Things affect me more so since losing my mum 18 months ago.😥

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        • MikeyG 27th November 2021 at 7:18 pm

          and my ex girlfriend was a narcissist, not had much luck in the love area really lol

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        • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 7:22 pm

          Good grief….
          Not that I’m in competition with you…
          I was with a guy for 6 years who turned out to be an alcoholic. He was a tortured soul. He died 3 years ago. Was still sad to hear.

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        • MikeyG 27th November 2021 at 7:27 pm

          Yes it sad when people pass away even if we had issues with them, I had a girlfriend once about 11 years ago that would do a whole bottle of wine per evening 7 nights a week, pretty sure she was an alcoholic, im not a drinker at all apart from xmas

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        • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 7:33 pm

          Gosh…that’s alot of alcohol….yes I’m sure ur right. I do like a wee glass of wine normally but have gone off it. No I’m not pregnant.lol
          Also an odd rhubarb and ginger gin but not had that either.

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        • MikeyG 27th November 2021 at 7:40 pm

          My daughter likes some of these new gin’s as does my mum apparently and shes 85 now bless her lol

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        • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 7:47 pm

          My mum liked a wee Tia Maria but not often.

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    • Colin in Kent 24th November 2021 at 4:54 pm

      I suppose I would ask, with two marriages behind you and two children, why do you feel you have never been happily married? Of course at 57 you are not too old to give up on your dreams, but what would stop you repeating whatever mistakes made those marriages unhappy? Were you *never* happy in them? If not, why did you get married?

      Also, I’m not sure many people accomplish *everything* they want to in life, and often life sends us down unexpected pathways where we accomplish things we might not have expected. There are dreams, and there is realism. Yearning to be an astronaut might be unrealistic, but there are doubtless many, many things you can still strive for. The important thing is not to be discouraged. In many cases, the only person who thinks you’re too old is you.

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      • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 5:04 pm

        I married my first wife as both my children had already arrived and i wanted to ‘do the right thing’ unfortunately she was never really the right one and I feel i had just ‘settled’ …..with the second one even though we had love she pushed for the wedding and I just went with it for fear of ending up alone, but we both sone realised that it wasnt working and we divorced after 4 years, Yes there were happy times but not in the true sense of the word, not in the life long happy and contented type of way.

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        • loislane 24th November 2021 at 6:29 pm

          We all make mistakes dependent on a few variables. You don’t have to explain to anyone the whys, it just was.

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        • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 6:37 pm

          I know Loislane, I suppose thats just who I am, if im asked a question I will always give an honest answer

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        • loislane 24th November 2021 at 7:43 pm

          I know, it’s just the way some questions are asked or said, it’s just the training in me.

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        • Colin in Kent 24th November 2021 at 10:08 pm

          The point is though, that Mikey asked us a question. But without knowing the context it’s impossible to give an honest answer. And the true point of my question was not for Mikey to tell me, but to reflect on those things and provide the answer to himself. What represents a happy relationship to Mikey that is different to his prior ones? – only he can answer that. The important thing is not that he is too old – he isn’t, and many people here are at a similar point in life – but that without knowing how and why he hasn’t felt fulfilled or happy previously, he risks repetitive patterns of behaviour. Many people effectively date the same person over and over again and end up as unhappy as they were at the beginning.

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    • Staying Alive 24th November 2021 at 7:42 pm

      How do you learn to move forward and not be so scared of making mistakes. How do you learn to trust so that you can not only love yourself and forgive your self or mistakes but other too 😢

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    • vaughanpauline 24th November 2021 at 8:47 pm

      Yes. Ive had days, weeks, months infact probably a year pondering the same question. I never even managed the 0.4 child only the 2.

      For me it did take about a year. Then it started to get better.

      At the 2 year stage i thought ‘sod it’ or words to that effect. Its not the life I wanted but its the life I have got and I might as well make the best I can of the time I have left.

      Keep busy. Eat properly, exercise even if its not something normally classed as exercise. Think what you have always wanted to do and never had the opportunity to do and then do it. Force yourself to stay in touch with people and when you feel ready make new friends

      Who knows what or who is round the next corner?

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      • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 8:50 pm

        Thank you Pauline, very inspirational.

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        • vaughanpauline 24th November 2021 at 8:58 pm

          Im glad you found it so. There is something I would add.

          When you feel despondent and down you have to

          Fake it till you Make it

          Which means smiling when you feel like your heart is braking. It means people respond to you much better and it actually changes something inside you.

          As ive said before if you need to talk about your journey just let me know cos ive walked the road your on, infact im still on it, but a few miles in front of you. Hopefully I wont get lost again and one day you will be standing where I am.

          Reply
        • MikeyG 24th November 2021 at 9:01 pm

          Sometimes the road is soft underfoot and other days its covered in broken glass, you never know when you first wake which road covering you will be faced with that day.

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        • vaughanpauline 24th November 2021 at 9:48 pm

          Yes, thats the same road. Have you noticed that some [email protected]@@@@d has taken all the signs down?
          Thats to make you use your compass. Dont let anyone else take it from you, its important that you do your own nqvigation, then theres no one else to blame or to take the praise

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    • Staying Alive 24th November 2021 at 9:10 pm

      The fear of knowing which road to take when to take it. So many paths fear I might fall again 😢

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    • Forestbather 24th November 2021 at 11:41 pm

      No point looking back. We are all going forward.

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      • MikeyG 25th November 2021 at 12:18 am

        It’s not something I do deliberately it just happens, not sure that the time of year helps really

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        • Lonelysole 27th November 2021 at 3:30 pm

          Know what you mean I am soooo not looking forward to christmas this year hate being on my own and soooo miss my husband still – but was his choice to leave after 26 years i am sure he is having a mid life crisis but his loss! I will not totally be on my own my daughter will be home so just got to make the most of every day. You do sound like a lovely guy and you will find that special person again I am sure

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        • MikeyG 27th November 2021 at 3:40 pm

          I’m sure it was definitely his loss, and i’m positive that you will also find someone one day that will not simply walk away ( im my view it doesnt show respect but thats just my opinion) no one deserves that. I will be seeing my children on xmas eve, my daughter has invited me to hers for xmas day but not sure I can spend the whole day in the company of my ex wife even though we divorced 20yrs ago and ive been married & divorced again since then….maybe I was born to be single lol

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    • Forestbather 25th November 2021 at 12:26 am

      Resist it. It’s not helpful.

      Reply
    • Optimistic 25th November 2021 at 9:16 am

      Yes we all have days of reflection but try to remember the good times so you do not feel so deponent. Try to learn from the things that have happened in your past so you do not fall into the same experience again. One is never to old to enjoy life, just do not try to hard and things will fall into place eventually….. take care

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    • Optimistic 25th November 2021 at 9:17 am

      Despondent

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    • Cheers on toast 25th November 2021 at 9:33 am

      There is a lot of truth in the saying about if you hang onto the past it will stop you from moving forwards, but there are no ways of deleting history from your mind so it just has to be ways of coping with it.
      I have many regrets from my past and at times they come back to haunt me which is ok those thoughts are temporary and only surface when triggered by a memory.
      I have learnt from those mistakes and acted differently since.

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      • MikeyG 25th November 2021 at 9:48 am

        Yes I agree, as I said earlier in response to another member I think the time of year isnt really helping and that is acting as a trigger.

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    • adeliza0165 25th November 2021 at 11:09 am

      Same here but it doesn’t help pondering over the past and wishing you could have done things differently, even though they were fine at the time.
      I think when you’re young you have a different outlook – you’re going out, enjoying life, taking things for granted and that special person you meet slips through your fingers because of your pride!
      It’s not until you get older and certain things have happened over time that your thought process has changed/ altered and you value everything more and people mean more to you and you wish you could have done this and that differently when you were young… but you learn from it all and for that, it carves you into a different person – the person you wish you were when you were young! It happens to most of us but can only happen through life’s experiences.
      We always think that others are having a better life but we’re all living similar lives.
      This time of year isn’t great for me and I do get very low but I know I have to snap out of it and get some positive thoughts going.
      Joining different groups/ activities helps – you get to meet people. Maybe the gym or joining a walking/ hiking club?
      Meeting up with friends and family creates great times and memories and hopefully you will meet that special someone to create special times and memories with😊👍

      Reply
      • MikeyG 25th November 2021 at 11:14 am

        Thankyou for those words Adeliza and yes I do agree, in hindsight I think that with the time of year it is has not helped the thoughts and stresses at work have made me a bit low which hasnt helped either….a perfect storm really.

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    • Lorraine1 25th November 2021 at 11:41 am

      I wonder whether I have missed opportunities because of preconceived ideas of what I thought made a good relationship. I am learning to live in the here and now and enjoy what comes along…

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      • MikeyG 25th November 2021 at 11:46 am

        I think i have also had those preconceived ideas, Maybe I need to also live in the here and now……wise words Lorraine

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        • Lillybet 25th November 2021 at 5:58 pm

          You can’t change the past but you can change the future live in the present x

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        • MikeyG 25th November 2021 at 6:02 pm

          I know Lillybet I honestly do, and usually all is well ( i’m a very laid back person ) but just recently these thoughts have appeared, But, I will try harder to return to my usual self I promise.

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    • Moya 26th November 2021 at 11:41 am

      Good grief! 57, you’ve hardly started. It seems to me you drifted, you were carried along by your dreams of the future and not concentrating on the joys you already had and building on them. It’s a bit like saving. You put aside a sum of money every month. A few years down the line you’ll be surprised with what you have. It is never too late. Be sad for the odd mistake you may have made in the past, let it go and start from here and now. I re-evaluated my life and now at the age of 78 I am enjoying life, not withstanding wrinkles, grey hair and wonky knees. Go for it.

      Reply
    • Mother Goose 27th November 2021 at 4:49 pm

      Never give up on your dreams. Life is what you make it, so follow your dreams.
      I believe things happen for a reason and people come and go in our lives for a purpose. We don’t always know the reason why.
      I’m sure many of us can look back on past relationships and think “what if”. I know I have.
      You now have to focus on yourself and go for what you want. You may even find your happy ever after on the way. 😁
      Wishing you all the best on your next adventure

      Reply
    • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 6:49 pm

      Loved reading all our comments. I must say it helps you realise you’re not alone. Everyone seems so open and honest. I can relate to what you’re all saying. Hope MikeyG has found it helpful too. It’s good to talk.

      Reply
    • Maureen2020 27th November 2021 at 6:56 pm

      Glad to hear that MikeyG. Lots of folk hate xmas. Sometimes we can’t forget what happened one particular xmas. My daughter hates it.

      Reply
    • Alexandra 2013 27th November 2021 at 8:32 pm

      I don’t think being married is important as much as being with someone you care about. I expect a lot of people when young had an ideal picture in their heads of what the future holds for them and I fully expect a very few got there. I never had any expectations and still don’t. Yes looking back I could have done things differently but that’s because I have a different mindset now. One day at a time – don’t expect much – see what’s around the next corner. We might be pleasantly surprised. But the important thing is try try try not to hide under the darkness that sometimes creeps in – don’t give it room space.

      Reply
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