Home Forums Dating Dating when you’re over 50

bee.bryce Posted 2 years ago
Dating when you’re over 50

Single for 10 yrs, I’m n old hand on dating sites. But I wondered if anyone else finds them a challenge?

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55 likes & 590 replies
    • Fee123 30th January 2021 at 9:47 am

      Hi there, new to this site but thought that I would add a wee comment about online dating. I have used various different sites off and on for the past 6 years. Have had dates and have to say the guys have been decent blokes but just not for me. Dating sites aren’t my preferred route as I prefer the old fashioned face to face approach!! Difficult at my time of life as there aren’t any decent pubs/clubs which cater for an old disco queen like myself. Or they are full of young guys who fancy their chances with an older woman! Nae chance…. I too, have joined a few local meetup groups and they are a really good way of getting to know folk in a relaxed, no hassle environment. We will need to hang in there until this lockdown is eased. 😊

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      • Sue2803 14th February 2021 at 10:17 am

        I’ve looked at meet up groups but apart from book club doesn’t seem to be much going on local to me . Do you all travel miles for these meet ups I’m in Brentwood Essex

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        • Bronners 14th February 2021 at 3:28 pm

          I live not far from Brentwood and your are right not too many meet up groups in Essex I am in wickford my brother lives Brentwood

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        • Sue2803 15th February 2021 at 8:59 am

          Thank you for reply I think there are quite a few in Southend as I have a friend who lives there and she is often out (well she was before the lockdown)

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        • Bronners 15th February 2021 at 9:27 am

          That’s good to know but how do you find out where meet ups are on here would be nice to find out for post lockdown x

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        • Sue2803 15th February 2021 at 9:59 am

          I’m not sure on restless but if you get the Meetup app you can filter it to county and find them from there

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        • Deleted User 20th February 2021 at 9:36 am

          That might be down to Covid, I use the meet ups for walking (in normal times) and there are things on most days with different groups.

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      • Anonymous User (no longer active) 22nd August 2021 at 9:11 am

        Good morning I am Michael a retired widower and live in Blackpool new on this site would you like to chat

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    • EnglishgirlinWales 31st January 2021 at 1:16 am

      I recently joined the site, reading the comments here it would seem that once we pass 50 we’re more cautious when it comes to making new connections. After a great 24 yr marriage my first husband lost and long battle with cancer. We had discussed my moving on and getting married again – I signed up with an online dating site, first mistake was stating that I was widowed – where do all these oddballs come from? I’m not too daft so didn’t fall for them and changed my status to single , I mentioned it in my bio but those just trawling for easy prey would slide straight by. I met a couple of guys and married one. For many reasons it hasn’t worked out and after 8 yrs we’re parting ways. However, we have both had reasonable company and some great times together so not all bad. IF I tried it again, I’d go slower and be sure that our priorities in life were more well matched. Friendship is the way forward I think.

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      • loislane 9th February 2021 at 2:07 pm

        Sorry for your loss, I think when you e had a good first marriage, it’s harder to imagine life with someone else. I came off match as I felt many were not genuine, all they seemed to want was slim, attractive girls, judging by many, most needed to take a good look at themselves. I had ones who wanted to keep me talking as they were getting over breakups. On here, I’ve had a few men contact me directly, then ghost me, and they seem to think it’s a free dating service, so watch out for that one.

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        • EnglishgirlinWales 9th February 2021 at 6:24 pm

          You are right, after good marriage it’s a tough thing to move forward. I think on reflection I made a bad choice bourne out of loneliness but when you feel so lonely sitting next to the person who is supposed to love you it’s time to change. I think that a lot of dating sites facilitate lies of all sorts.
          After losing my first husband I really just wanted any potential date to get a health check in case they were likely to pop their clogs too soon 🤦‍♀️ Obviously I never asked anyone to do that!!
          I’ve chatted with a couple of guys on here who have been very understanding of the fact that I’m in no rush. But I’ve also found the site great for chatting with women too.

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        • loislane 9th February 2021 at 6:31 pm

          Me too, I thought they were nice, chatted for a month then nothing for 20 off days, then back again then nothing, another did the same, and at one point I thought they were working in tandem. Then another said oh you’re back on freedating, I hadn’t a clue of what he was on about. Now it makes sense, and I hate that I feel duped once more.

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        • Gill B 26th February 2021 at 6:25 pm

          Isn’t that part of the game of a narcistic person? Male or female. Spot their prey (vulnerable, lonely, kind person) – their approach to play the low mood card so they have your sympathy vote then play cat and mouse … but if you were to ask why you hadn’t heard from them, it would be your fault. Ghosting could be a control thing keeping you in their web … just saying. Not saying that anyone on here is like that, how would you know?

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        • loislane 2nd March 2021 at 1:52 pm

          thing is Gill, it has happened on here

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        • Gill B 2nd March 2021 at 6:34 pm

          Oh I’m sorry Lois … I’m just not sure how you pick up on this in time .. no-one deserves to be treated like that!

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        • Sue2803 14th February 2021 at 10:22 am

          What do you mean ghost me

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        • loislane 14th February 2021 at 11:05 am

          Ghosting is when you suddenly don’t hear from someone any more, no reasons, I know…it’s a term used for dating. Guess some don’t bother saying I’m sorry but…

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        • Just me 23rd February 2021 at 6:04 pm

          ghosting is when they disappear – dont reply online/phone/ text and you would be blocked from contact via FB etc

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    • Twitcher64 31st January 2021 at 6:55 am

      I’m thinking about joining one when were out of Lockdown whenever that will be. Find it very daunting but at 55, what choice do I have. Lost my Partner of 20years last May and I’m getting very lonely

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      • vivb 1st February 2021 at 11:46 am

        I joined a walking group just to meet people. We have had some great laughs. Obviously its not meeting at the moment. Tried dating sites but don’t think they are for me. Good luck.

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      • loislane 9th February 2021 at 2:11 pm

        I’m 58, has never worked out for me, I seem to attract the narcissists of this world. It makes me sad when people lose their loved ones, I think it’s actually worse than my situation. Hope you find someone eventually, you’ll have better luck with mutual shared interests than awful dating sites.

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      • Sue2803 14th February 2021 at 11:30 am

        Think we’re all feeling a bit lonely at times during the lockdown be careful though I think sometimes dating sites can make you feel it even more intensely 🤔 this site seems a better way of dealing with it 😉

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        • Bronners 14th February 2021 at 3:33 pm

          I think we all feel lonely in this lockdown I have been widowed for 5 years I would love to have a male companion now but it is very hard at moment with these restrictions.
          I am a bit dubious about online sights , hopefully when life gets back to some sort of normality it may be possible to find someone which will end my loneliness xx

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        • Anonymous User (no longer active) 22nd August 2021 at 9:15 am

          Good morning I am Michael I lost my wife 6 years ago this is my first time on a site I know how you feel loneliness is not good I have found out I would love to chat with you when you are free regards Michael

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    • Marica 31st January 2021 at 6:40 pm

      I do agree that it is important to be friends first as we get older. I met my first husband on a dating site in my 20’s , he seemed fine at first turned out to be a paranoid control freak and I went through hell. And 21 years after divorce, he is still a nightmare despite getting remarried and keeping all the property etc, I also then tried dating sites again after divorce and ended up for 3 months with a narcissist of a biggest order , I was stupid enough to not see this at first . Older and wider now. My second husband i met through dancing. But I tried the dating site here with no joy at all and Tbh, I don’t trust them at all now. Roll on being able to meet people face to face if it is meant to be with a kind heart

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      • loislane 9th February 2021 at 2:21 pm

        Marcia, real sorry to hear it, I’ve had the same problems with narcissists, my ex fiance moved on before we officially split up. He said he was a nice guy, but I would have been his fourth wife if we had of married, anyhow, he moved on quickly and I now think I’ve had a lucky escape. Two husband’s…one was physically and mentally abusive…second was psychologically abusive, stalky, creepy, totally untrustworthy. Another partner of 16 years screwed me over and psychologically played games with my kids heads, I left five years ago, can’t go into details, just angry with myself for being so blind. I was getting my counselling diplomas, that got sabotaged. Just doesn’t seem to work out. Come off match, never going on there again. To find on here, men are using direct messages to freedate, so watch yourself on that because I really liked one.

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        • Marica 9th February 2021 at 5:26 pm

          Agree Lois. You sound like a kind trusting person and sadly , those are the women that narcissists go for . You have learned a lesson now luckily . I really hope you find someone worthy of you . And thank you for the warning

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        • loislane 9th February 2021 at 5:40 pm

          Thanks Marcia, and you too,x

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    • Annie47 1st February 2021 at 5:08 pm

      Very much so !

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    • Chere 2nd February 2021 at 2:25 pm

      I Would just love to chat to people

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      • loislane 9th February 2021 at 5:48 pm

        Exactly, even so we need a connection. Some fizzle out straight away. Some go on then stop talking. It’s never-ending, and I’ve heard from men on those sites that they have similar problems too.

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    • Brighton Belle 9th February 2021 at 8:55 am

      Lots scammers+ married men etc on dating sites no photos or full profiles …..Had good chats with some men but might leave to fate…..

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      • muriel_mg 9th February 2021 at 5:25 pm

        Yes my ex was one of those married men on dating sites! Scamming me never mind the women on there.

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        • loislane 9th February 2021 at 5:42 pm

          Terrible, they seem to be everywhere, Muriel, they don’t realise that we are glad to be rid of them, yet they go on to others like us, it’s not other women’s fault’s either, these men know how to charm and manipulate the unsuspecting.

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        • muriel_mg 9th February 2021 at 5:53 pm

          Yes I agree! Mine found another woman 9 years older than himself. Good luck to her she certainly fell for his false charm. My life is much better without him.

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    • loislane 9th February 2021 at 2:41 pm

      Dating for over 50s…hmm…harder than ever…people set in their ways….or still not over their exes or love of their life….still married and looking for fun….poor wives in the background…often too far away and it’s ‘such a shame’…wanting women at this age to be very attractive, very slim, high paid jobs etc…so in other words…you need to never have aged at all….ridiculous!

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    • Brighton Belle 9th February 2021 at 6:23 pm

      Yes I agree men want phone number or contact you on what’s app far too quickly and say don’t like texting surely if interested and genuine should be prepared to see how situation progresses

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      • loislane 9th February 2021 at 6:38 pm

        Oh my exactly that, I had one say he was picky…those words certainly made my ears prick up. He didn’t contact me for quite a while, then did, gave me a phone number and said to WhatsApp him, I never did, just didn’t trust it, I deleted my match account yesterday

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    • JAN 65 10th February 2021 at 12:48 am

      Dating groups are scary. Can’t trust they are safe.
      Just want to meet people and get to know them rather than actually dating right away. Need somewhere or something to join just for fun, meeting like minded people socially for friendship fun and laughter. Lots of different people socially no expectations other than having a good laugh 😂

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      • Janevalv59 22nd February 2021 at 10:58 am

        That’s what I thought and I love to dance so I joined a ballroom dance lesson /class that advertised no partner necessary. we got there and realised the only men were there with their partners and you could borrow them for a dance or dance on your own, not really what I was expecting lol

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        • loislane 25th February 2021 at 1:49 pm

          I started ballroom lessons at 36, until I got injured, been on and off. It’s ok if you have a partner, not many single men go and make the effort.

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    • Yogagirl 13th February 2021 at 11:08 am

      Lol 😂

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    • Deleted User 13th February 2021 at 2:01 pm

      Hi all. I have been on dating sites for over a year and have finally given up. Whilst there are thousands of people looking for love, there are thousands who are playing at dating. I’d like a partner but am fed up with the nonsense that a lot of men (and women from men’s perspectives) come with. I won’t go into details as I might offend people but I also found out that most dating sites are linked and some admit to using fake profiles which is why you get lots of attention when you first join.
      Anyway I’m happy but lonely for the first time in my life. I get to see about one person a month, been working from home since last March and only have my 2 cats to be silly with lol.

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      • No time to read… 13th February 2021 at 8:34 pm

        I’ve recently been exploring dating sites and I am struggling with the beauty contest and feel quite uncomfortable being viewed and judged. My Rest Less subscription ends next month and I’m in no hurry to renew it. I think I’d rather chat to singletons on a forum like this and if there’s a connection then that’s great. Can we reshape online dating?

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        • Marica 14th February 2021 at 10:50 am

          It is tricky if you start to compare yourself with others, No Time to Read. I have felt the same as you and thought I have no hope but then I think if someone senses you are right for them, they will contact you . However, like you I am letting my membership lapse and made it very clear to the site that I do not want a renewal . Getting to know someone and engaging trust and friendship are the most important things now in any relationship now we are older.

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        • loislane 25th February 2021 at 1:51 pm

          Alas I’m finding that these men want to get to know you at first, but there are so many women on here they are spoilt for choice, so be careful of the direct messaging.

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    • Leighla 14th February 2021 at 7:54 pm

      I’m new on the sites and agree they are a challenge.

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    • Deleted User 15th February 2021 at 6:26 pm

      I’ve had some fun dates from dating online but they are hard work. So many disappear without a word. Same conversations… It would be so much nicer to meet someone in a pub (remember those), through friends or even on a dog walk. 🤷‍♀️

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    • Chrissywicks 18th February 2021 at 4:05 pm

      I sadly came across a few scammers on the dating site I was on, but thankfully I didn’t end up parting with money. Ended up with someone for 3 years, but sadly that’s now ended, but I’m not keen to go onto a dating site again. Problem is how do you then get to meet people and firm friendships, as I rarely go out, and not at all during this lockdown

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      • Bronners 18th February 2021 at 9:43 pm

        That is the problem at the moment I was having the very concersation with my sister in law tonight funnily enough. Where can you meet someone ? I thought by joining sites like this it would open doors to make new friends and that’s a start lol x

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    • Bronners 18th February 2021 at 9:40 pm

      Hi I have been looking at them recently as been widowed for 5 years looking at reviews they seem a bit of trouble to people. Have you a preferred sight that would be worth a try

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    • Susie58 19th February 2021 at 11:47 am

      Ive read all your comments about online dating and actually found it reassuring in some ways as I thought it was just me who had these problems with men disappearing. Recently I had 3 very long conversations with one guy who sounded perfect last conversation he said how much he enjoys talking to me will be in touch very soon and then disappeared. Its not in my nature to chase anyone but it really can knock your confidence and question yourself, although I wont let it. Ive been on and off dating sites for 15 years had a few longish relationships but just didnt work out. There must be better ways to meet people. A lot of meetup groups consist of a few women and I guy who normally looks totally browbeaten!!

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      • loislane 25th February 2021 at 1:56 pm

        Same here, it’s cowardly, you think someone likes you then they ghost you, but people just play with others feelings. I won’t go on the dating sites now, waste of money, waste of time. A lot of men on there are married, or separated, and obviously filling their time waiting to get back with an ex or out to hurt as many women as they can which is what an ex did to me.

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    • Gingerfieldmama 21st February 2021 at 8:22 am

      I have never tried them, all feels a bit false to me.

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      • loislane 25th February 2021 at 1:59 pm

        They are false, also they fake generate interest in you, so you get lots of views from men you wouldn’t look at twice, the poor men contact you and you have to turn them down. The thing that these companies forget, is that there has to be some physical attraction to even get a conversation started.

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    • Sue2803 21st February 2021 at 8:36 am

      I can’t get to grips with the order of the messages on this site dit’s not in date order. Can anyone explain it
      The messages don’t seem to be related to replies either

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    • Deleted User 21st February 2021 at 9:26 am

      I’ve met some really lovely people through various dating sites, a few remain good friends…but there are plenty of false profiles, time wasters and married on there too. Definitely a challenge especially during lockdown.

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    • phill_not40 21st February 2021 at 4:58 pm

      i been on a few sites and not had any luck all i got was young women trying to get me to buy stuff for them especially iphones ipads and iphone top up ,so i gave up and been single for 9 year

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    • lesleymacintyre 21st February 2021 at 5:42 pm

      As someone who within the last year has met my now partner Via a dating site I can only say, it worked for me! That said, I did come across a load of liars and guys saying they were looking for a relationship when actually they just wanted their egos massaging. I learnt to avoid anyone who was only separated – they are not ready for another relationship yet and it will invariably end in tears simply because they haven’t had time to be ‘themselves’ and be comfortable with what they want from life. Same attitude to anyone recently widowed – again though desperately lonely it seems they just want a void filling in the early months.
      When I started chatting with my now partner, he told me what he did and it was actually very easy to find him on the internet so I knew he was pretty genuine. Do your snooping, check people out etc. Ask questions , if you get the runaround, evasive answers, big delays in responding to you etc or only being around at certain strange times of the day, move on
      A new relationship is all about compromise so unless both parties are prepared for that, forget it. I lost my husband Just over 4 years ago to illness and it honestly took me all this time to be in the right place to accept someone else. It’s unfair in this situation to try and compare the new person with your ‘ex’. I felt terribly lonely at times, it’s natural, we need human contact but it needs to be with the right person. Dating sites are great to see ‘what’s out there’ – don’t take it too seriously, read the profiles, some of the language, ha, people just don’t say things like ‘I like to ride bareback down a beach’ or overly flowery language – they are the scammers! Be sensible, take it all with a pinch of salt, laugh at some of it, – no there are no guarantees you will meet ‘the one’ but then there are no guarantees anywhere of meeting someone. Maybe I was ‘lucky’ I don’t know but I do live by the adage that all things happen for a reason, we just don’t always see it yet. Happy hunting! X

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    • Janevalv59 22nd February 2021 at 10:46 am

      Hi I’m 62and I’ve been single much longer so my daughter suggested trying them but honestly so many of the men seem to think it’s an excuse to be unpleasantly sexual and in some cases unnecessarily vulgar. So I’ve given up I haven’t found anyone who seems vaguely interested in getting to know me as a person first. I don’t think it’s my fault but it’s just tiring.

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    • Coast66 23rd February 2021 at 8:01 pm

      Not many men replying to this thread, Im 54 lost my long term partner to cancer in 2008 and brought up two children on my own, I learned how to salsa dance over the last 10 years and made some good friends, I have totally given up on dating as it’s a scam and if you are going to find someone it won’t be via a photo on a dating website. Plenty of woman also players on dating sites as well as blokes.

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      • loislane 25th February 2021 at 2:03 pm

        Absolutely true, but we are speaking from our personal experiences. I was often told by men what some women were like, I’m not surprised by it.

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    • Just me 27th February 2021 at 5:40 pm

      its a bit worrying that most of the replies are about men behaving badly – do we, as women need to be less trusting and more enquiring?

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    • Silverclarity 2nd March 2021 at 5:20 pm

      Single all my life but without partner 5 years. Yes, I find them a challenge because people seem so insincere. The men I have chatted to want to know my phone number immediately without even attempting to get to know me over the dating site – I give them a wide berth. I’m not that bothered anymore and still believe if someone is meant to be with me, they will show up in the most unexpected place. That’s me on my own for the rest of time then…..LOL.

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    • Cullbaggie 13th March 2021 at 5:02 pm

      I Joined match about 4 weeks ago- it does depress you when you get very few replies to your messages? i am separated about 6 months ago with no chance of reconciling,too much damage done by departed wife? marriage was dead 2 years before final nail. perhaps i was being too green that people would be looking for the same thing as me, i am learning quite quickly.

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      • Cullbaggie 6th June 2021 at 2:25 pm

        Learn’t lots of new things since being on a dating site for 4 months, how rude some people can be also how untruthful about age as well, also it seems that only the highly educated seem to grace the world of dating!
        i treat people at face value and hope people do the same to me!

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    • Brighton Belle 31st May 2021 at 6:34 pm

      Ive used Facebook dating I’ve spoken to genuine men good mannered not crude (well ones I’ve spoken to weren’t)

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    • BettyBoop 2nd June 2021 at 7:46 pm

      Such hard work, have to have a break ever so often because it becomes soul destroying 😪

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    • Chrisorg 29th September 2021 at 1:44 pm

      Have a good day bee.bryce! Today due to the global pandemic of COVID-19 online dating services are very popular. I hope you will find a good partner, just keep searching! It’s never late to date; believe me, I’m over 60 and found a beautiful woman from dating sites, even if you are over 50, bro! Just try to register on some sites, look at some meeting groups in your region. Meet new people, make new connections, and life is not over after 50! If you are looking for https://shagbook.com/, you can google the related sites.

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    • loislane 26th February 2021 at 9:22 pm

      Brilliant, I’m a night owl

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    • Gill B 26th February 2021 at 6:31 pm

      A friend of mine has been married 7 years – they love each other dearly but realised that as one is a night owl and the other an early bird they woudl live separately – round the corner from one another. They have date nights, and day dates at weekend, but find it easier to do their work (both working from home of course) living separately. It is an amazing relationship.

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    • Deleted User 20th January 2021 at 7:09 pm

      Me too, I simply could not imagine wanting to be with someone everyday now.

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    • Deleted User 20th January 2021 at 7:13 pm

      Haha. Yes, it is liberating to have control over your own life and not to have to make adjustments for others

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    • Marica 14th February 2021 at 10:50 am

      Ditto Marian!

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    • loislane 26th February 2021 at 1:58 pm

      True, I’ve had to re-evaluate what I want, a relationship would be nice but live separately, and they can do their own cleaning and washing and pick up after themselves, I never want to do all that…

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    • loislane 9th February 2021 at 2:24 pm

      Indeed and more fool the ones who pay up. Sad times really for both sexes. Whatever happened to the human race?

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    • MarianHaste 22nd February 2021 at 10:45 am

      Anyone who suggests you fork out for anything other than your share of something in the early days should ring a bell, ewa. If they can’t even afford a phone top up then, blimey, run a mile.

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    • Marica 9th February 2021 at 5:28 pm

      Yep , Sue. I think that is the difference between men and women , many cannot just accept friendship and “assume” you will change

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    • Sue2803 3rd February 2021 at 12:46 pm

      Yes Marica they say they want friendship but then it becomes obvious they want more and usually far too quickly

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    • MarianHaste 20th January 2021 at 6:12 pm

      If I were single, that’s what I would be seeking, Sue. The idea of living with someone ever again fills me with horror.

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    • Marica 3rd February 2021 at 12:24 pm

      I agree with that, Sue, but somehow , it does not always seem that friendship is the only thing some people want but it would suit me as it is a good way to build up trust

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    • muriel_mg 15th January 2021 at 1:05 pm

      Very true about the stereotype and they forget that many of us have to continue working past 60 now because of the pension age changes. I think that encourages us to be independent though 🙂

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    • ewabottomley0 15th January 2021 at 11:46 am

      I agree Angie. I have never been on any of the dating sites but have a few friends who met their partners there and are happy together. Couple are even married. So I will be happy to give it a try. Just have to be trusting your intuition. And obviously thouse who are asking for you to pay for their tickets to come over to you, to pay for their phone top up etc… are surely no no. 😊

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    • AnnB 15th January 2021 at 10:29 am

      I’m in northern Ireland. The only problem is most groups here are oversubscribed and are during the week. When you are over 55 you automatically get stereotyped as being a senior citizen and are overlooked as being independent and adventurous ladies.

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    • Sue2803 14th January 2021 at 8:03 am

      Why does it have to be looking for love friendships are important too and days out or holidays can be really enjoyed without romance

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