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  • Dating over 50

    Hi,

    I’m just curious as to others experience on here with dating in the 50+ bracket. I’ve found myself back on the market again and have been trying various online dating sites with very little success. The lockdown/Covid situation hasn’t helped matters. It seems impossible to find genuine, decent people willing to communicate and date. I’ve found there are a lot of time wasters, hardly anyone replies to initial contact messages and if you do get a reply things just seem to fizzle out. I am begging to doubt myself and wonder what I am doing wrong? It was so different back in the past…

    How are others finding this??

     

     

    Posted by PaulW69
Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Reply by sayersjohn9

      Online dating is expensive  and a waste of time in my opinion I’m 62 now so it’s not easy to find a  genuine person online .the old usual way of meeting people in pubs etc went out the window years ago I think especially now with Covid going on so if you are lucky enough to connect a lot if people won’t meet anyway for fear of virus

    • Reply by Christinex

      Hi, I too have tried on line dating but to no avail. Found liars, cheats and those who just want to try to scam you out of money. I hope that you do find that special someone we all deserve to find love and happiness. Christine

      • Reply by amorc3388

        Hi Christine, guess what? I have just received a contact a few days ago from a lady on this site who really led me up the garden path calling me all affectionate names to schmooze me and told me she couldn’t wait to meet me and said she was looking for a serious relationship. We had a very long engaging and open conversation which lasted almost 2 hours that was extremely positive and open hearted and included a lot of laughter. Then l got a text message from her this morning telling me she didn’t want a relationship with anyone, and after telling me twice that l lived very near to where she lives which was very fortunate, she then sent me a message this morning that she had a big issue with the distance between us! I wrote back to her telling her that she was a liar and very insincere and not to contact me again. I suppose l got a bit of a shock because she sounded very sincere and kept sending me very affectionate messages with kisses. I got the impression that this Rest Less site had in general very genuine people who joined it. I was so wrong. It now turns out that it’s not a lot different to these on line dating cites if you want to meet someone with a serious relationship in mind. This is a warning to anyone who thinks that this is a safe site with genuine people. It’s not.

        Best wishes, Robert.

        • Reply by Christinex

          Sorry to hear that you have had yet another bad experience. It does make you realise that actually the way we used to meet someone was so much better. At least you could see them, talk to them and know they were who they said they were. Take care Christine

        • Reply by amorc3388

          Hi Christine, I agree with you completely. I had an idea a few months ago which could be a lot better than meeting people on online dating sites. Why doesn’t someone organise a meeting place where people looking for friendship or a more serious long term relationship gather together on a certain pre-arranged day and time so people can meet each other face to face and put the people in small groups depending on whether they are looking for a friendship or a more serious relationship. This seems to me a much better idea of meeting people than online dating sites. I can’t understand why no one has thought of this idea after all the bad experiences people have using online dating sites! At the moment this Covid lock down could pose a problem for this idea because of the rule of no more than 6 people meeting each other as well as the 2 metres social distancing rule, but after all this Covid nightmare is over or gets better it could be an answer to the trauma of trying to find people online. Best wishes, Robert.

    • Reply by aidea

      Good evening. It is truth. It is very difficult(don’t want to use the word”impossible”,especially at our age.

    • Reply by Anonymous User

      I have tried online dating, actually signed up for an over 50’s specific site as well, i was unaware that most sites are linked, could not believe how many fake profiles I came across, (mind you I didn’t realise this at first) and the fact that no-one actually seems to want to meet up, when I realised I was blocking more people than talking too I knew it was time to delete the app, in saying that although I did have a few dates, if there’s no spark then there’s nothing you can do about it but I did make some new friends.

    • Reply by Colette2809

      Hi. To give a woman’s perspective I felt compelled to reply. Internet dating can only be described as a minefield. After a limited period on dating sites I feel like I could write a book, the only honest men I  met were those who admitted to only wanting sex, the others were deluded about themselves. How hard can it be I  thought to meet a fun loving, caring person who wanted to enjoy an active social life, weekends walking on a nice beach, meals at home with a nice bottle of wine etc etc. Its seems to me men like that don’t exist,  I would love someone to prove me wrong.

      I would love to hear from anyone who will tell me that I was just unlucky, in the meantime I am happy to socialise with my friends and family.

      Lottie

    • Reply by Jules28

      Hi. It is hard to date in this modern age.. Everything is so throw, away. Even relationships. I must admit when I was first bold enough to try online dating I found it quite exciting. Being able to choose who I dated from the pick of the bunch. Alas I realised how naive I was!!

      Soon realised if their status was widowed they usually ended asking me for money! I have also had marriage proposals from men I’ve never met. Married men who claim to be single. Men wanting one might stands and so the list goes on. Now over 6 years on and no dates I find myself happy to be single!!

      It is hard. If you want a relationship don’t give up. They say you find love when you least expect it.

       

      • Reply by amorc3388

        Hello Jules, thank you so much for your reply message and for your encouraging advice not to give up the search for a good relationship.

        So you also have experienced the hassles of trying to find a decent genuine compatible person using these online dating sites!

        Just to let you know that l am a retired Psychology teacher in the adult education sector and l have also held courses on relationship building and Self Development. I am also a professional astrological consultant, although now l am retired l don’t do too much of this kind of work these days. Apart from doing psychology and psychological and spiritual development, after many years of experience l would conclude that we humans are very complex creatures and there are so many factors that make us what we are.

        I also think that astrology plays a large part regarding our psychological make up as well as other factors such as our life conditioning and experiences, genetics, the effects our parents have on us, and so much more. I haven’t mentioned my age: l am 71. (although many people tell me l look a lot younger!).

        I agree with you that love comes to us when we are not expecting it. But for so many people it’s not easy to meet people who you would like to have a loving relationship with, especially when you get to my age! Hence the reason why so many people use online dating sites. I have had quite a few loving relationships in my life and now after a ten year relationship came to an end almost two years ago, l find myself looking for another relationship. Without trying to sound a little egotistical, l have gathered a lot of knowledge about people and relationships over many years and l have much to share with others about what l have learned. For example according to John Gray in his books ‘Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus’ and his later book ‘Beyond Mars And Venus’ he says that: quote: “Many times, what we’re upset about in the present time is such an overreaction because only 10% of it has to do with the right now and 95% of it has to do with twenty other experiences in your past that hasn’t been resolved.”

        In other words, what John Gray is saying is that most people bring to a new relationship with another person a great deal of stuff that hasn’t been dealt with from their past and only relate to and perceive the person they are relating to about 10% of the time. This may seem like an exaggeration but for so many people it happens to be true. So it takes time to get to know the person you are relating to and see them as they really are instead of projecting our past fears and experiences onto them. Most of us project a lot of fantasies and unreal expectations onto other people and we rarely see them as they really are, but if we are honest with ourselves we eventually stop projecting these fantasies and ideal images onto others and begin to see who they actually are.

        My other main message is what Paul has said here on this site: In order to have a good healthy and joyful relationship with others it is essential to love and respect yourself first. When people become very desperate and needy for a relationship it is usually because they don’t love and respect themselves enough.

        Apologies for this very long reply. It would be great to hear your comments about what l have said here and l would love to hear from others too on this site about what l have said.

        Many blessings, Robert.

        • Reply by Jules28

          Hi Robert. Thank you for your reply.

          I must say my first impressions of this site is very positive and friendly.

          It’s nice to learn about people and feel part of something worthwhile.

          I hope you are keeping safe and well.

          Kind regards.

          Jules

        • Reply by amorc3388

          Thanks for that Jules. You are very kind. I wish the same for you. Keep well, safe and happy whatever you do.

          Many blessings, Robert.

    • Reply by debraharrison000

      Hello and good morning to you! I have found myself in a similar position after my marriage ended last year. Myself and a friend (in a similar position) have both become a little bewildered by the whole ‘dating in your 50’s’ scene. We have recently started a blog on our experiences and it would be absolutely brilliant if we could get a male perspective on it! Check us out and follow us at www.funkyfiftyfemale.com    it would be great to hear from you! And good luck, Debra

      • Reply by PaulW69

        Hi Debra,

        thanks for your reply. Yes I will check out your website and what a great idea. Maybe self promotion is the way to go although filtering undesirables will be more hard work. I’ve given up now on internet dating as the only ones who benefit from them are the owners creaming the money off poor singletons.

        Have you read the reply from Robert as he hits the nail on the head. 20 years ago I went to work down South and knew very few people down there. I remember initially it was a very lonely time for me but I was 30 then. I read a great book by Dr David Burns called ‘Intimate Connections’, ok it sounds a bit dodgy but actually it is really useful for singles. It focuses on being happy with yourself first and feeling comfortable being single by concentrating on yourself (ie. build a social life, hobbies, interests etc..). The product of this is that you will naturally start to attract people. I think this is the way to go.

        Internet dating is horrendous and there are some horrible sites out there (POF, Tinder.. etc). I’ve only had one date and it turned out to be more like an interrogation. I was looking forward to a nice drink and chat but the lady I met was completely focussed on picking holes in my history. I am certainly not a liar and very open and honest, probably to my detriment. At the end of over 2 hours of this she said she would be happy to meet again. I then got a text saying that she had changed her mind and I wasn’t for her. The only piece of salient information she gave me was that her ex had done a runner on her with another woman. Maybe she had done me a favour? I was left bewildered by the experience.

        Another woman who I didn’t get to meet but spoke to over the phone again seemed to interrogate me rather than just chat. I found out that her profile name was not her real name. Her reason for this was that she had caught her ex cheating online and had gone ‘undercover’ to find him out…

        As a man I regularly see ‘one last try’ or ‘here we go again’ on women’s profiles. I have been told by women that a lot of men are just looking for ONS or sex. As a man I can say I have never experienced women doing this.

        Robert is right in saying that women get far more messages than men to deal with. That is a shame as the good ones get lost or overlooked.

        Good luck with you website. If I can be of any further help then please get in touch.

        regards,

        Paul

    • Reply by PaulW69

      Hi Robert,

      thanks for your reply and I totally agree with what you say. Is there a specific dating section on this website? I think I am going to take a backwards step and take a break from the horrendous internet dating sites and start thinking outside of the box.

      If there are any women who are genuinely interested reading this and want to know more then please get in touch…

      Regards,

      Paul

      • Reply by aidea

        Good evening. It is truth. It is very difficult(don’t want to use the word”impossible”,especially at our age.
        I had the same experience on dating sites.

      • Reply by amorc3388

        Hello again Paul, l can’t seem to find a specific dating section on this website. I had a little trouble when l first entered my own message seeking a compatible lady on this site as l didn’t know what section to put my message into. (to be honest it was a bit confusing so l didn’t enter an appropriate heading for my message due to a lack of guidance of what section would be appropriate.)

        So because of this confusion l would suggest that you keep your original heading ‘Dating Over 50’ when you send further messages to this site with the intention of meeting ladies on this site.

        Best wishes, Robert.

        • Reply by PaulW69

          Hi again Robert and thanks for your help. I have added some more info about me in my profile on here so they can get an idea about me and get in touch if they want to. Thanks.

        • Reply by amorc3388

          Hello again Paul, l have read your other message giving more information about yourself and your experiences with great interest. Please read my reply to Jules here on this site which gives more information about myself. It would be great to hear from you again. Can l ask you, where do you live?

          Best wishes, Robert.

        • Reply by PaulW69

          Hi Robert,

          yes I have read your reply to Jules with interest. I live in Nantwich in Cheshire.

          regards,

          Paul

        • Reply by amorc3388

          Hi again Paul, how are you doing? Sorry to have to tell you this but l had an unpleasant experience yesterday with a lady who contacted me and showed a great amount of enthusiasm and interest in wanting to meet me after we had a very long and engaging warm and open hearted telephone conversation. She was extremely warm and schmoozed me quite a lot by calling me very affectionate names and sending lots of kisses to me. She told me she was looking for a serious relationship with a genuine trustworthy man. The next morning she sent me a message saying she was not really interested in having a relationship with anyone, and after telling me twice the day before that it was good that l lived very near to her, she wrote to me telling me that she had serious issues with the distance between us!!! She then ended her message by asking me can we just be friends? I told her not to ever contact me again as she is another time waster just like a lot of people on these online dating sites. So l am just telling you this to tell you that l was a bit shocked to receive this kind of message as l thought this site had more genuine people on it. Unfortunately Paul, it turns out that it’s no better than most of these online dating sites if you expect to find someone for a long term genuine relationship. It seems that there are still ‘dodgy’ unreliable people on this site as there are on the online dating sites we spoke about earlier. Be very careful mate.

          I still wish you every success in your search for your ideal lady.

          Kind regards, Robert.

        • Reply by PaulW69

          Hi Robert,

          I’m really sorry to hear that and thanks for letting me know. I think caution at all times is needed.

          All the best.

          Regards,

          Paul

        • Reply by amorc3388

          I wish you every success!

          Best wishes Robert.

        • Reply by Anonymous User

          Hello Robert, thought I would attempt to send a message this way..apologies it’s following someone else post..

          I am finding this so frustrating and confusing, as my messages are not showing. I see you have sent me a reply, however it’s showing I don’t have permission to see it! Isabella.edis

           

           

           

    • Reply by amorc3388

      Hi Paul, my name is Robert and l know exactly how you feel. I have been using quite a few online dating sites myself for almost over one and a half years now. Sorry if l sound a little bit negative, but speaking from my own experience and talking to other people who have been using online dating sites to find love l have to tell you that online dating sites are not the best way to meet people for a genuine long term relationship. I would estimate that about 60% or more people who sign on to these online dating sites have mental or emotional problems, and many of them unfortunately are time wasters who don’t know what they are looking for. A lot of these people quite frankly are obnoxious and that is why they go on these online dating sites because not many people want to be with them. I’m not saying that you will never meet a genuine person through these online dating sites, but you have to be realistic and not be over enthusiastic every time you get a reply from a person. I have done quite a bit of research on these online dating sites and l would say that we men are at a great disadvantage compared to women in general who use these online dating sites. This is because in general women get a greater number of replies than men do. This explains why men waste a lot of time writing to women and find that they don’t receive many replies, simply because women are literally swamped with so many messages from men they simply don’t have time to look at all the messages sent to them.

      The other problem with online dating is that a lot of people lie about themselves and hide a lot of important information from you which leads to a lot of heartache, disappointment and anger when you find out what they didn’t want to tell you. The other big drawback with online dating is that it’s too competitive. There are too many people to choose from so there is a tendency for many people to be impatient with a person who doesn’t seem to provide all the qualities that people are looking for at the first point of contact. People simply move on to the next person on the list and don’t give the previous person enough time to get to know them properly. Do you know Paul, that a few years ago the best relationships l had were from putting a small advert in the Contacts section of a local newspaper or in a London freebee paper. In those days there was far less competition and it was much easier to meet genuine people. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be many newspapers that have Contact columns these days. My brother met his wife through a small ad in the Contacts column of a local newspaper!

      How about putting a message on this Restless site that you are looking for a genuine relationship? At least the people on this site seem a lot more genuine than most of the people who use online dating sites. I have put a message on this site myself. While l cannot guarantee that you will meet your ideal lady on this site it seems a lot better than using online dating sites.

      I hope this information was helpful. Wishing you all the best in your search for the right lady.

      Best wishes, Robert.

       

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