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Paula’splace Posted 6 months ago
Becoming invisible after 50 ?

I will be celebrating my 60th year in April 2022, but it is amazing how you almost become ‘invisible’ or disregarded after a certain age, for example, I have to admit to letting myself go a bit after the loss of my husband but since have lost two stone and bleached my hair blonde, now I receive more attention even invited for a coffee by a complete stranger yesterday (declined too may nutters where I live)
Also, my son had been struggling with a female work colleague for months taking advice from his 22-year-old girlfriend who has never even worked in an office. He mentioned it to me, I looked at the messages and asked about the situation gave my advice and opinion and it was resolved ! he was so grateful I received a huge bouquet of flowers – “Hello !’ I only have over 40 years of experience in office politics perhaps turn to your mother for advice in the future, just saying! The best was last week a plumber asked if I wanted to check with my husband before agreeing to replacement of the kitchen sink – I told him I would have a bit of difficulty doing that as he died four years ago, but felt confident I could make this monumental decision unaided! Is it just me ???

14 likes & 43 replies
    • Shirlann 18th November 2021 at 10:11 am

      No don’t think it is 😏I’m feeling the same way that all of a sudden you’re not there! As for mother’s advice 😁been telling my kids for years mother knows best!! Unfortunately haven’t always listened but have said should of listened to you 🙄🙃

    • Linpap 18th November 2021 at 11:36 am

      Haha loved reading this! I lost my husband just over year ago which was heartbreaking but now although of course I miss him and wish my life hadn’t taken this unexpected turn it has made me reevaluate myself and somehow I feel I’ve become my younger single self again I’m buying sexier clothes going out on dates definitely have a roving eye and just think sod it you never know when you might drop down dead so enjoy yourself while you can! Last week I also was invited for a coffee and went along the guy was donating a load of books in Oxfam said he lived on a boat and couldn’t store any more I just laughed out loud at thought of him sinking his boat with Oxfam books and we got chatting I’m not planning on taking him up on invite to visit his boat though!! But all these things just make me feel alive again and my 22 year old daughter says she considers me her best friend I was nervous of telling her I was dating but she has taken it in her stride and loves the gossip and her friends reckon they should come to me for advice I seem to have more success than them! Probably because at my time of life I can just be relaxed and playful I’m not trying to find someone to marry and have babies with. Next weekend I am going to stay with my daughter and two step daughters for a ‘girly’ weekend in Cardiff we’ll all be sharing clothes drinking cocktails chatting and planning on going to a music bar for a bit of a dance I can’t wait-and then the following weekend is Rest less Meetup in Stratford again I can’t wait!! I believe life is for the living I do still chat to my late husband and feel he is saying you go girl and is laughing at how sassy I have become dealing with car mechanics etc

    • Linpap 18th November 2021 at 4:46 pm

      I have just read what I wrote and feel it sounds as if I didn’t have a life while I was married that definitely wasn’t the case we did all sorts of mad stuff together travelled loads lived in various places some overseas laughed a lot and really had a great time together and we did also pursue our interests separately and together so it’s not like I’ve escaped from something as my first response maybe suggested it’s just I have got my mojo back to do all those things and more besides

    • Paula’splace 19th November 2021 at 9:02 am

      Well anyway, who cares if we are being ignored, more me time, I often think my friends are actually jealous of my newfound freedom being single and now retired too. Often asked what are you going to do?

    • Trampus 19th November 2021 at 9:39 am

      I won’t say I’ve become invisible, more like forgotten. Anybody else’s children seem to forget your birthday. anniversary and where you live etc. My youngest daughter visits a lot but she’s only 10 miles away. The other three live about a 100 – 150 miles away but we are expected to visit them to see grandchildren. I’m 72 and while still very active I get the feeling priorities are wrong here.

      • Shirlann 20th November 2021 at 1:14 pm

        I was forgotten this year and Mother’s Day see what happens next year 🙃

      • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 2:02 pm

        Trampus , of course they do ! mine still don’t know when my birthday is. I remind them every year well in advance too, and not hints, I tell them EXACTLY what I want don’t send your girlfriend who hardly knows me to buy what they think I might like and DO NOT SEND ME Lillies or Crysanthemums (Im not dead yet !)
        I have absolutely no guilt about doing so either, they remember where you are when they want a. loan and your number when they find themselves in the local police station-drunk and disorderly or stranded in a nightclub with lost wallet and phone at 3.0Oam Mum to the rescuse or car broken down in the middle of nowhere and didnt renew the car recovery. . PS and don’t even dare buy me flowers from the petrol station !!!!!

    • Robert K 19th November 2021 at 10:03 am

      I am not sure about being invisible but you are no longer part of the groovy gang. I used to work for one of the UK’s biggest company’s – the culture was at 50 you were thinking about retirement and most were gone by 55. I stayed until I was 61 – whenever I visited the Head Office I felt pretty ancient and a bit like everyone’s uncle. It was rather funny actually.

      • Linpap 19th November 2021 at 10:12 am

        Ah yes but it’s fun shocking your younger colleagues I had one rather patronising girl say to me that she guessed ‘at my age’ I might like to meet someone for ‘companionship’ I soon put her right on that!!

        • Linpap 19th November 2021 at 4:39 pm

          But I find the younger ones do also say ask Lin she’ll know!! Not sure how true that is…

        • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 1:52 pm

          Linpap my son’s can’t even bear to think about me even having a ‘date’ with a
          MAN !!! – (” do what you like!” ) Imagine the poor guy scrutinised by these four and the dog! They assure me I will never meet anyone like their Papa ( God I hope not ! (joke) ) I also laugh at the youngsters attempts to flatter, so when I tell them I’m 60 they go in with ‘ Oh you don’t look 60 then have no idea how old they should give me hilarious late 49 50 or actually my age 60 !
          PAPA AT 41 years old.

      • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 1:35 pm

        I know what you mean, before I retired the youngsters – christened me “Mum”

        • Linpap 20th November 2021 at 2:02 pm

          Haha not been called that yet! Maybe daughters are more understanding…your husband was quite a looker I hadn’t even met mine when he was that age! I was a late starter when it came to marriage and he was a bit older than me (second time round) but he said I was his 17 year old dream which I think is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me (ok I won’t get soppy now!)

        • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 2:15 pm

          Yes, he thought so !!! I was 24 and he was 41 when we got married, lied about his age ( I thought only women did that !) 17 year age gap, Mum liked him Dad did not, foreign too old blah blah womaniser – won’t last! It did though 38 years.

        • Linpap 20th November 2021 at 2:29 pm

          My parents complained they didn’t know mine properly we did get married in haste luckily didn’t repent at leisure we were really happy despite when I told friends and family I was getting married several asked ‘who to?’ We made it to 21 years

    • Shazzeroo 19th November 2021 at 9:12 pm

      Yes I agree, you do become invisible after 50+.Not bigging myself up, but I used to turn heads. Now I’m just greeted with are you ok love? Not in a nice, but patronising way. I work in a school and probably the oldest TA in school. It’s hard being around lots of younger people. Feel like the granny of the department. It’s not a nice feeling! Sorry this touched a nerve!

      • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 1:09 pm

        We just have to embrace it I think Shazzeroo, and smile and remember our ‘Head-turning days” I think every stage age of life has its rewards.
        I agree though being called Dear and Madam does make you feel your age, also I was reading a doctor’s report recently and it was hard to relate to “this 59 year old woman ” (that’s me !) . I never used to mind being called love but it does feel patronising now for some reason I agree, just reply ” I’m fine love how about you ?

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 19th November 2021 at 10:37 pm

      You only become invisible if you let yourself become that way. I think that counts at any age .. you need to stand up and get out there be positive in mind and soul .. treat people the way you want to be treated .. I think you’re already finding yourself ..

    • Paula’splace 20th November 2021 at 12:50 pm

      Getting there Dave…..

    • Shazzeroo 20th November 2021 at 7:13 pm

      Thanks for all your lovely replies. Yes I agree it’s how you respond to it that matters. As long as my family n my dog 🐶 loves me, I should be happy. Hubby still fancies me, so that’s a good thing. Nice to know I’m not on my own. Thanks 😊