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Paccuppanna Posted 6 months ago
Any advice on how to best help a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder who is suffering enormously?
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3 likes & 24 replies
    • Ginger123 29th July 2021 at 4:37 pm

      Please don’t get upset with my answer but….
      You need to watch your not brought down with them !
      You can get so infused with their needs,that your problems mount up without you realizing

      Reply
    • Active50 30th July 2021 at 10:05 am

      I have relatives with similar disorders.
      And we all have disorders.
      I have an eating disorder, a motivation disorder (note: I am very active and an optimist, but we all have issues).

      If you try to sort out my diet for me, it ain’t gonna happen.
      If you try to sort out my motivation for me, it ain’t gonna happen.

      How would I try to help me, is the question I would ask.

      I need to be inspired gently, If I were to have a friend that lost weight in an enjoyable way that did not involve the word diet, I would want in on the action, and things would change naturally and over time, and when results become obvious, you would see the change in me.

      The thing is they have to recognise the problem and they have to want to change , but if you ram it down their throat it wont work.

      Tread carefully and slowly, don’t be to enthusiastic or positive around them.
      Avoid conversations that incorporate your positiveness and enthusiasm.
      Never get into a conversation about something that can become a discussion such as political or religious.
      You will NEVER change their view.

      As much as they are annoying to you with their thought process, you are as annoying to them with your positiveness .

      I limit the time I spend with my brothers and keep conversations simple and short.

      good luck

      Reply
    • Poet Chris 30th July 2021 at 10:53 am

      Hi, I have schizophrenia diagnosed 20 years ago and although not the same, what I find most helpful is having a person who is not judgmental and who will listen to my rubbish and stay for more but will also offer alternative thought processes. Having a goal to future possibilities is key to wanting to remain “in the now”. Best wishes…

      Reply
      • Paccuppanna 29th August 2021 at 1:16 pm

        Thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful and encouraging to hear from you. BPD has similarities with some other mental health issues and schizophrenia is one of them so I really found your input helpful. Thank you so much. Xx

        Reply
    • Poet Chris 30th July 2021 at 11:49 am

      I found this from a website, In The Rooms.

      Reply
    • EmmaS 26th August 2021 at 5:38 pm

      Just be there for them, I suffer from bipolar 2, and all I needed was to be understood and listen to.

      Reply
      • Paccuppanna 27th August 2021 at 1:21 pm

        Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. Just supporting them with love, care, understanding, listening and encouraging often feels like it is not enough. When an episode happens it is just so scary and so hard to always make sure I get to her in time to keep her safe from herself and others. She is doing so well and working so hard to get better and access professional help and only she knows the struggle of coping everyday. So many years have passed struggling and she is tired. Trying to pass on a lot of praise and positivity to her and positive activities we can do together.
        Her behaviour and reactions are so similar to bipolar in so many ways so I am really grateful for your message. Thank you❤️❤️❤️

        Reply
    • Paula91 26th August 2021 at 11:24 pm

      Just be there for them, believe them, don’t judge but encourage a positive way of thinking. Tell them you love them. Hope this helps

      Reply
      • Paccuppanna 27th August 2021 at 1:34 pm

        Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps getting reassurance from others who understand and know how hard this can be.

        I always tell my daughter how proud I am of her and how much I love her no matter what! I am there for her and always will be.

        It is just so hard to manage her when she is in an episode and it is so hard to keep her safe from herself and from others. Not many know how to deal with it or understand what is happening.

        Thankfully her boyfriend can keep her safe and together we have a plan set up and communicate with each other well. My daughter is aware of this and agrees with the plan even though she fights it during an episode.

        Thank you so much for caring and sending words of encouragement.❤️❤️❤️

        Reply
    • Paula91 27th August 2021 at 2:14 pm

      Stay positive, You really are not alone. Hopefully the more she feels supported the short the episodes. Take care

      Reply
      • Paccuppanna 28th August 2021 at 10:13 pm

        Thank you for your encouragement. I hope so too that letting her know we are there for her no matter what and that she can get better and doing really well.xx

        Reply
    • EmmaS 27th August 2021 at 2:37 pm

      You are so welcome. She is not alone.

      Reply
    • jayne1906 29th August 2021 at 10:07 am

      My strength and love keeps my bpd adult daughter safe secure and empowowered. Yes you do need to look after yourself too. My daughter is amazing. I think of that all the time. For the blips that happen maybe twice a year they are hard but always get support for yourself if you can too. X

      Reply
    • Paccuppanna 29th August 2021 at 1:10 pm

      Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.
      I am glad and encouraged to hear that your daughter only has few blips a year.
      My daughter is also amazing and I am doing all I can do to empower her, accept that she is loved no matter what, praise her and let her know that we all need help from others at times and that is ok and does not have to disempower or undermine us.

      Unfortunately my daughter has frequent blips/ episodes that are severe but hopefully the appropriate help will soon be put in place after years of trying to access it.

      I have not found any groups of family members of people with BPD yet.
      I have realised that I need some support as I am alone in keeping her safe and I work full time which makes life hard. I have great friends that support me and a job I enjoy so that is great.

      Xx

      Reply
    • CHELSEA2021 30th August 2021 at 11:24 am

      There is people that can help you with it. In sw17 in london a hosp with offices that can help. Sorry if no help,

      Reply
    • Paccuppanna 30th August 2021 at 11:27 am

      Thank you for your reply. I will look into that. X

      Reply
    • WendyWill 5th September 2021 at 8:47 am

      Mindfulness helps with calming negative thoughts, DBT skills like Distress tolerance and Emotional Regulation skills can help also, they can be found online. You could also ask your GP for a referral for a psychological assessment with primary care services.

      Reply
    • goldfish63 5th September 2021 at 11:25 am

      Treatment of choice would be psychotherapy or behaviour therapy but care, support and understanding goes along way too, it helps to know what difficulties the condition can present, for example impulsive tendencies are common so you need to be aware of how this affects the individual in order to offer reassurance and support, be careful not to be drawn into manipulative behaviour that might not be conscious to the sufferer, it can be a challenge to live with someone with the condition so you might want to attend a support group too, good luck 🙂

      Reply
    • Jennifrees-journey 5th September 2021 at 2:12 pm

      Have a look at “the doctor cloud show” on you tube he is clear concise and kind. He does a lot of work on boundaries which are essential for dealing with someone with BPD.

      Reply
    • Mmdn 16th September 2021 at 8:12 pm

      Not sure where you are from. There is a Scottish borderline personality network where you might find information and support

      Reply
    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 17th November 2021 at 6:34 am

      I have been diagnosed as Bipolar type 2. I initially thought that everyone had mood swings but didn’t know any better. My swings are fortunately fairly mild but I am only to well aware of their affect on friends and family, especially my long-suffering wife!
      The only advice I can offer is patience and understanding. It isn’t their fault that they have a mental illness any more than if they have measles. They are probably aware of the affect that they are having but it is as if their brain is wired differently and they can’t always make rational choices.
      I have found that medication and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are of a great help. Unfortunately the NHS mental health services are in great demand and the waiting list for CBT is at least 6 months long.
      In the meantime, it may sound trite, but being a patient and non-judgemental sounding board is probably the best help you can give. Just knowing there is someone who will honestly tell you if your actions are rational is a great comfort when you are beginning doubt your own sanity.
      Hope this helps.

      Reply
    • Pennypitstop 17th November 2021 at 10:49 am

      My 16 nearly 17 year old Grandson is having huge problems and we are wondering if he has BPD he has compulsive behaviour which is getting him in to trouble at college and he has now been suspended. He cannot seem to stop himeself even though he does not want to do the things that are wrong. His social skills are really off the mark. He has had a very hard childhood and came to live with us at 12 years old but I fear the pattern is set and even though he is has a stable family life now the damage has been done. I am going to contact GP and CAHMS to try and get help before something seriuos happens.:(

      Reply
    • Niknak71 20th December 2021 at 8:21 am

      Hi my son is 30 and lives at home and has autistic traits and BPD. It’s extremely challenging for him, me and the rest of the family and his episodes are terrifying. I find the best way to handle him is to make sure the abandonment feelings he has are minimised. He feels this when I go out anywhere or he feels I am spending more time with others than with him. I make sure I routinely include him in things I’m doing or where I’m going, say once a week to make sure he has a feeling of belonging. I’ve tried to broach the subject of help but it is always met with aggression so have to treat very carefully. I also find it helps to plan things for the future, such as a trip.

      Reply
    • scarletalex 23rd December 2021 at 4:48 pm

      I need to be inspired gently, If I were to have a friend that lost weight in an enjoyable way that did not involve the word diet.

      I would want in on the action, and things would change naturally and over time, and when results become obvious, you would see the change in me.

      The thing is they have to recognise the problem and they have to want to change , but if you ram it down their throat it wont work.

      Tread carefully and slowly, don’t be to enthusiastic or positive around them.
      Avoid convers
      —————————
      https://waggypups.com/

      Reply
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