Home Forums Dating A little warning for people here on Dating sites

Marica Posted 11 months ago
A little warning for people here on Dating sites

I have only just discovered because someone told me that any dating info that anyone puts on the paid site here ends up on at least one other dating site , at present namely Silver Surfers but there may be more . I NEVER joined this group but my info is apparently out there and also in the small print, it says that if you leave any site , your info stays on the site almost forever. Surely this is a Date Protection issue? I believe this was brought up on Watchdog many years ago but despite the issues, it is still going on. A friend also had her profile appear on a dating site she had never even heard of although she joined a different one. Restless admin, if you are reading this , how dare you do this without people’s permission?.

14 likes & 65 replies
    • Deleted User 14th July 2021 at 10:42 pm

      Restless dating is “powered by” The Dating Lab, who have gazillions of other dating sites. I dont know how many of them share profiles entered on Restless, but I bet there’s a few… by experimenting a bit I found it possible to view profiles from elsewhere in the world in the Restless dating app. We are, of course, being farmed, though as far as I know this doesnt involve being slaughtered!

      • Marica 14th July 2021 at 10:51 pm

        That is appalling and I doubt that half this info is not printed on the T & C’s . The profiles and photos are clearly used as enticement to get others to join . What is the point of picking a site in that case? I would not want to be viewed as a general profile as there are people on my past who were pretty awful and I would not want them to ever find me again.

        • Deleted User 14th July 2021 at 11:31 pm

          Marica, you’ve got me reading the Privacy Policy and Terms Of Use quite carefully!

          First impressions…some of the information about sharing data is rather opaque, and the stuff about sharing one’s data in the EU and elsewhere in the world is eye-opening.

          Interesting about Silver Surfers, had a look at their T&Cs and TDL (The Dating Lab) isn’t mentioned. Which makes you wonder how they got hold of your friend’s profile. I wonder if that profile has been “borrowed” by a scammer? Paranoia lurks around every corner, doesn’t it!

          Sorry to read of your awful past experiences, and I hope things improve for you.


        • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:19 pm

          Thanks Chris, and judging by what you have said , I think that some of the “ways” these sites work is clearly illegal but probably just within the boundaries to not get held to account for it. The T &C element is always grey to read with enough said to confuse the reader unless you have a double law degree.

    • PhilB 15th July 2021 at 12:12 am

      You’re quite right, your data gets shared around. I’ve talked to people on x dating site only to be told by them that they are on y site, and have never heard of x site. It’s particularly annoying if you leave a site because you can’t find someone, only to join another and see exactly the same people all over again.

      Something else to annoy you – if the site doesn’t allow you to swop personal data unless both have subscribed (ie. one has subscribed and can write mail to the other, but the other is limited to stock answers) the dating site employs people to read through the emails to make sure no contact details are included. They’re basically snooping on people. That’s in the small print as well. It’s one of the reasons I stopped using them.

      • Sandyg 16th July 2021 at 6:57 pm

        I was lucky then, a guy from silver surfers or was it restless, can’t recall.. gave me his email address as he was able to write whereas I could only send the pre-prescribed ‘one liners’, (and he since came off thr site anyway)we are now good friends and enjoy walks together,( though no more than that.) I have also been given phone no.s from a couple of others.which I haven’t followed up-.they must have escaped scrutiny !

        • Sandyg 24th August 2021 at 3:07 pm

          now know why we never got beyond walking buddies, he had met someone else who was more suited to him…I asked directly before he said so !

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:22 pm

        I am so happy for you . Well, I know that someone from Silver Surfers contacted me (I never joined) and he does not even know what Restless is! And we chatted away quite happily until we got to phone number level. So clearly there is an interaction with some of the sites whilst allowing you to believe that you are only talking to and from the site you joined

    • Lorraine1 15th July 2021 at 9:34 am

      Thanks for letting us know, I have recently considered dating sites, but the more I hear about them….

      • Joy b 16th July 2021 at 9:10 am

        I have never joined a dating site because of all the problems friends have had when they have joined them

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:25 pm

        Don’t blame you Lorraine. Though in fairness, I have met someone who has a nice personality and is kind and thoughtful, so there are some good ones out there . But it is dredging through the whole thing first and now finding out that our profiles are “out there” without our permission, I would be feeling as you do

      • Keith D 20th July 2021 at 12:03 pm

        i came off dating sites after many pointless and fruitless years , as i found that a lot of what members on here are saying is completely , several of the profiles are fakes and some members are simply playing games, or boosting their own egos
        but people have to make their own minds up about them??

    • Caro 15th July 2021 at 10:22 am

      I agree with you, this is not right. You join a particular site to be on THAT site, and only that site. Your details should not be shared with any other site without first obtaining permission. It’s a breach of privacy and trust.

    • Christopher Leslie 15th July 2021 at 10:30 am

      Despite different names most dating sites are owned by the same company and there is a long list of tricks they pull to keep you as a member, even sending messages to other participants claiming they are from you and vice versa. The thing to bare in mind is they are only interested in the money. Not you finding new love

      • Lorraine1 15th July 2021 at 10:31 am


      • Deleted User 15th July 2021 at 5:19 pm

        There were several last time I looked. Basically they are white label hosting services which provide everything but the name, and you can rent such a site complete with many thousands of subscribers for peanuts, receiving a share of subscription fees when people sign up. The promotion of your brand is left to you, and will be your main expense.

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:26 pm

        Yes, I agree there , and isn’t it sad to think they play on people’s emotions and loneliness to make a buck without any thought to the human being involved

    • Deleted User 15th July 2021 at 10:33 am

      I think it’s always been like this- people join and just assume it’s a dating site and everyone in their is an active member. Nobody would expect to view profiles of people who have long since left or signed up to a different site.

      When you talk to people about dating sites, there are far more negative comments than positive ones.

      Whatever happened to speed dating?

      I never tried it but the fact it was within your local area meant you could meet people close to you.

    • Nicki G 15th July 2021 at 11:39 am

      So true….I signed up to Match and found myself also on Our Time dating site. And yep….it’s the same people on both sites !!

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:29 pm

        I must admit that match always were open about Our Time being part of their group, but I do wonder if they also have other connections to dating sites that are not so transparent? After this , I would say yes.

    • Ken 15th July 2021 at 1:40 pm

      Scandalous situation and I get so much junk mail because I joined one site – have abandoned it a long time ago but still get junk mail of a somewhat unsavoury nature. Almost tempted to change my email altogether and become resigned to being a hermit

    • Keith D 15th July 2021 at 1:50 pm

      A lot of dating sites are part of a,massive company and will store your information,,and try to get you to enrol in others that are mainly fee paid.
      If a site says join free, it’s a confidence trick, as some will block you sending phone numbers and email addresses.

    • Aries 15th July 2021 at 2:01 pm

      Wouldn’t touch dating sites with a barge pole! Tried it several years ago – there are some weird people out there who seem desperate!

      • Deleted User 15th July 2021 at 5:22 pm

        …or desperate people who seem weird?

      • Langers 17th July 2021 at 12:13 pm

        To be fair there seems to be a reasonable contingent of ‘weird & desperate’ people here! 😳😂

        • Aries 17th July 2021 at 12:37 pm


        • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:33 pm

          Can’t wait to see the list , Langers!! I will say I have met someone who is very straightforward , funny and fun to be with though early days yet. So it is sad really that sites are labelled as weirdo’s on there. I joined one and I am not quite in the weirdo dept (yet! 😀 ) so as said earlier, it is a case of ploughing through and being discriminating. My argument is more about the conning way that we are pimped out to other sites we never joined

        • Langers 18th July 2021 at 11:07 pm

          Lovely to hear you might’ve met someone 😊
          It’s that small print that most of us tend to not bother reading. It’s all a learning experience but generally no harm done as one site is pretty much the same as another.
          Good luck with your new friend 😊

        • Marica 19th July 2021 at 9:26 pm

          Thank you Langers . Watch this space! And lots of luck if you have ago .

    • VinylTom 15th July 2021 at 5:08 pm

      Been on a couple of dating sites, relentless emails from other sites, scammers galore, usually younger women sending you emails and phone numbers, I think on the pretence of trying to scam money, I am mentally sound but the preying on more lonely and vulnerable people is disgusting, just something else to look out for, Love and Peace to all x

    • Deleted User 15th July 2021 at 5:12 pm

      It’s a bad place dating sites I joined one for over 50s think it was silver surfers and found I was on lots of others also then took me ages to delete profile and cancel but only to find your profile stays forever ! Bit like Facebook I guess

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:35 pm

        Yes, any of us that have joined are now there to eternity . Something very wrong about that and something I think should be raised under the Data Protection Act

    • SelsdonLion 15th July 2021 at 6:22 pm

      Hi Marica, you have rights under the Data Protection Act to control how your personal data is used.

      Here’s a link to the governments website which explains your rights.


    • Suziku 15th July 2021 at 6:28 pm

      Many years ago, l worked for GUS catalogue company. It didn’t matter whether you applied for a GUS, Trafford, or one of the other names that GUS owned, you got the same big book with a different cover. All these dating sites are the same. Whether you join via Rest Less, Silversurfers or another online magazine name, it’s the same The Dating Lab database. There are probably very few unique dating companies these days.

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:37 pm

        I remember that , Suziku, so many of the items were also in another catalogue. I can live with that, a bit like a lot of supermarket mobile phone contracts are under a main supplier but when it comes to people private profiles, this is a different story altogether .

    • loislane 15th July 2021 at 8:30 pm

      Oh crikey, great…not

    • Larky52 15th July 2021 at 8:54 pm

      It also gives your bank details, so if you have a problem unsubscribeing the sister company take your money,

    • Brighton Belle 15th July 2021 at 11:10 pm

      Their all interlinked…..

    • Team Rest Less 18th July 2021 at 12:26 pm

      Hi Marica, thanks for your message and apologies for any distress this has caused.

      As someone has pointed out above, Rest Less Dating is operated by a company called The Dating Lab, who also operate a number of other reputable dating sites. Like most dating sites, they will share profiles amongst their member sites to increase the probability of people finding a successful profile match in their local area.

      If you want to delete a Rest Less Dating profile, this will automatically delete it across all other sites – unless you have also signed up separately elsewhere.

      If you speak with The Dating Lab, they will happily manage this for you and delete your profile from all of their sites if you would like.

      You can contact them directly here


      Separately, we will speak with The Dating Lab and see if there is anything that can be done to make it clearer how the site works.

      Thanks again for your feedback and sincere apologies for any distress this may have caused.

      Team Rest Less

      • Marica 18th July 2021 at 3:08 pm

        Thank you for letting me know the details. I do think that this situation misleads so many people who would not even realise that their details will appear elsewhere (hence why I chose Restless as opposed to anywhere else). I will contact the relevant people at some point and get this cleared up. Annoyingly , I have no trouble being on Restless site but it sounds as if I chose to stay , I have to allow my profile to be on all or nothing at all A bit like a sledge hammer to crack a nut , I should be only on the one I choose.

    • johnp 18th July 2021 at 2:04 pm

      Many of these sites are interlinked and are basically “cash cows” – for commercial gain only.
      There is an independent site I have used in the past which I found quite good.
      It is called Love and Friends. It has no connection with the sites frequently referred to in this thread.

    • johnp 18th July 2021 at 3:52 pm

      L&F are not connected with the ‘Dating Lab group’ sites mentioned.
      L&F are connected to Drawing Down the Moon.
      Membership fees for L&F are very reasonable.
      All age groups are covered.
      And a lot of genuine, educated types look to be members.

    • johnp 18th July 2021 at 4:30 pm

      I don’t think there are many (if any) truly “independent” online dating sites out there ..

    • Brighton Belle 18th July 2021 at 4:48 pm

      I have bank card I down load money onto to buy on line be good idea for Dating sites too if no money on card companies can’t keep taking out membership subscriptions -even when you’ve cancelled

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 1st August 2021 at 4:41 pm

      I met my husband 18 years ago on a dating site. ❤️ Think that was before the weirdos heard about them! 🤣. I was his third date and he was my third. More recently both my kids have met their long term partners on dating apps but rather than kissing a lot of frogs as they used to say you do have to ‘swipe’ away a lot!

      • Marica 1st August 2021 at 7:51 pm

        I do think you are right. Not all of them are a waste of time & there are some genuine people out there. I have met someone recently who is a really nice caring chap so far & I had given up bothering to be honest. No great plans, just good company at present. It makes a change from some awful ones that I have met on the past !

    • Anonymous User (no longer active) 1st August 2021 at 8:00 pm

      Lovely hope it continues to go well for you.!

      You just have to have your radar well tuned and listen to your intuition and then be ruthless! I went to the loo and ran out the back of a pub on one date. He later emailed to say what a fabulous time he’d had and when could we meet again ! 🙈

      There are also lots of these scammers about who are after money ultimately. But there are genuine folks of course!

      • Marica 1st August 2021 at 9:57 pm

        I agree. I think as we are older now, we get a better idea of what is around. The mistake I made when younger was just wanting to be with someone so I settled for maybe things that I should not have accepted even though there were warning bells . Not any more! I hope you have some success too

    • Paul007 27th August 2021 at 11:42 am

      Dating sites are strange, everyone states they are friendly and outgoing, sociable and enjoy pubs and restaurants. I often wonder why they never meet anyone while out and about. Me I’m a loner, one man and his dog.

      • Incurably Curious 27th August 2021 at 1:35 pm

        I agree Paul. Personally, I do not care for pubs or restaurants as they are not the ideal places to actually speak with people. Saying that, I am always out and about and I live in Central London with 9 million people and still I cannot find anyone lol 🙂

    • Brighton Belle 1st September 2021 at 8:17 pm

      I agree Paul 007 if everyone milling around male/female bound to bump into someone perhaps some sort “badge ” should be issued to wear- instead of the old fashioned “pink carnation” ….. Just a thought….

    • LivelyTony 14th September 2021 at 1:01 pm

      Sandee said:-

      “You just have to have your radar well tuned and listen to your intuition and then be ruthless! I went to the loo and ran out the back of a pub on one date.”

      When a man takes the trouble to shower and dress smartly and often buy an expensive cocktail for a woman and then she does that it is hardly surprising that any men ever bother to meet a woman at all !

      There is never any reason not to be friendly and honest when you meet someone!

      • Marica 17th September 2021 at 10:22 am

        I do agree with you Tony. It is not good manners to cut and run. Often a man or woman are nervous on meeting someone for the first time so may not be their true selves. In my twenties, I did Dateline (Magazine adverts only) and it really was a Blind Date, no idea what to expect. But I took the time to talk to people and was honest if I felt it would not work. No excuse for rudeness unless you get some unseemly remarks