Hello Jules, thank you so much for your reply message and for your encouraging advice not to give up the search for a good relationship.
So you also have experienced the hassles of trying to find a decent genuine compatible person using these online dating sites!
Just to let you know that l am a retired Psychology teacher in the adult education sector and l have also held courses on relationship building and Self Development. I am also a professional astrological consultant, although now l am retired l don’t do too much of this kind of work these days. Apart from doing psychology and psychological and spiritual development, after many years of experience l would conclude that we humans are very complex creatures and there are so many factors that make us what we are.
I also think that astrology plays a large part regarding our psychological make up as well as other factors such as our life conditioning and experiences, genetics, the effects our parents have on us, and so much more. I haven’t mentioned my age: l am 71. (although many people tell me l look a lot younger!).
I agree with you that love comes to us when we are not expecting it. But for so many people it’s not easy to meet people who you would like to have a loving relationship with, especially when you get to my age! Hence the reason why so many people use online dating sites. I have had quite a few loving relationships in my life and now after a ten year relationship came to an end almost two years ago, l find myself looking for another relationship. Without trying to sound a little egotistical, l have gathered a lot of knowledge about people and relationships over many years and l have much to share with others about what l have learned. For example according to John Gray in his books ‘Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus’ and his later book ‘Beyond Mars And Venus’ he says that: quote: “Many times, what we’re upset about in the present time is such an overreaction because only 10% of it has to do with the right now and 95% of it has to do with twenty other experiences in your past that hasn’t been resolved.”
In other words, what John Gray is saying is that most people bring to a new relationship with another person a great deal of stuff that hasn’t been dealt with from their past and only relate to and perceive the person they are relating to about 10% of the time. This may seem like an exaggeration but for so many people it happens to be true. So it takes time to get to know the person you are relating to and see them as they really are instead of projecting our past fears and experiences onto them. Most of us project a lot of fantasies and unreal expectations onto other people and we rarely see them as they really are, but if we are honest with ourselves we eventually stop projecting these fantasies and ideal images onto others and begin to see who they actually are.
My other main message is what Paul has said here on this site: In order to have a good healthy and joyful relationship with others it is essential to love and respect yourself first. When people become very desperate and needy for a relationship it is usually because they don’t love and respect themselves enough.
Apologies for this very long reply. It would be great to hear your comments about what l have said here and l would love to hear from others too on this site about what l have said.
Many blessings, Robert.